Word Police

posted by Momo Fali on January 2, 2009

My six year old son, who has a penchant for blatant honesty and who often makes people uncomfortable (Read: Me) with his embarrassing remarks, has begun to develop some manners. Recently, he started apologizing in advance before hurling insults or doing something wrong.

“Mom I’m sorry to do this, but I’m going to step on the dog’s tail.”

“Mom I’m sorry to say this, but you have really big feet.”

The good news, is that he is finally understanding right from wrong. The bad news, is that he still doesn’t mind being wrong.

Last week, we were watching A Christmas Story (“You’ll shoot your eye out!”) with the kids when Ralphie’s father blurted out, “Smartass.”

I said, “Whoops. I forgot that there was a bad word in this movie.”

My son asked, “What? What bad word?”

I replied, “I’m not going to say it. It was bad.”

Completely dissatisfied with my answer, my boy questioned me further. “Did he say stupid?”

I shook my head.

He asked, “Was it dumb?”

I said, “No.”

Then came the pre-apology.

“Mom I’m sorry to ask this, but did that guy say balls?”


  • Weaselmomma

    Your kids crack me up. Mine always say “no offense, but….”

  • Captain Dumbass

    Bwah ha ha haaaa! Did he say balls? I said son of a bitch the other day in the man-van, but in my defense I was stuck in the snow on the cold tundra with my poor helpless wife and children. Ok, I was actually on my block and was coming home with the groceries, but still.

  • Immoral Matriarch

    I swear. He needs to be the subject of a children’s book.

    You know those books about ‘David’?
    Like that.

  • NukeDad

    Thanks to her big brothers, that word, in THAT context, is now a part of NukeGirl’s vocabulary as well.

  • ♥georgie♥

    LMAO!!! toooooo funny!

  • BusyDad

    That kid might be onto something there. It could change the face of all social interaction as we know it. I’m going to troll you on your next post. I’m sorry in advance.

  • Rhea

    hahaha Love it. What a cutie. Can’t wait to hear what comes out next. That’s is a fun age for boys.

  • Marinka

    love him!

    My son did something similar with “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but-“

  • Kat

    I got nothin. At least he apologized I guess..

  • nonna

    better than my 3 y/o g-kid. he was mad at his mom the other day and said something along the lines of grrrrr f*cking mommy.

    no appology was given. in advance or otherwise. i kept warning her to watch what she said around him. now, maybe she’ll listen to me 🙂

  • meleah rebeccah

    You son is way too cute and insanely funny!

  • Xbox4NappyRash

    genuinely laugh out loud material.

  • Jo Beaufoix

    HEe hee hee. Oh you made me snort. My husband thinks I’m so much less attractive now. Thanks.

    Happy New Year. Mwah.

  • Ashley

    Manners are always good…

  • AlisonH

    He’s got the first step down pat. The rest will fall into place with time. Sometimes.

  • melissa

    so funny!! and to think…balls is every other word out of my childrens mouths. and stupid. and smartass. and jackass.
    they make me so proud. 🙂

  • MommyTime

    My son is convinced that “Fudge” is a bad word, thanks to that movie. 🙂

  • Kim

    Please.. please bring him to BlogHer?? PLEASE.. 🙂

  • musing

    I’ll bet the next time he watches that movie, he’ll be listening extra carefully. 🙂

  • Surfer Jay

    Now thats truly, priceless. I suppose he is like many adults, we sin knowing we will sin then repent afterwords. Classic. Balls…

  • Josi

    LOL–that’s hilarious.

  • Natalie

    love that! i’m sorry to say this, but i do. so funny, that kid!

  • Sogeshirtsguy

    I don’t have anything to say other than your kid is hilarious. He should write for Saturday night live.

  • Twenty Four At Heart

    I think I can learn from your son. I’ll start tomorrow! “I’m so sorry I think you’re an ass.” OR “Terribly sorry you dressed like a ho today!” He’s brilliant!

  • Mrs4444

    OMG-That’s hilarious. Love it! Reminds me of Kyle coming home from kindergarten and announcing cockily, “Hey, Mom! I know the three “S-words!” Calmly, I asked, “Oh really? Can you whisper them to me?” His reply, “Stupid! Shut up! and Sucks!”

  • Aunt Debbi/kurts mom

    Your boy just cracks me up. If nuts and balls are “bad words”, I am in so much trouble for not enforcing the unacceptable vocabulary words rule.

  • Brooke

    I have a six year old, and I get scolded often for saying stupid and the like. Your kid sounds hilarious. I don’t think my daughter has ever apologized for saying something inappropriate. Thanks for stopping by my blog!

  • Irish Gumbo

    Mom: “Yes, yes he did. It just sounded like ‘dumbass'”.

    I’d say he is learning some manners. Diplomat, perhaps?

  • Mama Dawg

    I heart your son.

    Mine says something offensive and then says, “but no offense!”…like that makes it all better.

  • Laura

    I’m thinking that in a few years he will stop saying “sorry” and just go right for the jugular. But I might be wrong.

  • Misty

    for this reason i never point out there there was a bad word anywhere. And for this reason alone, at the top of her lungs, is why Genny asks, in Target, “what is a bitch, anyway?”

  • Corey~living and loving

    Thanks for the much needed smile. 🙂

  • isla

    I miss that boy!!

  • Whiney Momma

    Bahahaha! I almost spit out my green tea…thank goodness b/c I just cleaned my darned computer screen. That boy is always good for a hardy laugh. Hope you had a great New Year!

  • Tom

    I’m going through that movie in my head, having seen it a gazillion times, and I don’t remember him ever uttering that word. Now I’ll have to watch it again – out of season.
    As for your son: I think he’s not clear on the purpose of the apology. But he’s got a great career in marketing ahead of him.

  • Practically Joe

    Very funny story.
    He apologizes first and then says what he genuinely thinks.
    So … just how big are your feet?

  • Bridget

    I’m sorry to say this, but your son’s hilarious.

  • laurelei

    At 9, my daughter is the word police. I have a potty mouth, and I try to control it around my kids…but traffic makes me nuts and sometimes I slip. It invariably results in a “MOM!” at full volume – no matter how quietly I was muttering.

  • Genevieve Hinson

    I have to remind myself to not be eating or drinking when reading your posts — cos OMG that’s funny. Now I must find a napkin and clean up this mess.

  • mammadawg.com

    LOL – oh I can almost see his face. 😉

    Hey girl – Happy New Years to you and the fam!!

  • LiteralDan

    I’m sorry to say this, but I may have to steal this technique.

  • Birdie


  • Jaina

    Lol, he’s making progress at least, right?

  • holly

    that’s hilarious. i have again spit drink out my nose.

    my daughter always says ‘no offense but…’ and i keep saying ‘why don’t you just not offend me?’

  • Monkey's Momma

    As my grandpa would have said, “That boy is a corker”, meaning he is FUNNY!

  • Trackbacks

  • Trackback from The Road Less Travelled - Momo Fali's
    Monday, 13 May, 2013

    […] At one point a student raised her hand and started a sentence to her teacher by saying, “No offense, but maybe you should have…” Yeah, that whole “no-offense” thing? BEEN THERE, TOO. My son used to start most of his sentences with, “I’m sorry to say this, but…” […]

Leave a Comment

Your email is never shared.
Required fields are marked *