After The Third Person, We Locked Him In An Office

posted by Momo Fali on August 15, 2008

A few months ago, my husband started a new job. His office isn’t particularly close to our house though. Because of that distance, and for various other reasons, I had never gone to visit his new digs with the kids. None of those reasons being that I was hoping to drop 20 pounds before meeting his new co-workers.

But, today he asked that we come up so I could hang some pictures for him and so he could introduce us to the people he hangs out with all day long.

I did my best to make the kids look presentable, I flat-ironed my hair, made up my face, and spent a half hour deciding what to wear. Though, that outfit turned out to NOT be good enough, so I stopped at a department store on the way to his office to buy a new shirt.

After we parked, I wiped off my son’s face and made sure my daughter’s hair wasn’t sticking out in all the wrong places.

But, I forgot to tell my son not to make comments about what people look like.

The first person we saw was the middle-aged receptionist, to whom my son quickly referred to as, “Grandma”.

And, the second person we met was a lovely lady whose face my son crept close to, then he looked her in the eye and said, “You have a little, little, little mole.”

I should’ve known that with my kid around, the least of my worries would be what I looked like.

    Comments

  • Mama Dawg


    Whew, I thought you were gonna break out with something truly, truly, truly humiliating for you but hilarious for us.

    Glad to know it wasn’t too bad. Just bad enough to give me a chuckle.

    Your son is a trip.

  • Kat


    On more than one occasion have I had to give my daughter the “Dear Lord if you don’t stop saying these things I am gonna duct tape your mouth shut” look.

  • Happy Campers


    Glad to know we're not the only family with Comment Modulation Problms!!!

    Reese has now learned to *whisper* to Mommy or Daddy if he has a comment about someone who is overweight. Yes, honey, it IS just an observation but it would hurt their feelings if they heard you say something about being overweight.

    Our latest challenge is people with darker skin colors. Mind you, he's 5 and is just starting to notice different skin types. He's convinced that Indian people are "Jewish" and says so in my ear. Huh?

    And in the parking lot (in the car, thank God) he yelled "Look! A black baby!" I know it was just his noticing a dark skinned baby, and he meant nothing more than saying "Hey, look what I see!" but I doubt it would have been met with much understanding had someone else heard it!

    Ugh. The last was at CiCis pizza. They have a little person that works behind the counter, & Reese asked in front of her "How can you work here if you're a little kid?"

    And then he asked my Mom (who is 60) if she was pregnant because (while he pats his belly) "you have a puff right there" AHHHHHHH!

  • chefmom


    He is a trip!!

  • Kori


    Thank you Jesus, another one like mine!

  • Undomestic Diva


    Sometimes I thank god the focus isn’t on me anymore. Other times, could someone please acknowledge ME? Thankyouverymuch.

  • Middle Aged woman


    My daughter’s best was at age 10, after she was done chatting up the salesperson, who was entranced with daughter’s social skills. As we walked away, daughter said clearly and audibly, “I think she like how I was sucking up to her!”

  • piper of love


    Let’s never let your son see my mole, mkay.

  • Bean


    A half hour finding what to wear?? Oh man, you know it would’ve been at LEAST that long for me!

  • Redneck Mommy


    I feel your pain. Once, when my husband asked me to meet some of his long lost relatives, I packed up the kids and headed to the city.

    Where my daughter proceeded to poke his cousin in the belly and ask when the baby was due…she wasn’t pregnant, and my son later pointed out to an uncle we had never met before that his “teef were very yellow.” And then gave a lesson to every one on oral hygiene.

    I drank a lot of wine that day to ease the embarrassment. Oy.

  • Amy


    He’s awesome.

  • katy


    LOL! Another benefit: With your kid around, you’ll always have interesting blogging material.

  • Natalie


    that is great! i always was overly nice after my kids said things like that. i’m sure it looked totally fake, but i tried my hardest to leave them thinking we were great. i’m sure i overdid it on more than one occasion! it would have been better to just walk away!

  • Ashley


    Hahaah! I’m scared to meet your kid now. I love the honesty but pointed away from my looks! lol

  • Our Crooked Tree


    I am so sorry I am laughing so hard! I can just picture him creeping closer and closer with his index finger threatening to touch the mole. At least he didn’t call the person a mole!

