Don’t ever… take the seeds out of a chipotle pepper, add the skin of the pepper to your pot of chili, then rub your eyes before you’ve had a chance to wash your hands.
Don’t ever…feed your baby an ENTIRE jar of bananas for his first taste of baby food, unless you feel like cleaning up banana vomit. Maybe pick up a book and READ about what you’re supposed to do and don’t just say, “Wow. He really likes bananas”, and keep feeding them to him until he explodes.
Don’t ever…shovel your entire driveway without considering that maybe you need to wipe your nose. You may just find yourself looking up to see your neighbors, with a three-inch long glob of snot hanging out of your nostril.
Don’t ever…tell your boss she’d have to be pretty stupid to pack her plane tickets in her suitcase, until you were sure she didn’t already do that once.
Don’t ever…claim to know the words to a 50-Cent song. Your cool, hip friend might just call you on it.
I don’t own this last one. It belongs to a friend, but it would win the, “Learn from my mistakes” award, if there was such a thing.
Don’t ever…report your car stolen, unless you can actually remember which level of the garage you parked on. You may have the police looking for it, and suddenly stumble across it a few days later. And, you might just have friends who will never let you forget it.