Frankly, Scarlett…

posted by Momo Fali on June 7, 2009

I turned 38 last week. During the last month I experienced the following. I am sharing this with you so you will recognize the signs that you’re nearing forty…

- If you pull a shoulder muscle in your sleep.

- Which leads to your husband buying you a Tempur-Pedic pillow for your birthday and you’re actually happy about it.

- If you find a gray hair.

- In your chin.

- If you fall asleep on the couch at roughly the same time you went out to keg parties in college.

- When you go shoe shopping and consider how comfortable the high-heels are, versus how high the high-heels are.

- If someone asks, “Is that a tattoo?”

- And you reply, “No, it’s a spider vein.”

And, you really know you’re nearing forty…

- When you take all of the above and completely own it.

- Because the best thing about getting older is knowing that life is too short to give a damn.

    Comments

  • Mrs. Schmitty


    AMEN SISTAH!! Happy Belated Birthday, you youngin'! Wait until AFTER 40…it's all downhill now!

  • Natalie


    i will be 40 in august so i totally know what you mean! i find myself stepping back from my register at work on occasion so i can see it a little better. these 40 year old eyes are the only things i'm not happy about! i don't want reading glasses, and i'm planning to whine about it! the rest…i totally own!

  • anya


    *When you buy cosmetics for "mature" skin.

    I laughed out loud at your list – I do the same things. 40 is the new 80, apparently!

    Happy Birthday Momo!

  • Irish Gumbo


    Wait…38? (checkingTwitterprofilepic)

    38?

    Kidding, right?

    Lawd, i had you at about, oh, 32ish…is that wrong of me? (grin)

    Happy Birthday, Momo!

  • Melisa with one S


    YES, YES, YES!!!
    I finally stopped caring what others think when I turned 40 in November. It's a freeing feeling, isn't it?

  • Birdie


    so funny 'cause it's so true! although the spider veins bother me. I don't care who else has them, I just don't want them! You're so funny Momo…

  • OHmommy


    Happy birthday Momo.

    I was prepared for that last expect for spiders veins. Really? Oh man… must start researching how to stop those from happening too soon. Im just a couple of years behind you.

  • Comedy Goddess


    Happy Birthday! I love your last line, so true!

  • Sadia


    Happy Birthday.

    Here's to not giving a damn.

    I only just graduated my twenties, but I was fascinated by my first spider vein. Seriously, it's like a little map! My husband's response, "Why did you have to show me? I wouldn't have noticed."

  • Tara R.


    I may need to do one of these lists now that I'm nearly 50. The pulling muscle thing? Even I haven't done that… yet.

  • Rhea


    Awesome post. Hilarious. Happy Birthday (a little late).

  • Angella


    Preach it, sister!

    You're lucky that your spider vein looks like a tattoo – I look like I got kicked in the shins ;)

    Happy, happy birthday!

  • Karen MEG


    Happy birthday, girlfriend!

    Having survived the apocalypse and lived to tell about it, very happy to hear that you're owning it.

    We own a coma couch, that's my excuse. And spiders? Honey, I've got highway basketweaves on my gams… but you'd better not look in Chicago…

  • Stacey


    I'm already in bed by 10pm and I'm not even 30 yet. By my forties, I'll probably turn in before happy hour.

  • WeaselMomma


    I like your moxy!

  • Mr Lady


    I'm going to go out on a limb here and say yeah, I'd still totally hit that shit.

    Happy birthday, my dear friend!

  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4


    I read growing older always beats the alternative—dying young.
    You still look great!

  • AlisonH


    Amen. And by the way–my dad got his first gray hair (on his head, admittedly) at 14. That is not a typo.

  • meleah rebeccah


    Hilarious!

    I am in my mid thirties and I think I will just about crap my pants when/ if I find a gray hair…in MY chin!

    LOL

  • Mum-me


    That last line – exactly! (I am turning 38 this week. And it doesn't bother me either. Even though I tell my children I am 21.)

