Olympics Cliffs Notes

posted by Momo Fali on August 12, 2008

If you haven’t been watching the Olympics, it’s time to climb out from under your rock. Let’s catch up, shall we?

The opening ceremony in Beijing was, simply put, visually stunning. Unless you happened to be on narcotic pain killers for a migraine headache, in which case it was quite scary.


The audience was filled with world leaders and dignitaries, including our very own President George W. Bush, who appeared hot around the collar. It’s possible it was the temperature. But, it was more likely the lead paint from his “red phone”, which was ironically Made in China.

Here, he trades in that red phone for his finger phone and tells Russian Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin to, “Call me”.


This is swimmer, Michael Phelps. He strikes this pose A LOT. Because he can. He currently holds three gold medals with more on the way. On day three, he and his teammates took it upon themselves to smash some Frenchies. Merci beaucoup, Mr. Phelps. Merci beaucoup.


If you haven’t watched synchronized diving, don’t start. You will be enthralled by the smoothness, the timing, and the skill, only to find out something was completely off.

A fraction of a twist here, a slight over extension there. All noted while the divers are flipping and speeding through the air. Here you can clearly see why the USA didn’t earn a medal. What? You don’t see it? Note the toe curl. No medal for you!


Currently, China and the United States are neck and neck in the overall standings. If you want to give a shout out to the underdog, you’ll need to cheer for Uzbekistan. Because if your country was somewhere between Kyrgyzstan and Tajikistan, you’d need people to cheer for you too…medals or not. No offense to the former Soviet Bloc. Just sayin’.

    Comments

  • Melisa


    Nice summary. I’m with you on the “Wow! That was great synchronization…oh, wait. They’re saying it wasn’t so great. Bummer.”

    I HATE THAT! These sports commentators are DOWNERS!

    Gotta go; I think they’re playing coverage of Michael Phelps brushing his teeth.

  • Middle Aged woman


    My synchronized diving commentary: Oh my God that was perfect. Incredible!

    Official commentary: If they want to make the semis they’ll need to better than THAT!

  • Smart A$$ Mom


    Am I the only one who thinks he judges are a tad off???

  • A Buns Life


    I am soooooo freaking tired, we are staying up watching it all, and it is on non-stop during the day……

  • Ed (zoesdad)


    Iwatched the men’s gymnaastic team totally implode during the prelims and then last night just went nuts. Then they almost blew it all on the final set of routines. Finished with the bronze–nice job.

    There’s a reason this thing only happens once every four years–so I can catch back up on my sleep!

  • Kori


    I guess I am totally unAmerican because I haven’t watched any of it. of course, no tv at home, etc…

  • meleah rebeccah


    Ive been watching the Olympics, however, they pale in comparison to this post.

    I am still laughing over the the thought about the: “lead-paint-red-phone-made-in-China”

    Your commentary was much more entertaining than anything Ive seen on TV.

    Curl Toe = No Medal For You

    hahahahaha

  • Melissa


    Diving makes me a little uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure that every person is going to hit their head and die, so synchronized diving, which I couldn’t look away from, made me twice as anxious. I cringed through the competition because I had no choice. It is just so amazing to watch two people so perfectly perform the same very difficult feats. I watched with the sound off, so the commentators could not ruin it for me.

  • Slick


    My wife is hooked on the Olympics. Every night at dinner I hear all about Phelps, the amount of medals USA has versus China, and something else I pay even less attention to.

    Now when she talks about the women’s each volleyball….I’m all ears.

  • Ms Picket To You


    Here’s the thing: even though me and the husband don’t typically watch swimming or beach volleyball or diving or gymnastics, we become expert judges of all these sports during the Olympics. As in: “ooooh, that was way off” or “clearly a flutter kick.” I have no idea why this is but it completely amuses me.

  • AlisonH


    Lead paint in the red phone–dang, if they made you the commentator I’d finally go buy me a TV! In a heartbeat!

  • Amy


    And I could watch Phelps strut that pose all Olympics long. Just sayin!

  • Rachel


    We are sooo addicted. It’s coming on very soon and I’m so ready.

    The synchronized diving is amazing, the men’s gymnastics last night! Hell YEAH!!

