Are You Quotable?

posted by Momo Fali on May 8, 2008

I take humor very seriously. To me, there is little doubt about its benefits. Laughter is good for you.

My Dad is, hands down, the funniest person I have ever known. It doesn’t matter what you say to him, he will come back at you with one of his many bizarre, and often hilarious, catch phrases.

For instance, if you ask him what time it is, he will reply, “Time for all dogs to die, don’t you feel sick?” He doesn’t say he’s going to get a haircut, but instead he’s “going to get his ears lowered”. And, if you ask him to do something when he’s lounging in a chair his reply will be, “I’m awful busy”.

Imagine Steve Carell’s character on The Office saying, “That’s what she said”, but multiply it times infinity. My Dad has tons of these trademark lines. He has so many quotes, that he keeps them numbered “for emergencies”.

On my wedding video, he lifted his glass to toast me and his new son-in-law and said, “Here’s looking up your old address.” And when I was a kid, and I would start to get on his nerves he would say, “Go call your Mother and tell her she wants you.” But, if I was being unusually bad he would say, “Knock it off or I’m going to cloud up and rain all over you.”

More than a few of these have stuck. I find myself uttering his lines.

At my former job I heard some quotes which I continue to use such as, “It’s so cold outside, you could snap an ear off”. And, instead of saying, “Give me a break”, one of my co-workers used to say, “Peel me a grape”. I find myself saying that every day.

Not long ago a girl I know used the line, “Hot damn in can”, and now I say it too. Another thing I say quite often is, “For crying in a sink”. My husband’s family says, “For crying in a pop bottle”.

But, my most frequent quote? Well, it makes me sound like I’m Jed Clampett. When something goes wrong I always say, “Dag-nabbit”.

If I ever want to have a library as large as my Dad’s I have a lot of work to do. So, I need your help. Boys and girls, I’m curious…what is your favorite phrase?

    Comments

  • Natalie


    oh…have i got some good ones. well to me they are.

    1. good cow. my mom says this. when she was little “holy cow” was considered blasphemous so she always exclaimed “good cow” instead. i started saying a few years ago just to make fun of the phrase and got in the habit. i know…my kids are so going to make fun of me when i am old.

    2. working hard or hardly working? this phrase, along with number 3, was asked of me everyday by a sweet old man who owned a country store where i stopped to get a soda on the way home from work…in small town texas.

    3. did you learn something today or do you have to go back tomorrow? i was a teacher so the sweet man thought this phrase was hysterical as well.

    stay tuned…there may be more!

  • amy t sharp


    doobleh-vay is w in french- but has tranisitioned to WHATEVER!
    and what about lordy loo?

  • Heather


    If you are doing something strange or crazy, my dad always would ask us if we’d “been in mom’s pills again”. He also calls underwear “work pants” or “drillies”. So now I say those things too. One thing I always say is “your momma does” as the answer to everything.
    My favorite though is, “ima put my foot in your ass”. (Yes, ima is a word).

  • Geeks In Rome


    This is hard because my trademark isn’t a phrase, but it’s tooting like a trumpet. Whenever excitement is in the air or some surprise event is about to transpire (“Look! it’s Grandma!” or “oooh chocolate pudding for dessert”) I always precede it with this “Doo doDoooo” trumpet sound. (I think I’m trying to imitate those fancy soldiers sounding the arrival of the king).
    But anyway it is deadly contagious and in the past 20 years it has spread to numerous states and continents. Watch out.

  • Jo Beaufoix


    Blimey, erm, if something annoys me or kind of bemuses me I have a tendency to say “How rude” quite a lot but always with a smile.

    If it’s cloudy Mr B and his family say “It’s black over Bill’s mothers.” So I say that too now. Weird.

    “You’re not as green as you are cabbage looking.” means you’re not as daft as you look.

    “He’s got a face like a busted pit boot.” Means boy, you is ugly.

    “He’s got a face as long as a gas man’s mack.” Means, you know, sad.

    And, when my kids are being silly Mr B’s mum calls then ‘giddy kippers’.

    One of my favourites is “She’s as clever as a cart load of monkeys.” I love that.

    And that’s all for now Miss Momo. 😉

  • Kimmylyn


    I am so tired my eyes feel like they are bleeding.

    I am starving today, my tapeworm must be working overtime.

    fluck it.

    I have a million other silly ones..but that is all I will torture you with.. ha.

    ps. your father is a riot. I know you know that.. but figured I would remind you. 🙂

  • Tom


    Jo wins for most original. I say “woulda, coulda, shoulda” so much that it drives my wife crazy.