  • surprised mom


    I love your attitude! Congrats on being 38 and embracing it!

  • Kim


    A..flipping MEN.. Happy Birthday Momo..

    PS.. I have gray hairs in my eyebrows.. :)

  • Lynn


    Oh so true. I've even found grey eyelashes and …um… some down there. It's time for Nice and Easy!

  • Rachel


    Hee hee hee ;-) damn woman. love your attitude, adore you writing and holy cow.. LOVE IT!!
    Happy LATE Birthday (again!)

  • ♥georgie♥


    LOL…nice to know I am in good company! I will be 39 in Dec…Happy belated Birthday!

  • BeautifulWreck


    Awesome post!

  • Caroline D.


    What if many of those things are true but you are only 30? Can you be depressed then?

  • BabyShrink


    Even though I turned 38 YEARS ago (3), I do hear you on this one, sister. How do you think it felt when my childrens' estimated age for me was — get this — 67?!?

    Anyway, happy birthday!!! ;)

  • O My Blog!


    I turn 37 in a few days…so if you find more than one gray hair in your chin, what does that mean?

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

  • the planet of janet


    happy birthday. and i can tell you that you aren't old until you find a gray hair … uh … well … um … well, yeah. there.

  • Monica


    Turned 40 last year, screeching towards 41: this was a great post! So true. Except I hated my temper pedic pillow…

  • Valerie


    I turned 38 last November and these are SO true. Just did the pull-shoulder-while-sleeping thing last week. My brain's starting to play tricks on me too. Last week I couldn't find my sunglasses anywhere–I figured I left them in Starbucks or something. I later drove into a parking garage and, um, it was SO dark in there. Ay yi yi…..

    Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

  • geeksinrome


    Happy Birthday!!

    I have all sorts of shoulder-related problems from sleeping, too!! Those contoured pillows are a God-send!

  • Lynette


    I haven't gotten there yet, but I'm on my way.. LOL

    I just found my grey hair…and I was pretty excited about it.

  • Kori


    Yep, 37 in April and I totally hear you. "What do you mean the movie doesn't start until 9:20? I can't be up that late. Let's just wait until it comes out on Netflix."

  • Tom


    Just two years ago I was laughing at my boss because he couldn't read documents where the font was too small. Now I'm finding out for myself just how quickly eyesight can deteriorate once you pass 40, even if you think you're being careful.

    You have the right attitude: embrace it, because it's what you get whether you like it or not.

  • James (SeattleDad)


    I hear you. Turning 40 has been tough for me. Could be a coincidence that it happened only a couple of months after my son was born, but probably not.

  • Velveteen Mind Megan


    I'm 32 and pretty much right there with you. Write some more about hairs in the chin please.

    And thanks for flashing the badge for The People's Party! See you there!

  • Otter Thomas


    Funny list. I already fall asleep on the couch early in the night and I have gray hairs appearing everywhere. I am only 31.

  • Jen aka Pinky


    Happy Birthday, Momo!

    Owning it is where it's at!

  • Misty


    Happy late birthday, my dear… Good for you. That's all I have to say…

  • DysFUNctional Mom


    *standing ovation* I'm 36 and couldn't agree more!

  • Jaina


    Lol, I love it :)

  • Mrs4444


    I have a spider vein tatoo, too!! (matching ones, in fact) :)

  • Heather


    your TEH awesome no matter what age ;) we're birthday twins :)

    and I LOVE YOUR NEW DESIGN. it is so hot. seriously.

  • melissa


    i turned 40 in march. and when i tell you it gets worse…
    zzzzz
    oh…sorry. fell asleep.
    happy belated!
    xo

  • Lindy


    I turned 39 in May. I am going to publicly admit for the first time that I found a grey pubic hair. I sent hubby a tearful text. How the FECK did this happen?!?!? I can't have a grey couchie!! OOOOOOH MAH GAWD!! Getting old kinda sucks in the most unexpected ways. Oh and Happy Birthday!

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