  • Coral


    I offically hope I never meet your kid for fear of what he would say about me.

  • Tom


    Next time you’re going to meet someone, take a roll of quarters with you and drop a few on the floor just before your son has a chance to get a good look.

  • Sogeshirtsguy


    hahaha that is funny. Calling middle aged people grandma is as charming as it gets.

  • AlisonH


    As a middle-aged grandma-wannabe, I think I would have offered him to come home with me on the spot and be stuffed with all the ice cream and candy to his heart’s content that I’d never have given to my own kids like that. I’d grandma him. (And steal all the blog fodder, listening to him go at it. Heh.)

  • LiteralDan


    As awkward as that may have been, I bet your husband will be bringing him back as a weapon next time someone needs to be told something but no one’s willing to be the messenger.

    Like they did with Kramer in that Seinfeld with the lady who had ’60s hair.

  • Meg


    At least he didn’t say–a big ugly mole the size of Idaho.

    I think he’ll have no problem being honest with future girlfriends.

  • Mr Lady


    I am so totally meeting your kids someday.

  • Jo Beaufoix


    I love that kid.

  • Mrs4444


    TOO cute! Before we moved back to Wisconsin (and the grandparents), Kyle would say, “Hi, Grandma!” to any senior citizen he’d see in public. It was a clear sign that we needed to get back home, so he could learn what Grandma and Grandpa really meant. He sure knows, now. πŸ™‚

  • Jamie E


    but hey, it takes the pressure off of you!! Totally!

  • Heather B.


    No offense but I kind of hope I never meet your kid. I have several moles and sometimes I sport a unibrow and let’s not get into my torso and how terribly unattractive it is.

  • Ed (zoesdad)


    Nice! You’ve got to appreciate his keen observation skills.

  • O My Blog!


    Sounds like you may have a future plastic surgeon on your hands!! LUCKY!

    My daughters run around at Matt’s work and play with all the toys he insists on having, all which create noise. I wish one of them would talk to his coworkers! It would be less daunting.

    Funny kids! You’re a lucky woman!

  • Stella


    Hysterical!

    I’ve said it before, we were separated at birth, seriously. I’ve stopped at many a dept. store and Target to pick up a new clothing item before going to meet someone for the first time.

  • DYSFUNCTIONAL MOM


    My daughter has a habit of saying things like that to me, but LOUDLY, so that the subject of her comments can hear her.
    Did you let your kid out of the office yet?

  • Ms Picket To You


    my husband works in an ultra cool environment. the great majority are young and kidless. they see my kids as funny little inappropriate comment spewing bobbleheads. which means that my lame attempts at “fashion” get more notice than i should like.

    which sucks.

  • Jenny from Mommin' it Up!


    all my comments are the same: your son is HILARIOUS!!!

  • Drowsey Monkey


    LOL! omg…you’re kids crack me up. One great thing is everything is being recorded here for his future reading pleasure πŸ˜‰

  • Jared


    Again, your son cracks me up!! LOL!

    You say you bought the shirt on the way to your husbands work…was that you I saw changing shirts in the car in the Target parking lot the other day?

    Just kidding… πŸ˜€

  • Rachel


    That is hysterical. It’s amazing the things we forget to mention, isn’t it.
    It’s all about the kids πŸ˜‰
    Great story, funny for us… not so much for you πŸ˜‰

  • holly


    i love that your son called someone grandma. i bet that totally made her day.

    he just cracks me so thoroughly up.

  • Jenna Consolo


    You may have the funniest kids ever. I love that you constantly get blog posts from the things they say.

  • LaskiGal


    I’m clearly not alone on this one . ..

    LOVE your kids!

    Hey. Never have to worry about them being honest πŸ™‚

  • meleah rebeccah


    can he please come to MY OFFICE!! Ha can call those people what ever he’d like. Id even PAY him!

  • All Adither


    Oh my gosh, that boy is hilarious.

    I can’t imagine my husband EVER asking me to come meet his co-workers or to help him hang pictures.

    He’d have to die first.

  • Birdie


    he’s so darn funny with his blatant honesty! Gotta love ‘im. I wonder what he’d say to me…scary thought.

  • Jaina


    Hey, at least he’s honest right? Sometimes that’s refreshing. Sometimes…

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