Racer and Jennifer

posted by Momo Fali on August 17, 2009

My family has always used Portuguese words when referring to things you wouldn’t want other people to hear you say in public. Mainly, this is done for private body parts and private body functions.

Though a Brazilian neighbor of my sister recently told us we were pronouncing almost everything incorrectly, and that the endearing phrase we use with our toddlers doesn’t sound as sweet when you find out that we are not saying, “Come here and let me pinch your behind.” Instead we are saying, “Come here and let me pinch your ass.”

My husband has accepted this odd vernacular, with the exception of a couple of “boy parts”. Instead of using (mangled) Portuguese, he has taught our seven year old son to say, “balls” as if the kid has morphed into a 45 year old Italian. It’s like having a miniature Marlon Brando standing in my living room. “Mom, the lining of my sailboat bathing suit is really hurting my BAWLZ.”

But last week, things changed a little. At the cabin where we were vacationing, there was a hot tub. My husband explained that it isn’t okay for boys to spend time lounging in a hot tub because the extreme temperature can hurt the “little babies” he has inside him.

When we said there were babies our son took us literally. Though he didn’t grasp the concept that there were millions of them, but instead assumed that each testicle was a child. He even named them. Racer and Jennifer. I spent an entire evening trying to get him to understand that Racer and Jennifer would not come out when he pees.

The next day, we were at the pool when my husband noticed our son had stopped swimming and was talking to a woman sitting on the edge. She kept looking over her shoulder at us and smiling. Eventually, I called to him, “Go back to swimming and let that nice lady relax.”

The woman turned and waved. Then she said, “It’s okay! He’s telling me about his babies.”

    Comments

  • Melisa with one S


    Does this mean you're a Grandma?

    Grandma Momo. haha

  • Organic Meatbag


    Hehehehehehe, it's OK, I still name mine too…

  • Kim


    Hysterical.. and top that with Melisa's comment, I am LOLing all over the place.. 🙂

  • Hockeyman


    Haha, that was awesome! I guess he has a boy and a girl, maybe you should give your grandchildren presents this year!

  • Mama Dawg


    Oh, my. This is like one of the best stories EVER. I heart your son.

  • Kori


    HA HA HA HA HA

  • Misty


    ha ha ha… that's hilarious… Jennifer huh? Is there a namesake? If so, what a lucky girl.

  • Sadia


    You couldn't make this stuff up!

  • Ed


    Brando!! Thanks. I've been watching that commercial for weeks and kept drawing a blank on him.

  • Twenty Four At Heart


    BWAHAHA! So funny! Thanks for the smile!

  • Mike


    That is ridiculously funny. I'm laughing so hard I've got tears in my eyes.

    I can almost image you running over, red faced, and hustling him away from the nice lady …… because I've had to do it.

  • Angella


    He named his balls. Awesome. This means that he has something in common with my husband.

  • Aunt Juicebox


    Racer….that's a good name. And at least he's unbiased about their gender.

  • BeautifulWreck


    LOL!!! I love the names. Very creative. I love that he named one a girl.

  • anya


    Racer and Jennifer? Too funny! My son calls them his "batteries".

  • Xbox4NappyRash


    word verification, on my life is -'bally'

    Racer and Jennifer. The twisted part of me wants to know how he came to those names.

    Too too too funny.

  • Jaina


    LMAO, that is too funny!

  • Jamie E


    ROFL, seriously!!!!!

  • meleah rebeccah


    Okay seriously, that is probably the cutest story EVER!

  • Mum-me


    Hilarious!

  • Tara R.


    I love this kid! Racer and Jennifer… that is hilarious!

  • OHmommy


    Oh em gee…. that is the funniest thing I heard in a while. Pure awesomeness.

  • Nap Warden


    OMG…I would'a died!

  • Aunt Debbi/kurts mom


    Dear god you made me choke on my tea.

  • Mrs4444


    Omigawd! That was HILARIOUS!~

  • Nanny Goats In Panties


    Even though you say it's Marlon Brando, I've somehow got a thick Sopranos accent working there. Also? Who names one of their balls Jennifer? "Hey, I'd like youse to meet my boyz: Racer and Jennifer."

    Hysterical!

  • Otter Thomas


    Hilarious story. At least he didn't name them James Westfall and Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. You are probably not an Anchorman fan are you?

  • Oscar


    Nice…. LOL

    Yeah, don't cook the kids!

  • Chibi


    OMG, I'm laughing so hard, I'm scared I'm gonna pee my pants! That's awesome. I particularly like the name Racer. 😉

  • Stacey


    LOLOL! Out of the mouths of babes! Don't husbands always stir the crap?!

  • Amy


    This is so hilarious! Racer and Jennifer?? OMG – LOL!!

  • Ashley


    LOL!!

  • Heather


    Are his babies strippers? *snickers* THAT IS HYSTERICAL!

  • the planet of janet


    grandma momo.

    i'm dyin' here…

  • Sue


    At least you can blame your husband for this one!

  • Dapoppins


    oh baby! What a way to go literal.

  • Mommy Melee


    We grew up using Portuguese words too. Coo, I think? (Spelling?) For butt. And some crazy word for having uh… upset bowels.

  • NYCPatty


    OMG! Hilarious! Hubby really needed to fully explain to him!

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