  • MommyTime


    My next door neighbor when I was a child had grown up in Mississippi in the 1910s, and her favorite exclamation of surprise and consternation (the closest she ever came to swearing) was, “Well, GAR-den seed!” Try it in a light Southern accent, and you’ll be totally hooked.

  • Lisa


    Those are great!!!
    I’ve been Texafied and tend to say things like ‘good gracious’ or ‘I’m fixin’ to….’.
    My grandpa always said ‘Judas Priest!’.

  • Jared


    When someone ticks me off and I don’t want to cuss I call them a “Dod Gamn Futher Muckin Bon of Sitch!”

    When my wife sometimes blabs on and on about something I say “Ahhh Patooshee Patooshee”. Totally irritates her and she always responds…”That’s not even a word!”

    When following a slow driver I usually yell out the window, “It’s the pedal on the right!”

  • A Buns Life


    I’ve got nothing quite as original as all these above me!

    I try to substitute random words for my favorite cuss words.

    dad-gumit
    far-fuknougat

    and a lot of good griefs come out of my mouth too.

  • Anonymous


    Most people say “Whatever floats your boat,” but my father always said “Whatever spins your propellor,” which is what I say.

    He also calls younger guys he likes “Leroy.” No idea why, but the guys know that they’re in if he says that.

    One to say when I’m in disbelief, etc., I’ve adopted from our friends across the pond; “Oh my giddy aunt!” My co-worker also says “Lord love a duck” and I’m finding that creaping into my speach patterns.

  • Jen E


    Your Dad sounds great!!! When I’m mad and trying not to use the “s” word, I say “Sugar Beets!!!”

  • Monica


    To get the kids out of the way: “Go see if the pig laid an egg.”

    And I’ll leave you more if I think of them. Fun post!

  • Mr Lady


    Mine all have to do with our lord and savior.

    *Well, I’ll be a greased Jesus! (my favorite)

    *Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick!

    *Christ on a cracker! (that one is Anne Nahm’s fault)

    And my husbands best line ever? She’s so meek, you could take a dump on her chest and she’d make you tea after. I fell in love with him all over again the day that one was invented.

  • meleah rebeccah


    my father is also the funniest man I know. He is one hell of a practical joker.

    You fathers lines are classic. I intend to steal / borrow them

  • Ashley


    So put that in your juice box and suck it.

    I love those quotes. Gonna go write those down. Haha!

  • Dadofali


    “If it was up your ass, you’d know where it was”

    and

    “This is a whorehouse setup”

  • Xbox4NappyRash


    Brace yourself Bridget!

  • Rachel


    Your dad and my dad sound very similar!
    I remember when Piper said that, I love that saying!
    I’m so glad I am not the only one who says Dagnabbit!!

  • DeeDee


    These are great! Your dad sounds a lot like my papa. I have to admit to saying goofy stuff too though. Every time he calls me he’ll ask me, “whatcha up to” to which I reply, “oh, ’bout 5’4”. He chuckles and asks if I’m ever going to hit a growth spurt!

    Are you taking The List challenge? Come on over to my place and take it. It’s under Blog Rolling with My Homies. There are some awesome blogs out there! I’m on page 3 of 5.

  • Chuck


    Wow. Your Dad, and these comments, are pretty great. A couple of my favorites;

    Don’t know where I first heard/read it: “I saved your life last night by killing a sh*t eating dog!”

    My wife is fond of saying: “Colder than a witches tit in a brass bra!”

  • Anonymous


    My father in-law, when he got mad, would always say John Brownit? I know I never quite got that one either.

  • Walking With Scissors


    My mom always says, “My giddy aunt!”, “Holy Dinah,” and “If you don’t like the heat, get off the stove.”

    My grandma used to say, “You aren’t as green as you are cabbage looking.”

    My mother-in-law says, “Birdie’s gonna poop on your lip,” (I hate that one…) and “holy doodle”

  • Anonymous


    My kids say thinks are prettiful when they can’t decide between pretty and beautiful.
    I am always saying ” Would you like some cheese with that whine?
    As a southern girl all of the family weird ones like:
    ” It’s coming up a storm” (WHAT? That doesn’t even make sense!)
    Jeez louise
    You make a better door than a window.
    Your dad’s quotes were great!
    Andi- in VA

  • OHmommy


    I swore I would never becoem my parents but I find myself becoming so much like them.

    You dad sounds like a hoot.

    These comments are great too. I would LOVE to read throuhg a list of organized sayings. Great post idea!

  • jenny from mommin' it up!


    From my grandma, and I use it frequently, in response to “I want”: “You can want in one hand, and poop in the other, and see which one gets full first.”

    Thanks Grandma!!

