#11 Stop Reading Magazines.

posted by Momo Fali on December 31, 2008

Just like last year, U.S. News and World Report has released their list of ways to improve your life in the new year. Here are a few of their suggestions and what I think of them.

1. Drink screw-topped wines.
Already taken care of. I recently cut my hand when I tried to open a screw-top with a corkscrew. Really. You just have to unscrew them. It’s amazing.

2. Try that home before buying.
It’s possible the current owners won’t appreciate it, but they’ll do anything to sell their house that is worth $20,000 less than the price for which it was purchased. Make yourself at home.

3. Get a new toothbrush.
If you only do this yearly, you better make it a good one. Pick up some floss while you’re at it.

4. Get paid for good health.
With my asthma, insomnia and migraines, I can probably get a whole quarter.

5. Study philosophy.
Will do. Right after I see the forest for the trees.

6. Start using Twitter.
Now we’re talking.

7. Finish a crossword puzzle.
Thank goodness this isn’t plural and thank goodness they give you a whole year to get it done.

8. Plant a square-foot garden.
You won’t net much fruit, but you can still call yourself a gardener.

9. Add obstacles to your jog.
Just run down the middle of the street. Or, if you prefer a trail you can jump over other joggers.

10. Play a fake musical instrument.
I’m even going to spring for fake piano lessons for my kids. I’m generous like that.


  • Weaselmomma

    US News is so behind the times. Screw tops and wine in a box is where it’s at!

  • Rachel

    Screw Top Wine?

    that list is a riot but I think yours is the best 😉

  • Kat

    Fake musical instrument..like a flutrumpiano?

  • Marinka

    Ok, what is a fake musical instrument? Like my laptop keyboard? Because, if so, I have a recital going on right now!

  • Kim

    I am sooo going to be generous and give my kids fake piano lessons..maybe we can send our kids together and get a better deal?


    Happy New Year Momo!! I cannot wait to meet you next year!!

  • kaila

    Who made up this list? A bunch of really old people? Just how do you get paid for good health? I didn’t call in sick all year at work, but I didn’t get reimbursed for the days I was alotted but didn’t take. Hmmmm, perhaps I need to talk to the boss…

  • Melisa

    Wish I had thought of fake guitar lessons…could have saved a ton of money by now!!

    Re: #8…I’ve never seen a “square foot”. How many feet in that shape can you grow in a garden like that? haha

    I’m with Weaselmomma…you can’t beat a good box of Franzia…

  • ada

    Don’t be depressed! It’s all about the humor 😉 which I can see from this entry you have plenty of. Happy New Year!

  • Misty

    a fake musical instrament? as in Guitar hero, or more fake?

  • OHmommy

    They actually mentioned twitter? LOL.

    I am totally switching my vino bottles, imagine how much time I waste with my cork screw thingy trying to get it opened.

  • Ashley

    Can you really try homes out before you buy them? Really? REALLY?

  • Neil

    Some of the other recommendations were even worse! Take a “staycation!” Study Abraham Lincoln. Who are these people?

  • Melissa

    OMG, try the house before you buy it…like that’s going to happen!

    Screw top wine…yeah, ok…

    I would have to add jogging before I could add obstacles.

    And can’t you already see me playing my fake tuba? It’s so much quieter this way!

    Happy New Year!

  • ♥georgie♥

    LOL…cute! wishing you a happy new year!

  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4

    I read most of France switched to screw top and many are actually going to boxes….maybe we should all just switch to tequilla (it might be a rough year!).

    A fake instrument–what the?????

    Happy New Year!

  • Irish Gumbo

    Screw Top Wines: I tried some of the 2006 Big Mouth Red, and found it supercilious with just a soupcon of bitter acrimony, a hint of insole and a mouthfeel of vaseline. Pretentious, yet without a twang. The perfect gift that says “Okay, I gave you booze, will you please stop calling me?”

    I tell you what, I am a FEROCIOUS fake bagpiper! ‘Waa,wa, WAwaWa, wa-WAH-wa-WAH-wa-WAH…’

    That was ‘Scotland the Brave’, couldn’t you tell?

    Happy New Year!

  • Heather


    what a good list!

    HAPPY NEW YEAR, my friend!

  • Birdie

    #8 was my personal fave *L*
    Happy New year Momo! May it be full of every good blessing.

  • Rhea

    Play a fake musical instrument? What the heck?

  • Captain Dumbass

    #1. They fit soooo much better in the fridge!

  • O My Blog!

    #8-I planted rocks and it’s awesome because it’s maintenance free! Great focal point!

    #9-My kids already add obstacles to my walk aound the house so I think I’m covered.

    #10-two words AIR GUITAR!!

  • Practically Joe

    I’ve been playing a fake musical instrument for some time now.
    It’s a tiny, tiny invisible violin.
    I usualy play it while my wife is complaining.

  • Natalie

    wow! i better get busy. i have lots to accomplish this year. thanks for giving me a list to get started. since i haven’t come up with any resolutions on my own i think i’ll just adopt these. that should work!

  • musing

    If Guitar Hero does qualify as a fake instrument then I’m good to go…as long as it’s on easy…and I get a chance to warm up…and I’ve not drank too many margaritas.

  • Piper

    To every other list in the world I say ‘kiss my grits!’ To your list I say BRAVO!

    I’m feeling ever so accomplished for manufacturing and playing paper flutes. Regardless of what anyone says, they DO make music.

  • meleah rebeccah

    Twitter Rocks! Happy New Year!!!

  • Amy

    See I don’t think I can do the Twitter thing. I ignore my kids enough. But the screw top wine, I’m all over and have been, even though I prefer the screw top tequila.

  • Bec

    Oh, so they mean obsticiles that aren’t the baby, the husband, the house work and just the pure lack of motivation then?

  • Amanda of ShamelesslySassy

    I am all about the square foot garden.

  • Jaina

    Haha, some of those are funny. Off to see the whole list. Happy New Year!

  • holly

    how do they know you don’t already play a fake musical instrument. and for that matter, what if you’re already ‘doing’ all the things on that list? not that i am. i wouldn’t. i am allergic to crosswords.

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