I Can’t Compete With That

posted by Momo Fali on July 30, 2008

Among our group of friends, I am lovingly referred to as a “one-upper”. Someone tells a story, and I come back with something to top it.

If you reflect on the time you were driving in a snowstorm, I will tell you a story about walking through a blizzard and not being able to see two feet in front of me. If you were rear-ended by a car, I’ll tell you about the time I was hit by a semi.

My two favorite words in conversation are, “That’s nothing.” But really, a girl can’t help it if she’s that irritating interesting.

But, my husband is the master competitor. It doesn’t take much to get him defensive either. If you could declare a winner in conversation, he’d be sure to snag the gold medal. Though that medal would come at the expense of the other person. A person who ends up an exhausted heap on the floor crying, “Uncle! For the love of bacon…UNCLE!”

Last night, the two of us went to a concert. I had been painting and scraping wallpaper all day (You’ve scraped wallpaper? I’ve scraped nine layers.) and barely made myself presentable before running out the door. When we got to the stadium, I realized I had forgotten to put my wedding ring on.

As I do a hundred times a day, I went to rub my thumb against my rings. Only I didn’t feel metal, just bare skin. I turned to my husband and said, “Aw! I forgot to put my rings on! I rub them all the time and it feels so weird when they’re missing”.

He asked, “You rub them?”

I said, “Yeah. Not consciously, but I rub them all the time.”

He replied, “Well, I do this…”. And then he turned into Mr. Competitive, and licked his wedding band.


  • Mr Lady

    That’s a smart man, that one. 😉

  • Melissa

    It is because you are so interesting! It must be or I, too, will have to put myself in the irritating category. It isn’t my fault that I have had bad luck, embarked on so many doomed adventures or chosen companions so unwisely, but it is my right to share the resulting stories. I can’t help it.

  • the planet of janet

    huh. that’s NOTHING.

    my husband plays ring toss with his.


  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4

    Oh that’s nothing; MY husband ugh, forget it. I suck at competitive comments 😉

  • meleah rebeccah

    He sure beat you with that move. He wins again!

  • BusyDad

    Oh yeah? I take mine SHOPPING!

  • Ems

    It takes a very strong woman to admit this…but at least you aren’t Penelope.

  • Emery Jo

    You guys are my kind of people. We should all run away together sometime.

  • holly

    oh yeah well i would have TAKEN that ring and put it ….


  • A Whole Lot of Nothing

    Boys are weird. We’d win everything if they’d just go back to their home country.

  • Drowsey Monkey

    omg …. LOL

  • moosh in indy.

    You ain’t seen nothing yet. Next time I see you? I’m ten upping you.

  • Our Crooked Tree

    Smarty…”If you can’t be with the one you love”

  • Monica

    Yeah, that’s a little wierd.

    Thanks for letting me know I don’t have the only wierd husband out there.

  • Jamie E

    hmmm, I guess you both know what the other likes best….assuming you think of you spouse as you each molest your rings.

  • Aunt Debbi/kurts mom

    Of course he did. Funny funny

  • Natalie

    ok…that is hysterical. i’m sure the fact that you rub your rings was shocking to him. but he got you on that one for sure!

  • Tara R.

    There are some competitions you should be happy to lose. 😛

  • The Laundress

    Sometimes losing is a good thing.


  • Melisa

    ROFL! He’s hilarious!

  • Stacey @Real World Mom

    Now that is love! LOL!

  • Jodi

    LMFAO! He’s a gem!

  • AlisonH

    Oh, *I* can tell one better than *that*!… (Actually, no, I can’t.)

    Don’t sweat the one-upping. It’s just a normal feature of being good at seeing the stories in normal life.

  • Jennifer, Playgroups Are No Place For Children

    You two were meant f.or each other

  • Mrs. Schmitty

    Nothing wrong with some friendly competition between loved ones.

  • Amy

    And now I see where the son gets it from!

  • Tom

    If you’re ever mad at him, just say something like “Hey, I just jabbed myself in the eye with a fork.” Then stand back.

  • chefmom

    LMAO!!! That’s a riot!!! And I want to party with you…you guys go to concerts quite a bit, no? See, now you should start you’re One-ups with, “AND then this one time at band camp….”

  • Smart A$$ Mom

    ha! he is a keeper!

  • Immoral Matriarch

    I like him!!! LOL!

  • Tenakim

    awww! a man after your own heart!

  • mammadawg.com

    LOL – the sight of that must’ve been something else!

    P.S. Drop by when you get a chance? I’ve nominated you for the “Kick Ass Blogger” Club 😉

  • Jaina


  • Ok, Where Was I?

    Ha, ha, ha. I thought, what on earth can he do to top that? That’s what.

  • Sogeshirtsguy

    lol good one. Your family is full of zingers.

  • A Shade Of Scorpio

    Thanks for the laugh!!!

  • Colleen

    OK, uncle – I must confess to being a “one upper” sometimes, too. Very funny…

  • LiteralDan

    You know, it’d be easy to jump on your bandwagon and mock him, but, as you already know deep down, he totally won.


  • Jo Beaufoix

    Heh heh, catching up. I was going to say it’s nice that he kissed your ring, but erm, it sounds a bit rude so I won’t.

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