Sing Softly And Carry A Big Stick

posted by Momo Fali on January 25, 2008

I sound like a sick cat when I sing. Actually, more like a sick cat, in heat, that was recently attacked by a pack of wild dogs. It’s so bad that I lip sync in church. Even hundreds of people can’t drown me out.

My husband has a very nice singing voice…one he inherited from his Mom. (Did you hear that? It sounds like a pinball machine. Ching-ca-ching-ca-ching-ching. That’s me, racking up mother-in-law points.) My husband sings because HE CAN. Unlike me, he doesn’t send small children screaming, ‘Make it stop! Make it stop!’

Last year, our son had ear tubes put in. For a week after the surgery we put drops in his ears twice a day, and he would have to lie on each side for five minutes afterward. After 10 minutes of staying still, which is excruciating for a five year old, we would tell him, “Okay, you can get up. You’re free.”

That quickly turned into my husband singing a loose rendition of the Rolling Stones’ song, I’m Free. ‘You’re free to do what you want, any old time.’ As much as I hate to sing, I will do it for my kids…if I have to. Although, I would refer to it as a lyrical whisper.

For some reason, my son doesn’t mind my bad voice. Though, maybe, just maybe, his 25% hearing loss has something to do with it.

Last weekend, my husband and I were out of town when our son came down with a fever. My niece was babysitting and I told her to give him Tylenol. Apparently when she got the Tylenol out of the container, she referred to them as “bad boys”. As in, ‘Let’s see if these bad boys will make you feel better’.

So this past week, we gave our son Tylenol and he would call them “bad boys”. And now, my husband belts out the theme from COPS every time he medicates him. My son wants me to sing, but in my quiet voice I’m doubting the criminals would be all that intimidated.

    Comments

  • Christine


    great post. “lip sync in church” is my favorite line of the week.

    meanwhile I have a FABULOUS singing voice but my daughter BEGS me to stop singing. it embarasses her. even when we’re home alone and there’s no one else listening but the dog

    hmmm. perhaps I have a perception gap about my singing? come to think of it, I did get 17 noise violations in college for singing in the shower in my freshman dorm. and not one person in my life has ever complimented my singing. not ever. so could it be…that I actually…suck?

  • suchsimplepleasures


    hilarious!!! i am, probably, as awesome of a singer as you!!
    anyway…scrolling saturday is a weekly meme that manners and moxie and i, came up with. it’s all about your old posts, that received no love…bring them forth, and conquer the blogging world…well, at least, have them get read, the way they deserved!!!
    do it. do it! you know you want to!!! everyone who is ANYONE is doing scrolling saturday!!
    xoxo

  • Amber


    I’m a closet singer and my kids are probably the only ones who do hear me sing. Luckily they have to love me anyway.

  • Huckdoll


    I have the WORST singing voice ever…we should actually hold some sort of online competition. I remember when my twins were born and I knew that I supposed to sing to them, but I was way embarassed. Luckily, I got over that and I sing like a mad woman now. That said, you will NEVER see my ass at a karaoke joint for less than a million bucks.

  • Kimmylyn


    Okay.. I was dying reading this.. I lip sync in church is the best line I heard all week!!! I for one cannot carry a tune for the life of me.. but unlike HD I will karaoke..but only with one hell of a drunken stuper tied on..LOL

  • Rachel


    Lip Sync in church is apparently the winner in this post 🙂
    This was too cute! You have a great way of expressing yourself and making the everyday so fun!
    Thanks for the giggles!

  • Tara R.


    I use my mommy-horrible-singing voice as a very affective tool when I want my son to do something… as in… if you don’t do it I’ll keep singing.

  • Serina Hope


    Hilarious. You girl, are too funny.

  • Diesel


    I thought that song was by the Who, so I looked it up on Wikipedia. It says that it was by the Who, but then it says: “In 1969, The Rolling Stones performed this song at their 4 July concert in Hyde Park, while they had a song (written by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards) of the same name that they released in 1965.”

    Now I’m REALLY confused.

  • amanda


    I’m a horrible singer! I would always lip sync in church. I sing for my daughter, and that’s it.

  • Sarabeth


    I like the bad boys comment.

    Blog hopping–HP

  • LunaNik


    When my youngest was a baby she LOVED when I sang to her. She would instantly stop crying, mesmerized by my voice. Now, she LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY at me when I sing to her. Apparently she wasn’t mesmerized as a child, just fixated on the strange noises coming out of mommy’s mouth.

    passin’ thru via blog hoppers…i like it here, i’ll be back (said in my best schwartenegger voice)

  • Amy


    Hilarious! I admit I bust out in random tunes around here quite a bit. And then my daughter rolls her eyes at me because she’s in choir. Well la di da…

    the bombed mom
    blog hoppin’

  • newnorth


    lol, the lip sync is great. I always used to stand extra close to my Mom in church when we sang so I could hear her.

  • BuzzeeDad


    Who needs to be intimidating when your voice makes them writhe on the ground? Cheaper than a taser.

    😉 the Ashley Simpson of the church circuit eh? You crackin me up…

  • hottdog


    that’s hilarious. i love it!

  • OHmommy


    Thanks for the comment. What a wonderul blog you have here. I love your writing, your style, so nice to read!

    BTW… I can not stand my voice. I don;t even sing for my kids. 🙂

  • Maureen


    Thanks…. now I have that theme to “Cops” stuck in my head…..

  • Maria


    I could barely get past the first paragraph for fear of combusting from laughter!

    And why do your captchas exemplify my dyslexia? They always have like 15 characters!! LOL

  • Dapoppins


    When I sing in church people from three rows ahead of us turn around to look and see who is killing the moose.

    I think that is a great new name for Tylenol.

    Bad boys!

  • momto4kidsny


    Out in public you will never catch me sing one note. here at home though when the kids are acting up and I want them to stop i turn on the radio and start singing! In about 1 second flat they are on the couch begging me to be quiet so they will be good! I think I am as good as you are!
    Now I have the Bad Boys song stuck in my head and feel the need to sing it to my trio!

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