Read One Hour Before, or Two Hours After Eating

posted by Momo Fali on June 3, 2009

Day before yesterday I laughed at someone for stepping on a dead baby bird. I didn’t find the dead bird funny, but rather the picture of grace which is the person slipping on a city sidewalk. I like to watch people fall. I love AFV. It’s kind of a sickness.

So guess who came to visit me yesterday? Karma. While working in the yard (okay, not so much working in the yard as spraying Round-Up on clovers that have apparently been sneaking steroids through the gate) I stepped on a dead baby bird.

You would think that was the worst thing I’ve ever stepped on.

Long ago, on a cruise, after a few too many drinks with mini-umbrellas and a certain ingredient that rhymes with “bum”, I left the ship’s dance club with friends. I was wearing high-heeled sandals that were killing my feet and decided to walk the carpeted halls barefoot.

As we rounded a corner, my bare foot landed squarely in a pile of someone’s fresh vomit.

It may have been 12 years ago, but I am still telling myself that it was just a spilled strawberry shake.

    Comments

  • Always Home and Uncool


    Payback. It's a bitch and it squishes when you step in it.

  • WeaselMomma


    I hate Karma. She's such a bitch.

    Happy stepping!

  • Texasholly


    Karma is so freaking genius.

  • meleah rebeccah


    Oh My God! Thats tooo funny. But now I fear because I laughed – karma is going to get me!

  • Valerie


    Blech…I read this one hour after eating–I really should learn to follow instructions. I never stepped on a dead baby bird, but last year I foud one in my house. Under the TV stand. I still have NO idea how it got there…..poor birdie.

  • St


    Ew ew ew

  • Lynn @ Walking With Scissors


    Was it still warm? (The vomit, not the baby bird…) *snicker*

  • Auds at Barking Mad


    OK so it wasn't your post that got me, it was Lynn's comment asking if the vomit was warm. Blech!

    I think stepping into fresh cat vomit in the middle of the night (and this was after I'd admonished the cat for bringing me yet another headless chipmunk) has been the worst.

  • Angella


    I'm pretty sure I'll just skip lunch today.

    So sick.

  • surprised mom


    Karma is a bitch, isn't she. When I moved into my present house I found plenty of birds, dead and alive. They were getting in through the roof vents (the vents and roof have been replaced). To this day I don't look at birds the same way.

  • Amy


    OMG that's disgusting. It gave me the ass shivers just reading it.

  • Debbie


    I, too, love AFV. Oh it cracks me up every time! But the vomit is gross.

  • Kim


    I saw your tweet this morning warning me.

    I then saw your tweet this afternoon.. yet warning me again..

    I am thankful I took head to your warning and digested my lunch..

    Vomit on the toes. now that makes me green.. blah.

  • Single Parent Dad


    I love people falling over too. Once laughed at a woman falling over a dwarf wall, then realising it was a church wall, laughed even harder.

    Eeeevvvvviiillll.

  • O My Blog!


    I am suddenly very hungry for a shake!
    *slurp*

  • Kat


    Ok, now I am wishing I saw the afore mentioned tweets. My dinner about came up when you said the word vomit.

  • Kathy


    Ugh. Vomit? I would have cut off my foot.

  • Kori


    WTH is AFV? And no, no, vomit is bad, warm vomit worse, but warm dog and/or cat shit is by far THE grossest ever. Blech.

  • Otter Thomas


    I wish that was the worst thing I had ever done after a few too many fruity drinks.

  • Birdie


    *gag* isnt it weird how funny it is though, watching people fall? Once at Wurtsmith AFB in Michigan, we (the 2 of us plus about 3 other customers) were at the BX getting ready to make our way through the parking lot in the dead of the frigid winter. Thick lumpy ice all over the parking lot. it was storming so we waited a minute or so when this poor woman came walking in from her car. She tried so hard, poor girl. She stood up and fell down at least 4 times. I hated to laugh because it had to hurt, but man, it was hilarious…thanks for the laugh.

  • Out-Numbered


    I'm still trying to think of what ingredient rhymes with Bum. Hmmmmm:

    come

    dumb

    hum

    mum

    numb

    plumb

    sum

    tum

    thumb

    chum

    yum

    GUM!

    That's it! It was a bubble GUM flavored drink. Sounds awesome.

  • Monica


    Oh so gross. Bummer for you, but laughs for us, so thanks!

  • Ed


    I hate Karma!

  • James (SeattleDad)


    Can't beat a pile of fresh vomit to step in. Sorry, I meant Strawberry shake.

  • newnorth


    ugh, that is gross

  • Amy


    Oh yuck! I once stepped on a slug barefoot, that was kinda gross. But nothing tops vomit.

  • Valerie


    I dunno Amy–stepping on a slug barefoot comes pretty close. My gag reflext reacted just as strongly as the vomit. Ew.

  • Bean


    Ew, I remember that story! Weird – my son and I were inspecting a featherless, dead baby bird on the sidewalk by my garage just before I came in and read this. It was lying flat on its back and he said, "Maybe it's sleeping."
    I love that we share the same joy in seeing people fall down!

    Hippo Birdie Two Ewe.

  • geeksinrome


    my hubby once stepped on human excrement when he stepped into a bathroom stall at a Long Island beach. He was wearing sandals but the "pile" was so huge it just oozed up, around, and onto his foot.

    Luckily there was a gardener out front watering the lawn who sprayed his crappy foot down.

  • Jaina


    Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! (I love AFV too)

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