Is There Something in My Teeth?

posted by Momo Fali on May 8, 2009

A couple of years ago I was at a restaurant with my friend, Bean, enjoying some cold beer and an order of spinach and artichoke dip when our waitress came by the table to see how we were doing. She stayed to chat for a few minutes.

After she walked away, Bean looked at me and said, “You have some spinach in your teeth.”

“What?”

“You have some spinach in your teeth.”

I had not taken a bite since before our server stopped by. “Seriously? You mean, it was there the whole time we were talking to her?”

Bean replied, “Well, I didn’t want to say anything in front of her. Maybe she didn’t notice.”

“Right! Because all that laughing and smiling was completely hiding my teeth!”

Night before last, I went to happy hour with my husband and some of his employees. There was a woman sitting directly across from me whom I had never met.

Because she could apparently sense how boring I am, she ordered a shot of tequila as soon as I sat down. After she had finished, I noticed a bit of salt was left on her cheek.

Bean went and traumatized me, so I couldn’t take my eyes off of the salt and I felt like I had to tell her. After a few seconds, I leaned across the table and discreetly said, “You have a little something on your cheek.”

She thanked me and we went about our evening. I sat next to my husband’s boss and talked for about an hour before leaving.

And wouldn’t you know that when I arrived at home I looked in my bathroom mirror to find a lovely chunk of fried mozzarella stuck to my chin?

    Comments

  • Kat


    I guess the gesture doesn’t go both ways…

  • WeaselMomma


    Just as I suspected. You are one of the nicest, kindest, most helpful people out there. And you always offer us a good laugh!

  • Tom


    Aren’t people just so very helpful?

  • Single Parent Dad


    So much for relying on Karma. I think you need a compact mirror instead.

  • Heather


    Now you’re even more traumatized. You’ll be constantly worried you have food somewhere it shouldn’t be. I always find it on top of one of my boobs.

  • Jamie E


    rofl, seriously won’t anyone cut you some slack?

  • Melisa with one S


    I’m with Single Parent Dad. You need to pack a mirror. But shame on her for not telling you! Geez!!!

  • Tenakim


    I will totally tell you if you have a booger hanging out- stick with me!

  • Kori


    I am with Tenakim, for sure.

  • Rachel


    HOW did she not reciprocate? What the hell?

    But I love you even more because you aren’t perfect and you share all of it with us! YAY!

  • Mark


    Just can’t take you anywhere! Ha.

  • anya


    Classic.

  • Corey~living and loving


    dude….that is just plain wrong. couldn’t she return the favor????

    sigh….

  • Jaina


    Your husband didn’t even catch it? Dang. I always hate those situations, unless I’m with my mom or my cousin, I never know how to politely and discreetly bring it up.

  • James


    this is a no win thing with my wife. I always should have noticed no matter if she was at work and I was at home. Why didn’t I tell her. I cringe for more than one reason when I do notice. I will get ‘Why didn’t you tell me about that earlier. It’s your job”. But I just noticed. Uggh.

  • meleah rebeccah


    Omg. That was HILARIOUS. I seriously did not see the end of this post coming and I totally laughed out loud!

  • musingwoman


    I guess the “do unto others” rule isn’t her thing.

  • Bean


    I laughed out loud at this!!

  • Aunt Debbi/kurts mom


    orange oil will fix that;)

  • AlisonH


    That’s so funny because it’s so universal. I bet few people noticed, and the ones who did were secretly thinking, OH good! I’m not the ONLY one who does things like that!

    Thank you for being merciful to the poor woman!

  • Karen MEG


    Awwww, come on! She could have returned the favour! Too funny.

    I’m always doing that too, I have this little natural “groove” on my front tooth that is always inhabited by all things lovely. My boy is usually the first one to let me know.

    So now that I know you’ll look for it when we have that beer in Chicago, I’ll tell you if you tell me, ‘kay?

  • Stacey


    Every time I talk to a person and they start touching their face, I get all paranoid that there’s something on MY face and start fidgeting and try to get the imaginary substances off me.

  • Out-Numbered


    I always carry a business card and mirrored sunglasses. Comes in handy.

  • the planet of janet


    ugh. my worst nightmare. seriously.

  • Angella


    That ain’t right.

    I ALWAYS tell people if they have something in their teeth (or anywhere else), and hope they do the same for me.

    Happy Mother’s Day, lady!

  • Mama Dawg


    What a witch!

  • mrsmouthy


    That’s awesome! I always totally respect people who tell me I have something in my teeth, but I would never ever tell anyone else the same thing. I don’t want to embarrass them. I’m such a hypocrite!

  • Jill


    My friend — my BEST friend — never tells me when I have shit on my face or in my teeth. Ever. Consequently, I have come to doubt the sincerity of her friendship. And when we go shopping together, I have now started to tell her that, no, those pants don’t make her look fat, and that she should definitely buy them.

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