I’m Putting My Car On A Charm Bracelet

posted by Momo Fali on June 25, 2008

USA Today reported that Oakland Raiders receiver Javon Walker was robbed of $3,000 cash and $100,000 in jewelry on June 16. Yes, you read that correctly…$100,000 in jewelry.

In order to look comparably rich, I’ve decided to have my house made into a necklace.


  • mandy

    Hoooooly cow! That’s ca-razy!

    I’d hate to see how your migranes affected you, then! šŸ™‚

  • Sadia

    Truly revolting!

    I hope you’re feeling better.

  • Monica

    Truly ridiculous…what a sad state of affairs that a goofball like that is actually admired by many in this crazy culture. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t wear all that bling.

  • Kori

    I hate to say that he was asking for it, as nobody should be the victim of a crime, but really, who in the hell carries that much cash around? And the jewelry? Puh-leeze. Between the cash and the b,ling, he had ON HIS PERSON close to what I make in a year. That is SO crazy!

  • chefmom

    Why a person would walk around with that much jewelry on, (and not on a red carpet or anything!) is beyond me.

  • Gramma Ann

    Ouch!!! I’d say you would definitely be a stay-at-home Mom then!!!

    I’m sure he had everything insured… Now he can go shopping and get all new!! How fun that will be;)) As the old saying goes:

    “There’s always a silver lining behind every cloud.”

    Have a ‘rich’ and fulfilling day;)

  • Xbox4NappyRash

    I made a mobile home into a chastity belt…

  • Mama Dawg

    LOL! I think my car would be a decent size ring, but that’s about it!

  • Jo Beaufoix

    But it would be soooo heavy.

  • Laura

    That is crazy! I bet Dick Butkus never wore jewelry!

  • Meg

    This is why I watch soccer. And also the fact that those Italian players are hot.

  • Immoral Matriarch


  • Tom

    Heck, I’d just like to visit his house and check the couch cushions.

  • LiteralDan

    I’d have to put my car on a chain and put the other $90,000 of goods on layaway all over town.

  • AlisonH

    Best.Real estate.Punchline.Ever.

  • Kiki

    You crack me up!

  • Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah

    You are going to have to start doing those neck exercises.

  • Tara R.

    Considering how big some of that pricey bling can be, having a pendant the size of a house isn’t too far off.

  • Mr Lady

    I’m considering having my kids dipped in bronze.

  • Mrs. Schmitty

    That’s disgusting. I had a hard enough time today scraping money together for food. UGH!

  • Jamie E

    I owe less than $100K on our condo, sad.

  • Kimmylyn

    I buy my jewelry from the $1 store.. I bet I could get a ton with $100,000.

    PS. You kill me.

  • Anonymous

    Ya know after reading your post it got me a thinking. $100,00? Not so much when you are piss rich, think about it.


  • catscratch diva

    What makes me wanna yack is the fact that nobody will steal my car or my house so I could claim the bloody insurance money.

    That’s the only way I’d ever see 100K in jewels.

  • LaskiGal

    I feel broke. And poor. But proud that I don’t waste money. All at the same time šŸ™‚

  • Dapoppins

    Ahh. His life is so hard. What a bummer for him.

    (said very sarcastically)

  • nola

    And that was just his “walking around” jewelry!

  • Jenna Consolo

    So, was it like a mugging? Was he wearing it all at the time? How does one do that?

    And does he know how many poor people could EAT or get VACCINATED for $100,000????

  • Christie

    Imagine what that $100,000 could pay for, for ordinary folks like us. Like my kid’s 4 years of college… or at least MOST of it. Wow.

  • www.startswithanx.com

    It could be a charm necklace with a master bedroom charm, a powder room charm, a backyard charm. You get the idea.

  • Maureen

    Yeah, he was a walking billboard just screaming “rob me!”

    I know crime doesn’t pay, but they sure picked the right guy now, didn’t they?

  • Melisa

    Wow, that was hilarious! Thanks for the laugh! (wish I were as clever as you are!)

    I hope you’re feeling better!

  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4

    So I’m betting the robbery took a while. I mean it must take a while to take off all that jewelry–at least til the next morning šŸ˜‰

  • HRH

    Can you convert debt into jewlery?

  • Amy

    Really some people have way too much money!

  • holly

    that made me laugh so much that i read it to my husband.

    i don’t trust a man with more than $50,000 worth of jewelry. i mean that’s just rubbin’ it in.

  • Dad Speed

    You’ve gotta take pictures once you get this done!

  • MommyTime

    This is the funniest short post I think I’ve ever read. Be sure to get the chimney removed first so it doesn’t poke you in the eye.

    You’re welcome. I’m always glad to be helpful.

  • Jaina

    I don’t understand how people can spend that much on something to WEAR. I don’t think I’d be very good at that.

  • meleah rebeccah


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