Stuck In The Middle

posted by Momo Fali on July 24, 2008

These are two of the too many magazines to which I subscribe. Who else is impressed that I just used all three versions of “to” in one sentence? Oh, just me. Okay then, let’s talk demographics, shall we? Please don’t be intimidated by my stunning photography skills.

One of these magazines has articles so hip that they have to include hip in the title. Even the ads are youthful. I think it was Pat Benatar who said, “Beer is for children”.

The other magazine has articles titled, Drink Your Vitamins and Do Your Armpits Need Botox? The ads? Well, let’s just say that most of them contain the words “wrinkle reducing”…and they’re not talking about ironing.

Back to magazine #1. Oh look! More jeans and alcohol.
And, magazine #2. Need I say more?
I am too old to wear jeans with a brand name like Acne, and I’m too young to need Depends or face spackle. I would say I’m somewhere between bootcut Levi’s and fine lines.

There must be a publication that meets in the middle. I need a magazine that recognizes the in-between woman. Because if I drank enough of that Bud Light Lime, it’s possible I would piddle in my pants.

    Comments

  • nukedad


    Don’t discount the use of Depends; football season is coming up. You could spend a whole Saturday on the couch watching games and never have to get up! Just a thought.

  • momto4kidsny


    The bud light lime is actually good stuff! I don’t like beer anymore yet I can drink this one though since it’s sweet.

  • Kori


    We are the lost generation, we “middle agers.” It sucks. And I don’t want to read Oprah or, God forbid, Martha Stewart. I just don’t subscribe to anything anymore!

  • Mz. Nesbit


    I suggest you start reading a workout magazine so you and Betty will get all buff and stuff. And to go all craaazzyy I suggest Men’s Health-something-or-another. lol.

  • Ed (zoesdad)


    It could always be worse. Take, for instance, two mags that are delivered to my home–Highlights (the kids magazine) and Reader’s Digest (yeah, your mom’s magazine when you were a kid.)

  • O My Blog!


    I can’t help you there unless you want to play Sudoku which the books are readily available at your local grocery store line while you wait.

    Play while you’re in line and place it back on the shelf when it’s your turn. That’s why it’s there, right?

    As for shopping, I have that problem with stores. Too young for Christopher and Banks/Coldwater Creek and getting too old for New York and Company/GAP.

    BTW, I needed some of those doohickies advertised on the last page when I read this…

  • Heather


    Can’t help you on this one, I read Discover.

  • Mimi aka pz5wjj


    Well, I can’t help you here. I read a lot of food mags — Cooking Light, Weight Watchers and Clean Eating.

    Everything else I just browse through at the dentist, doctor, car dealer/oil changes, etc…

    Good luck!

  • Natalie


    you just totally cracked me up! i don’t subscribe to any magazine here since i am in turkey and all. anytime i am in the states i always go magazine crazy! then i bring them back here and pass them on to other americans who can’t get them either! we have to share here!

  • Rachel


    Woman. I freaking adore you!!
    I suffer from this ‘in between zine’ itis too.

    But, I enjoy beer just not in large quantities.

    I missed you.

  • LiteralDan


    Here you go, bub– you’re welcome in advance. Drop everything else and just get Rolling Stone, Harper’s, and Mad Magazine.

  • Jaina


    Wish I could offer a suggestion, but the last magazine I read (and that was several years ago) was Cosmogirl.

  • AlisonH


    Flashback to 15 years ago: I once asked my then-11-year-old son, not knowing just how much they’d said in his, um, change of life class, what was in that box. (Panty liners.)

    He looked at me with the disgust only a teenager could muster, for having insulted his intelligence, and answered, “Sneaker liners!” Like, duh, Mom.

    Okay, if you read that without needing a sneaker liner, you’re too young for that second magazine.

  • SherE1


    LMAO! That was hilarious! Kegels, girl! Don’t you KNOW? Especially at OUR age… LOL!

  • Momo Fali


    No need Shere…both my kids were c-sections.

  • meleah rebeccah


    Um. I feel the same way. Where is MY Age Appropriate MAGAZINE?

    I’ve just been drooling over clothes and celebrities in the “W”

  • honeywine


    I recommend Harper’s Bazaar. It at least breaks things like fashion and skin care into age brackets. Although I find myself looking at my age category and thinking, “Really? Really? Nooooo…uh uh.” Instead I look to the older categories!

  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4


    Just get Vogue and dream of wearing that crazy stuff 😉

  • Maureen


    LOL!!! Sorry I can’t help you. I don’t subscribe to mags anymore… but when I DID, they were geeky ones like Star Wars Insider and Corel Painter. I try not to look at the fashion magazines my daughter gets. Unless it’s for a laugh at the bad photoshopping…

  • Stella


    I say we go back to reading Highlights. That works for me.

