What I Wouldn’t Do

posted by Momo Fali on November 9, 2008

There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for my children. This giving of myself started when I was pregnant. I gave up my energy, my sleeping habits, and my waistline to the child inside me. I also gave up quite a bit of my stomach contents.

Once my kids were born, I surrendered even more sleep and I turned over my cracked and bleeding breasts to an electric pump. My preemies had this cute thing they did called not latching on, which left me tethered to an electrical outlet for the better part of their infancies.

Parents stay up all night with sick children. They miss important meetings at work so they can make it to recitals. They don’t see their favorite band in concert because they’ll be chaperoning an out of town field trip. And the best of the best give up entire summers to coach Little League teams. Isn’t that right, honey?

All parents give of themselves, but because of my son’s health problems there have been times I needed to give a little more than I felt comfortable.

There was the time I slapped on a lead apron so I could hold him still during a CT scan. The doctor had wanted to sedate him, but I knew I could keep him calm…by singing I’ve Been Working on the Railroad. I kind of forgot there would be a technician running the scanner. Poor lady.

There were the times my boy went into sensory overload at the dentist and I had to lie strategically in the chair with him on top of me, just so he would open his mouth.

And, I’ll never forget doing a song and dance routine in the middle of the hospital’s lab, so the phlebotomist could get get a blood draw. I bet the phlebotomist will never forget it either.

But there are also times as parents, when we just can’t give enough.

Yesterday, in the midst of his nagging, mysterious illness, my son looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “Mommy, you have to make me better.”

At which point, I just went ahead and gave him the only thing I could. I sacrificed my heart and let it break into a million pieces.

    Comments

  • Candace


    I see from some tweets that things are looking up. Just wanted to say I was thinking about you and that was such a beautiful post. I know that last line well. After we were discharged the infectious disease doctor told me, “she’ll never remember it and you’ll never forget this.” Two years later, the memory is strong and your post brought all those feelings back plus tremendous gratitude.
    Sending love. Strength, you already have.

  • Bad Momma


    OMG, I am praying that he gets better soon. I can't imagine what you are going through.
    Tell your son that Bad Momma & her boys are pulling for him.

  • Mr Lady


    Ouch. Better learn some new songs. Paint It Black has always worked around here.

    (((hugs)))

  • Heather


    Oh gosh, poor little guy. I’ll be thinking about you both. I wish there was something I could do.

  • Marinka


    I am sending good thoughts. What a beautiful post.

  • Walking With Scissors


    There is a saying that to have a child is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. It is agonizingly true sometimes, isn’t it?

    More, more and more (((hugs))) for you all.

  • Heather B.


    Seriously this is why I cannot have children: I’d be way too afraid of having something happen to them and then what?? I can’t handle minor things happening to people I love but I know that I could never watch something bad to happen to my child and so now I’m all sad thinking about you all.

    You aren’t supposed to make me tear up! You’re supposed to make me laugh!! I’m not liking this!

  • ada


    And I could just see his face as he’s looking up at you saying those words.
    Your entry speaks of and to so many of us.
    Ada

  • Dawn


    You guys remain in my prayers. I thought I saw on a tweet that it was chicken pox but that seemed weird and now I realize I must’ve misread that or something.

  • IrishGumbo


    (Wipes tears from his eyes as he tries to think of something worthwhile to say)…There is always that shock and anguish when you realize that you are not all powerful.

    I know from my own experience that it never seems enough, but you have done the best you can do within the bounds of human capability.

    This is where language is never up to the task of expressing how we feel, but what you wrote is beautiful. My heart is kinda battered, but I’ll make some room in it for you and your family, as long as you need it.

    Peace,
    IG

  • Tara R.


    I’m so sorry your son is going through this and pray he is feeling better very soon.

  • Stella


    Oh Momo!! That made me cry! I know exactly. God, your poor little guy. I think, besides the sickness, the not understanding is the hardest part for me to deal with. They don’t understand why they are going through this, not that we really do either, and they can’t make sense of it. It just breaks me.
    Always thinking of you and your little guy!!

    I have also donned the apron, sat in the dentist chair with him on top of me and the “best” I had an unnecessary blood draw done on myself so that he could see that it wouldn’t hurt. (PS-I HATE needles!!)

    There is nothing we wouldn’t do to take the pain away.

  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4


    A piece of my heart broke off there too! That was beautiful.

    I am praying things are getting better. I’ll be thinking of you and your son 🙂

  • Smart A$$ Mom


    I wish it did something to know mine just broke with yours. I simply cannot imagine my kids saying that and the mere idea someone I know(albeit via the interwubs) did tears me to shreds. So hopeful for you.

  • Ed (zoesdad)


    Wow! Does it help that cumulative hearts are breaking on his behalf? And mine to the list, I hope it helps.