    Loving it!!

  • chefmom


    I LOVE when you do these Summaries!! I am an Olympic Lover. Rebecca Soni is on the Womans swim team and she won a Silver last night. She’s from my hometown. Can I get WOOT!!??
    I agree with the lead paint phone from China too. We all agreed here, during the opening ceremonies that if they screwed up the fireworks, they were to be blamed. ‘Cause where else makes them besides China??
    As for the toe curl, Sadly I have to agree with the judges. I was a diver all through High school and they take points for the slightest body part out of place. Feet aren’t point, legs to far apart, fugliness etc. OH and they especially take points away when you hit the board and the wind gets knocked out of you. They nipped my Olympic dreams in the bud with that move. I personally thought that the fact that I didn’t THEN drown, since I couldn’t breathe, was award worthy in itself. Just sayin’.

  • philly


    I’m not even watching the olympics !!

    #1

  • Stella


    Swimming and diving are my favorite.

    Not a huge Olympic fan and you’d never guess why…it’s ridiculous. I think I may have to save it for a post of my own.

    Love the synopsis, though!

  • Kat


    I am addicted to the gymnastics. I also watched a bit of beach volleyball as well. The diving sync diving competition always has me confused. No splash=good is all I need to know right??

  • holly


    i SOOO love me some momo cliff notes!

    i can also see that that the synchronized diver – she let something go there, and it glows! i would not give them a medal either!

    i too am puzzled by synchronized stuff. they don’t make math more challenging by synchronizing the solutions! they don’t have synchronized golf. maybe they should…

  • the planet of janet


    *standing and applauding wildly as momo fali receives the gold medal for brilliantly summarizing the last five days*

  • patty


    I’d love your take on the Today show’s coverage. Oh wait, I think I can summarize:

    ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

  • Caffeine Court


    They’ve got to get you over to Beijing! Superb commentary.

    So sad that years of sacrifice and hard work can be ruined by the curl of a toe.

  • Half-Past Kissin' Time


    Wouldn’t it be funny to have synchronized belching?! I just thought of that; inspired by YOUR post! Loved it, BTW. (And I’d love to meet your mom!)

  • kawaii crafter


    I agree, the opening ceremonies were just amazing.

    You had me laughing about the synchronized swimming. Especially because tonight my husband was complaining about it. He keeps asking why 2 people, maybe it should be 4, how about 2008 people? *sigh*

  • LiteralDan


    Synchronized anything drives me nuts because pretty much all I can see is whatever they do differently. At least I know I don’t suffer alone.

  • flickrlovr


    Fabulous summary. I wouldn’t have to watch at all with your Cliff Notes ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I doubt you have time for little people like me when you’re so awesome…but, heck, I figured I’d try: I tagged you over at my place for a little somethin’ somethin’. Wanna come check out what that little somethin’ might be? Come on, humor me.

    http://idblogthaton.blogspot.com/2008/08/10-uninteresting-things-about-me_13.html

  • Coral


    I was recently thinking that I’m looking forward to Oprah’s new season, just so I can read your Cliff Notes. Now this! I love it.

  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4


    I am laughing because we heard the same commentary during the diving–it was just rude…and they kept doing it the girl’s gymnastics ‘let’s watch that fall AGAIN and let’s see it AGAIN’ Gosh, I hope the athletes can’t hear them ๐Ÿ™
    Always cheering for USA–big dog or not ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • Tara R.


    I’ve always has issues with synchronized anything in sports. Love watching Phelps swim though.

  • BOSSY


    Very thorough. Then it’s settled: Bossy will retire.

  • transfattyacid


    My missus had the best quote on the opening ceremony – while the commentators were raving about it – she dryly commented ‘it is hardly surprising that a totalitarian regime can organise such a spectacle.’

  • Mr Lady


    See? You make me lose my will to blog.

    Now, pardon me, I need to find some undies that aren’t soaked in urine.

  • Missives From Suburbia


    LOL!! My husband is obsessed with the toe points!

  • Jaina


    Sadly I got to watch next to none of it. ๐Ÿ™ I don’t have cable (my choice), and I was hardly home to watch it even if I had it. But still, I’m sad about missing it. I love watching the Olympics.

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