A Plague Upon This House

posted by Momo Fali on November 11, 2008

This is a glimpse of how a family manages to get through a bout of the plague. I highly recommend keeping these suggestions in a mental file.

Here is said family’s recycle bin. Note how Mom and Dad deal with stress by drinking cheap beer and large quantities of wine. Oh, and see the Mueslix box? That’s what happens when you haven’t been to the store in over a week and want to make Magic Wheaties Meatloaf, but after you’ve started mixing ingredients together you realize there isn’t a Wheatie to be found.

If your substitute choices are Kix or Mueslix, go with the Mueslix. It’s a good alternative, but you will have to take some time to pick out the raisins.

This is what happens when a six year old plague victim gets tired of playing with his Matchbox cars. He makes stick figures out of the track. Don’t be alarmed when he tears it apart limb from limb.

These are bath toys, and because Mom’s tend to make plague victims bathe a lot, these toys get frequent attention. If the victim happens to name them…oh say, Jessie, Jessley, and Jorley. I highly suggest knowing those names, which one is which, and be able to make up some great stories about the three of them on the spot. Because a soaking-wet, tired, rash-covered, feverish, projectile pooping kid tends to be a little sensitive.

Get used to running out of clean clothes. It’s okay. There is absolutely nothing wrong with sending your daughter to bed with plaid pajama bottoms and a camouflage top, and putting your son down for the night in fire engine pants and a green, dinosaur shirt. No one can tell they don’t match in the dark.

And finally, about that laundry…if you wear a zip-up sweatshirt to pick up your daughter at school, and you don’t have a clean shirt to wear under it, make sure the plague victim you’re holding doesn’t pull your zipper down. Just sayin’.


  • Daddy Joe

    Whoops! I bet you were popular at school that day. πŸ™‚

    Sorry to hear about the plague. Hopefully, the plague germs have moved on their way.

  • IrishGumbo

    Ah, cheap beer and Mueslix. the breakfast of champions! (Urp.) Seriously, you took time to pick out the raisins? Just leave ’em in and go for the sweet and sour angle. Do NOT, however, leave in prunes…nothing good will come of that…

    Another breakfast of champion: a 6-pack of Piels’ and a 99-cent frozen pizza! Now that will set you up for the day!

    Good luck with the plague. Perhaps a little fumigation with smoldering herbs, or a few Aves?

  • meleah rebeccah

    Oh poor plague victim.

    But a VERY FUNNY post!

    “No one can tell they don’t match in the dark.”



  • Speedcat Hollydale

    Mueslix is my favorite!!

  • Rhea

    What is it about little boys and zippers? My 6 yr old goes for them every time.

    Sorry you’re still a plague household. You should mark your door with pig’s blood. Just so we all know to stay away…

    projectile poop? omg.

  • People in the Sun

    Hey! That stick figure is cool!

  • Jamie E

    we are talking about full frontal nudity right??;) Hang in there mo!

  • Twenty Four At Heart

    I hope he feels better soon. This brought back bad memories of being home with 3 sick kids and sick as a dog myself. Those were GOOD TIMES!! I hope things improve soon!

  • LiteralDan

    My son has the same firetruck jammies/long underwear, I believe. But I can’t say he’s ever projectile-pooped in them. That I know of.

    Hope you’re all feeling better!

  • Heather

    oh man. i will definitely keep this post as a reference in the event that i ever go through the plague here at my house. you never cease to amaze me. i hope the lil guy is starting to feel better.

    and you drink miller lite? i dunno if we can be friends, seeing as bud light is like, one of my favorites in life. πŸ˜‰

  • Weaselmomma

    Glad you have kept your sense of humor and are utilizing cheap beer.

  • Mama Dawg

    I never knew pajamas were supposed to match. I’ve been doing it wrong all these years. Damn.

    If I didn’t live a dry county and we recycled, my recycle bin would look like that, too. As it is, my black non-see through trashbags have to hid my “sins”.

  • MamaMo

    Funny stuff in tough times. Hope the plague is over soon.

  • nukedad

    You just fully described my wardrobe.

  • ria

    I toooooooootally hear you on the last one! πŸ˜€

  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4

    My son does the same thing–weird!

    Hope your son is doing better πŸ™‚

  • kaila

    There is no where near enough cheap beer in that recycling bin.

    Oh, and I am pretty sure that my little guy has not worn matching “kajamas” (he likes to start words with k) in like two years. At least the bottoms fit your little man, mine still wears them rising up to his knees.

    Hope everyone feels better soon!

  • Tara R.

    Alcohol kills germs right? Sound like a perfectly good plan to me. Hope your little man is feeling better soon.

  • Kori

    Pajamas! WTF? I am sooooooooo never going to fit in. Hope you are all recovering.

  • Smart A$$ Mom

    muselix? I don’t even think I have ever seen that. I do love me some meatloaf. As nasty as it really is. And my son is totally into sleeping in his undies only now. ‘Just like Dad’.

  • Jaina

    I hope he starts feeling better soon. And I hope the laundry fairies come help you out soon. πŸ˜‰

  • BossSanders

    Here’s to hoping the plague moves out ASAP…

  • Jared

    We just got rid of the plague…ours was a mix of pink eye, ear infection, and stomach flu for the little guy. Momma was cursed with chest cold, coughing and nausea. And I had a head cold and a nose full of cement. πŸ˜€

    I agree with the cheap beer…but what the hell is Mueslix? Sounds like some kind anti-constipation medicine or something. Not a name I wold pick for some cereal I was trying to sell. πŸ˜€

    Hope you all get to feeling better. πŸ˜€

  • Heather

    LMAO Ah well, we do what we must to survive. Oh and you can make meatloaf with oatmeal. =)

  • georgie

    hope you get rid of the plague soon….oh and i wore a zip up hoodie today THANK GOODNESS my beans are older because i am always forgetting my bra!

  • Colleen - Mommy Always Wins

    Hoping your plague is gone soon… (Psst – I do those things w/o a plague – and with the same dino/firetruck PJs! (And cheap beer!))

  • MamaWise

    Miller Lite is cheap beer? And here I thought we were being high-class all along LOL.

  • Ed (zoesdad)

    PJ’s are supposed to match?

  • Jo Beaufoix

    Sometimes my kids pjs match. Sometimes I even iron them…
    And there’s definitely room for more beer and wine in there hon.

  • MommyTime

    Oh, I’m so sorry. I am deeply familiar with those plague weeks. We’ve had them too. I send much sympathy. And wine. πŸ™‚

    Also, that sweatshirt trick is an excellent one, isn’t it? Love it.

  • BabyShrink

    I just wanted to stop by and see how you’re all doing…it sounds like it’s been rough…keep us posted on the little guy’s condition! Sending lots of aloha!

  • Birdie

    yeah well ya shoulda known better…just sayin’ *S*

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