  • the*4*of*us


    how heartbreaking! Sweet little guy–I am praying for him!

  • worldmomma


    So sad, and so beautifully written. He is lucky to have you there. I’m sure he knows you are doing and will do all you can.

  • ElizabethSheryl


    Poor baby, I hope he gets well soon.

  • BossSanders


    🙁 I have no words…just hugs

  • Jenny from Mommin' it Up!


    oh that broke me up again. you are on a roll with making me cry Momo. Stil praying for you guys and glad you are feeling a bit better today (unless you are just fronting on Twitter.) 🙂

  • Melisa


    Oh Momo, big hugs to you.

    Hoping tomorrow is better! xoxo

  • Jamie E


    my heart is breaking too, for you, for him. I pray that answers come very soon, God bless you.

  • mammadawg.com


    Girl – my heart just goes out to the both of you…!

  • Heather


    I have been thinking about you guys constantly. I do hope he gets better soon. I know it has to be hurting you both. ((((((((Hugs))))))))))

  • geeksinrome


    Poor sweetie! I hope they find out what’s wrong. Just having you there with your strength and hope (and humor) will help him pull through!

    kisses from afar!

  • Weaselmomma


    Don’t take this wrong. It sounds crazy/stalky/creepy weird, but I just want to hug you.

  • okiesister


    That boy says the most precious things. You are his superhero. Keep up the good work. And give him a hug for me.

  • Mrs. Schmitty


    I think my heart just broke too. You are such a fantastic mommy.

  • Sarah


    After 21 days in the NICU with baby 2 (for issues that resolved spontaneously – and were the precursor for my strong-willed, “do it my way” daughter’s personality), I have such overwhelming awe for parents of sick children. And I realize daily how incredibly lucky I have been with my kids. May some of that luck wash your way and have your boy feeling better very soon!

  • Jodi


    Man, felt like I just got punched in the gut! Sorry your little man is still hurting. My heart, along with many, breaks for him and you! Hope he’s doing well very soon!

  • Mama Dawg


    Arrghhh…my heart. It’s breaking as well.

  • courtneyryan369


    My heart goes out to you…I’m sort of in the middle of a tough “give your kids everything you can” with my parents…and from kids everywhere, I say “Thank you!”

    Thanks for stopping by, voting for Meleah and giving me your guess!

    Hang in there!

  • kaila


    Woman, you have to stop making me cry at work. My heart broke for you and your boy. I can just see the pleading look in his eyes. Know that we all wish you well and hope this journey is a short one.

  • Rachel


    Aw darling.

    He just go a few pieces of mine too, and so did you.

    Hugs love.

  • O My Blog!


    >>>>>hugs<<<<<

    Hope they find out what's going on real soon.

  • MamaWise


    I’m all choked up with tears in my eyes… My heart just broke with yours! *HUGS*

  • meleah rebeccah


    Oh Honey. Now I have tears streaming down my face. I am so sorry.

    I know how devastating it can be to feel so HELPLESS when all you want to do is help your baby get and feel better.

    I wish there was more I could do, or say, to make this all go away.

    I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave over him and POOF he would be healed FOREVER.

    (I know YOU wish that too.)

    You are doing all that you can, even though it does not feel like enough.

    My heart is breaking with you.

    xxxxxxoooooooo

  • Xbox4NappyRash


    Really dunno what to say.

  • A Whole Lot of Nothing


    I can’t even put into words how much that touches home.

    I take for granted how much I give and how much I take.

  • Tom


    There is a special place in heaven for you. You and your kids are in our prayers.

  • A Buns Life


    Sorry I haven’t been around…..I hope he is feeling better. If I was closer you know I would do anything to help you all…..hugs to you.

  • Kathy


    I’m sorry, Momo. I only hope you can feel the love and support of your friends and keep chugging along. We pray for better days ahead. {hugs}

  • Jo Beaufoix


    Momo I am so sorry you are going through this. I think my heart is in pieces too. Sending prayers for your little man, and for his Mummy to help keep her strong.

  • Cathy ~ Tadpoles and Teacups


    Wonderful post.
    Cathy

  • Kimmylyn


    I read this in my reader yesterday..and it made me cry again reading it today..

    there really are no words..

    hugs.

  • the planet of janet


    i’m just catching up after being gone for a week…

    sending hugs and prayers for your boy.

  • Lynn


    Oh Momo, how heartbreaking. Hope he is feeling better soon.

  • Jaina


    I think my heart just broke too. ::hugs to him and you:: I’m praying as hard as I can.

  • Colleen - Mommy Always Wins


    Oh, Momo – this just breaks my heart, too. Blessings to both of you…

  • Mon (Holistic Mama)


    Found you through Mama-om.

    Lovely heartfelt post, I can relate to it so much.

    Sending you and your son tons of healing energy.

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