  • Inzaburbs


    Shelter magazines, shelter magazines, and more shelter magazines. Even the ones with the $100 wallpaper. It’s all good 🙂

    Although last week, to my horror, I did catch myself reading Good Housekeeping.

  • Mama Dawg


    Hey, stop on by my place. I left you a present.

  • Mr Lady


    National Geo. It’s got war and nudity. And I totally did a centerfold last month.

  • ElizabethSheryl


    Oh my goodness, lady, you make me laugh! I’m the SAME way. Even though I’m technically in the young category, I wear a size 22, so no hip jeans for me and even when I get down to a “normal” size (god, I hate that term) I’m still an inverted triangle who holds her weight in the tummy. ANYWAY, I’m just not super-trendy, but I don’t need to have Sally Field tell me about Boniva either.

  • DysFUNctional Mom


    I’m stuck in the middle with you. (are you singing yet?)
    I’m such a nerd though, I read Reader’s Digest.

  • Sadia


    Where to start on how much I agree with you… When I was in college, I was a research assistant on a project studying representations of minorities (language use) in the media.

    I’ve simply accepted that media isn’t, and never will be representative. The political coverage is all about White, Black and Hispanic. Even with a mixed race candidate for President, anyone who doesn’t fall neatly into those three categories is erased.

    It’s actually liberating. As a late-20s mom-of-twins military wife South Asian immigrant technology professional, there’s not a single magazine out there telling me how to act or what to wear. I get to be just me.

  • Kiki


    You are so right. We’re tweens too.

  • Tara R.


    I’m so with you on this. It’s like when our kids are at those in-between ages… maybe we are ‘twee-men’?

  • Amy


    Well we run the gamut here, from Ranger Rick to Highlights to CosmoGirl. I just read US Weekly because I really enjoy keeping up with Hollywood’s dumb and blonder!

  • Melisa


    I’m with you also! I enjoy Redbook alot. These days whenever one of my mags appears in the mailbox, I skim through it and find a few good things and “discard” (don’t read) the rest.

  • Jamie E


    It’s like the tale of two magazines….

  • Bee Repartee


    I think it was Pat Benatar who said, “Beer is for children”.

    and here, I thought beer was for breakfast. Snap.

  • holly


    yes but bette midler’s response to pat benatar was “beer isn’t JUST for children.”

    jeeez now i’m wondering if *my* armpits need a botox. certainly *you* are wishing i’d done it before today…

    very often when i come to your blog my *reading* turns into a little bladder leak.

    momo, i love you. please never ever change. now i’m off for some dry panties. (from the bladder leakage NOTHING more – ew).

  • Caffeine Court


    I did read that armpits are a new hot spot for plastic surgery-god help us all!

  • Dapoppins


    I could be dull and say that scrapbook magazines are for everyone…but I think I like the Men’s health idea better, I could get it for my husband and i could look at the pictures…right?

    Oh wait, I am suppose to be above all that

  • Half-Past Kissin' Time


    This seems like the perfect time to tell a little story I heard last weekend. Aunt Bette was using the restroom, and little grandaughter, Kiara (age 3) was with her. Bette has a bladder control issue and was placing a pad in her underwear when Kiara asked incredulously, “Grammy, why do you have to wear a Pull-up?!” (The day before, she asked, “Grammy, why are your boobs so tiny??!” Out of the mouths of babes… Let’s hope we’re not in diapers soon, Friend.

  • transfattyacid


    The missus pointed out a similar thing to me the other day.

    We have recently been buying the Sun because they were offering vouchers for cheap holidays – well we thought they were cheap until we looked at the small print.

    So we went back to the Mail – because we like the crossword.

    In the back pages of the Sun are adverts for sex phone lines and in the back of the Mail are adverts for stairlifts and incontinence pads.

    So I guess we are kind of at the same stage in life as yourself.

  • Julie in PA


    I’m in the same predicament!I finally cancelled my Cosmo subscription because I realized I’m no longer in that generation.

    I do, however, like Redbook. It’s geered toward us in the middle, and it’s short and simple with good stories and advice. It’s one I can actually finish before the next months set of magazines come. Oprah’s magazine is also good, but lengthy and a higher level of reading. If you have the time, it’s full of inspirational stories and great advice.

    Good luck in your magazine search!

  • Jeanette


    Isn’t that what public Libraries are for – to borrow magazines?
    In my library bag today are Health, Redbook, Good Housekeeping (but only for a recipe I spied when I was waiting desperately at the hairdresser one day, and couldn’t bring myself to tear out),
    More, Cosmo and People Style Watch.

    What does this say about me?
    Also I’m too old for ‘Forever 21’, but too young for ‘dress-barn’…
    Cheers, beer is nice in a ‘Shandy’ mixed with soda!

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