Did you ever notice how many things no one tells you about parenting before you have kids? I’m not talking about how you’ll never sleep again. Plenty of people told me that. No, I mean the little things. For instance, no one ever told me…
That I would keep empty water bottles in my car for my son to pee in when we’re on the road.
That my longest fingernail would become the “booger-picker-outer”, and if that didn’t work, I’d retrieve boogers with a toothpick.
That I would wipe snot off my son’s face with a leaf.
That kids like to hide things around the house and you won’t find them for a long, long time. Things like cups full of milk, dirty underwear, and sandwiches.
That it’s necessary to cheat at Chutes and Ladders, or else the game goes on forever.
That poop becomes hard and crusty when removed from a diaper and smeared onto a coffee table.
That I would actually say things like, “You’re not allowed to stick your finger in the dog’s butt” or “You can’t drink water out of the toilet”.
Or, that I would have to call poison control, because my daughter would drink the toilet water anyway.