Oprah Cliffs Notes

posted by Momo Fali on February 6, 2008

On yesterday’s Oprah, Dr. Mehmet Oz and Dr. Michael Roizin made an appearance to tell us we are doing things all wrong, and that our bodies are paying the price. If my body is paying a price, it’s forked out a good $1 million.

First, the doctors pulled some nice ladies out of the audience who had given information regarding their diet, exercise and lifestyle.

After that, Dr. Oz showed us how to do a pull-up. But really, who doesn’t know how to do a pull-up? I can do not even one like 20 of them.

Then Dr. Oz and Dr. Oprah gave very clear instructions on vitamin intake, because 99% of people don’t get enough of them. Follow closely…

* Take a calcium supplement, but not unless you take it along with magnesium. Calcium alone will constipate you…or as Oprah said, “It’s like having a child”.

* You also need DHA type Omega 3. But, if you can’t find that, you could substitute it with LRS type Alpha 2, or even BZN type Kappa Theta Delta Delta Delta.

* Take vitamin D in case you don’t get enough sun. This includes the entire state of Ohio, October through May.

* If you are over the age of 40, take two baby aspirin. I find these are particularly beneficial if taken with a margarita.

* Split your multi vitamins in half. Take one in the morning, one in the evening and one after watching Dr. Oz on Oprah.

* But there’s morepre-menopausal women need iron in their multi-vitamin, and no more than 5000 IU of vitamin A. IU stands for International Unit and is completely different than Domestic Unit. Confused? Just wait. Men and post-menopausal women, do not need the iron and shouldn’t get any more than 2500 IU of vitamin A.

They did not give instructions for post-menopausal MEN, because that’s a whole different Oprah show.

    Comments

  • piper of love


    WOO HOO! First comment!

    ~lol she ate some blueberries 🙂

  • A Buns Life


    Delta, Delta, Delta, can I help ya, help ya, help ya? 🙂 Do you remember that old Saturday night live skit? Anyway….so what you are saying is I have to spend a small fortune every month on vitamins so I don’t look like the blueberry lady?

  • Jessica


    Vitamin D…. that should be handed out in all MW states Oct-May. Also a photo of the sun since we tend to forget what it looks like after not seeing it for 8 months.

  • Heather


    OMG! You’re cracking me up. Is he serious!?! I can’t even manage to take a multivitamin (whatever happens to be in my cabinet at the time) more than once a week.

    Ummmm…

    Do those little cinnamon lips count as some sort of vitamin? I think I’ve eaten like fifty of those today. If they count, I’m in good shape.

  • Maria


    So my body is probably that of a 50 year old. But I don’t care. Too much work to keep it young.

    I’ll regret that when I’m older. 🙂

  • holly


    can i just have the margarita on its own?

    i loves me some oprah, but, um…oprah never had children, right? how would she know what it’s like?

    also, am i screwed if i live in a country that constantly has cloud cover? probably, but not because of the vitamin d thing, i’m thinkin’…

    you consistently crack me up.

  • Be Inspired Always


    I saw that show, some good advice 🙂

    Jillian

  • Amy


    So it’s not okay for me to keep eating the kids’ gummy bear vitamins? Damn!

  • Redneck Mommy


    What is this thing you talk of called the sun?

    I live near the freaking arctic circle…it’s dark here damn near half the year!

    Well, maybe not. It just seems that way because I spend most of winter hiding in my pantry drinking wine…

  • Misty


    I just don’t watch Oprah… Though I enjoy Dr. Oz… But this made me laugh (as if I expected anything else…)

  • Tara R.


    I stopped watching Oprah after she gave away the cars and I wasn’t in the audience. “Like having a baby?” How would she even know that?!

  • THE MOM BOMB


    That top lady was upset???? She looks freakin’ younger than me and she’s 20 years older! Fie upon her! Fie!

  • hottdog


    shoot…i’ve been doing it wrong all along!
    whoes got time to be in the sun? bejeebers, i don’t even have time to Cut the vitamin in half! lol

  • The MomBabe


    oi, I took that stupid test once. Apparently, I should be dead…. Okay, not dead but I didn’t like what it said. Bleh.

  • jennifer


    Thank you for this, now i don’t need to sit through the episode! Far more entertaining here, as well.

  • wornoutwoman


    You could tell woman number two was a smoker…hello wrinkly lady!

  • Candace


    I saw this show and ideally it all sounded great if I had unlimited funds to spend in a health food store and many free hours a day to do yoga and grind flaxseeds!

  • Christine


    I sooo love the concept of oprah distilled into bullet points. it’s like the oppositte of ‘oprah, after the show’…remember that alternate revenue-maker for HARPO?ok so, I actually kinda like oprah. but I’m lazy so I’d rather have momo fali’s cliff notes

    and finally, as a proud member of delta delta delta, former rush chair, and 2x song leader I would just like to say in our defense…

    ok, I got nothin. let the ribbing begin :=)

  • Huckdoll


    Thanks, girl! I just quit smoking so pic number two was the bomb.

  • Ok, Where Was I?


    I’m with Tara. How would Oprah know anything about how a baby feels? You are too funny. I loved the blueberries. Ha, ha.

  • A Whole Lot of Nothing


    Every time Dr. Oz is on, I feel worse about myself. Drat that hunk-of-a-man.

  • Nola (www.nolanotes.com)


    Thanks for reminding me why I don’t watch Oprah.

  • leigh


    that second lady looks rode hard and put up wet.

    nasty.

    funny piece.

  • roadkill refugee


    What about perpetually menopausal men? Why are we always left out?

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