  • Jamie Willow


    “I am so smart S-M-R-T” I got it from the simpsons and sadly I use it often when I do dumb things.

  • Amy


    Hmm, right now I seem to be saying Knock it off a lot. Too much really.

  • Coral


    My family says a lot of stuff about “Sam Hill”. Whoever he is.

  • nola


    Well butter my butt and call me a bisquit!

    Re: NOLA’s humidity: It’s like walking in warm (pronounced “wahm”) spit.

    Plus THOUSANDS more from my family!!

  • Moonshadow


    Momo – have you ever wondered exactly what these wonderful phrase really meant, where they came from?
    Here’s one source of info…
    http://members.aol.com/MorelandC/Phrases.htm

    My grandmother’s cousin that lived to be 103 used to end her letters to me with “I’ll leave the latchstring out.” What that meant was – the old cabin doors had the big wooden latch across the door. To open it from the outside the “latchstring” had to be put to the outside through a hole in the door. The latchstring, when pulled, would then lift the latch and allow the door to be open.

  • Michael C


    I would REALLY like to meet your dad!
    I’m still over using that’s what she said and I’m trying to get ‘excuse me but I have to go x-ray my chicken’ to catch on. I’ve also always been fond of ‘gahzoinks.’

  • Whiney Momma


    So friggin funny. I love those crazy phrases….my dad used to say stupid ones like “chill your pill” when he wanted us to calm down. I can’t believe I have actually uttered it a time or two myself to my kids.

  • DysFUNctional Mom


    My mom says “the day all dogs are dead, aren’t you glad you’re a puppy?” I always thought she was WEIRD. LOL
    I say…..
    Holy Jeebus or Oh My Jeebus.
    For crying in the mud.
    Butter my butt and call me a biscuit.
    She’s dumb as a box of rocks, bless her heart.
    Oh my liver!
    Oh my stars!
    Good gravy.
    so many more…..
    ~Cyndy

  • Bean


    Fun!
    I say “Dag-nabbit” too!
    Some others I say are
    “I’d rather be boiled in oil”
    “Jack Dammit” (instead of s-word)
    “C’mon Now”
    “Flippin'” (instead of the other ‘F’)
    “Egads” … oh wait … these are words – not phrases! Okay, well the oil one counts as a phrase!

  • derekandmandy


    I’ve uttered “Yipes Stripes!” as in the old commercials for the lose-its-flavor-as-soon-as-saliva-touches-it Fruit Stripes Gum…many a time. 🙂
    Great post idea!!

  • Birdie


    What a fun post Momo! I love your dad’s sayings and plan to memorize them all. That’s what she said! (my favorite use of that one was the dinner party episode- could that have been anymore funny?)

    *If my kids pester me about something they say they want I ask them,
    “How’s it feel to want?”

    *if it’s hot, it’s “hot-as-a-mug”

    *if something hurts a lot, “it hurts like a big-dog”

    *When you’re hanging out on the couch (or where ever)with your significant other and they get up, you say, “Hey, sensuous…”(which they love), then you say “Sinceyouwasup, will you get me etc…”

    *my dad always said “Heavens to murgatroid!” & “Dunekoff” which is no doubt the wrong spelling of the German word for stupid or idiot. He said it to himself when he did something he thought was stupid – never to us thankfully.

    * If Mom wanted something done she’s say “do it immediately if not sooner”

    *co-worker A, always said “Junk in the trunk!” when something went wrong…a total misuse of the phrase, which I loved.

    *oo-worker B nearly drove me up a wall when she managed to work “I was about to say!” in to every last conversation we ever had.

    *co-worker C said “better than a sharp stick in the eye.”

    *co-worker D was a kindergarten teacher assistant I worked with and whenever the kids would start blabbering on & on, she’d cut them off by saying “Abbajeebajah” really fast & they knew it was time to shut up immediately, if not sooner *S*

    I think my all time favorite is to say “You look rode hard and put away wet.”

  • Tara R.


    Whenever one of my kids announces something inane or totally insignificant ( especially when one of my TEENS tells me they are going to the bathroom) I will say “I shall alert the media.’

  • Birdie


    oh one more..I forgot Pee or get off the pot! I use that one just about every morning on the way to work because I wait til the last minute to leave the house and people drive slow in the left lane, trapping me. Why??? If you aren’t gonna go five over, you need to get over! Pee or get off the pot!

  • Bee


    Your dad is awesome! I have issues with mine but I could never fault his sense of humor. Which, one of my brothers inherited.

    Mine is ‘crap on a cracker!’

    I’m sure there’s more but I can’t think of any other ones right now.

    I hope you don’t mind if I use the ‘don’t make me cloud up and rain on you’ that was my favorite! :o)

  • NukeDad


    Dad-Burnit! Was a curse alternative in my house growing up.

    Had a friend that used to say:
    I’m so broke I can’t pay attention.
    Pert near, I reckon.
    It beats chasin’ a burnin’ dog. (that’s just sick)

    When my kids are singing with the radio and it gets to be too much to take I’ll ask: Who sings this? They’ll tell me and then I’ll say; Why don’t we let them?

  • LaskiGal


    I say Dag-nabbit!!! I do.

    Love, ““Knock it off or I’m going to cloud up and rain all over you.” AWESOME!!! So going to use it.

    I also say fudge buckets when I get mad. All my obscenities have something to do with food. Like HOLY SUNDAES, KISS MY APPLE BOTTOM, I’M SO MAD I COULD EAT LIVER . . .

    Great post . . . I adore your dad!

  • Dette


    Your dad is TOO funny!!

    Mine tend to be directed to the monsters:

    “I’mma kick you.” (in sing song)

    “I’mma knock. You. Out.”

    I’m just thankful the kids get it – if I said it too loud out in public, I’m sure I’d get some L@@ks. 😉

  • Anonymous


    Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

  • HRH


    Crap.

    When I worked as a PT my patients used to say that I had a saying for everything, but they pop out so naturally I don’t even notice. I am like Dr. Phil in this regard.

  • HRH


    Crap.

    When I worked as a PT my patients used to say that I had a saying for everything, but they pop out so naturally I don’t even notice. I am like Dr. Phil in this regard.

  • Piper of Love


    Hot damn in a can?

    Who is this ‘girl’ you know anyway? She’s a nut job.

    (pine nut job)

    Fave quote, as of this second,

    “I would rather be jobless, living on some beach, off a large inheritance, than work in any of these crap holes.” – Michael Scott

  • transfattyacid


    My favourite is one my gran used to say.

    If you asked her to do something that she didn’t want to do, she would always reply, ‘I can’t I’ve got a bone in my leg’.

  • transfattyacid


    Oh and some my mum used to say when we were kids.

    If you said ‘hey!’ – you would recieve the polite reminder that ‘hay is for horses not for people.’

    Or if you got told off and started your reply with ‘well’ – in the sense of ‘well she did it’ – you were reminded that ‘a well is a very deep hole and if you don’t shut your mouth you’ll fall in it.’

    Or the reply to ‘mum I’m thirsty’ – was, ‘yes and I’m friday’

    Which spawned – ‘mum I’m hungry’ – which got the reply ‘I’m Czechoslovakia.’

    Though the one I could never understand – and in truth my mother doesn’t either – was when we drove her to destruction with the whiney appeal of ‘MuUUUum?, MuUUUUUum?’ – she would say ‘Oh Mum’s arse in a banbox’.

    I have never found out what a banbox is – or why my mother should put her bottom in one.

    (my apologies for the use of the word a**e)

  • Maureen


    Hubby used to work with an old French Canadian fellow who used to say “Moogy” in front of everything to make it sound even worse or better… like an amplifier.

    “Moogy” this and “Moogy” that… and now *I* find myself saying it all the time! Arrrrggghhh…. Moogy darn guy making me look silly….

  • Mum-me


    My son says “hooley dooley macarooley” when he means ‘wow’.

    My grandma could never pass a bargain, and whenever grandpa would get cross with her for spending money she would always respond with “It’s only money – they make it round so it can go round.” This is one of my favourite phrases now too – especially seeing as I love a bargain as well!

  • imgladyouasked


    I always say stupidhead when I get mad. You know driving down the road and someone cuts you off, stupidhead!

  • Angie


    I don’t think I have any that are very original. I say “Cool Beans” “Crapola” and “Shyza” (pronounced “SHY” “ZAH”). My grandma used to say “Aye Dios Mio” (oh my god) and “Aye Mi Cavello” (Oh my hair-although I seem to be the only one who remembers her saying this!).

  • MamaMo


    Whenever things don’t go quite as planned, I say “frickin’ A” – so much so that my girls think that “the ‘F’ word” is “frickin'”. 🙂

  • Smart A$$ Mom


    ‘You’re harder to catch than the clap.’

    That’s a fav but my sister and I have our own language when it comes to one liners.

    I am busting a gut at the prospect of telling my kids(or husband) to go call their mom and tell her she wants you. That is hysterical!

  • Anonymous


    I'm either out and about or about to go out. Leave a message.

    tpg

  • Anonymous


    I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.

    tpg

    Leave a Comment

    Your email is never shared.
    Required fields are marked *