Head Case

posted by Momo Fali on October 19, 2009

I have been going to the same hair salon for many years. I LOVE my hair salon. I love my stylist, the atmosphere, the service and the fact that kids aren’t allowed unless they have an appointment. It has been my little oasis.

However, it’s not ideal. Sometimes it’s hard to get in, it’s a 20 minute drive from my house and it’s not cheap. And, that whole not allowing kids thing? It means that getting an appointment is even more difficult because I have to coordinate it with my husband’s schedule.

So last week, I walked into the little salon at the end of my street to check it out. Not only does this place allow you to bring your kids, but they’ll turn on a TV show for them. It’s also $30 cheaper than my regular place. Did I mention it’s at the end of my street? Exactly a two minute walk from my front door?

Convenience + Lower Price = “Who Wants to Give Momo Some Highlights?”

Because I was a new customer, the guy took care to make sure the color was right. He used three different shades, then gave me a haircut and waxed my unibrow. I was there for three hours.

When you’re sitting in a stylist’s chair for the better part of an afternoon, you do a lot of talking. When I got home, I realized that the poor guy probably thinks my name isn’t Momo, but rather Liar McLiarson. Why? Because these are a few of the things I told him:

1. That I had just got over swine flu and pneumonia, and that my doctor thought I had a pulmonary embolism.

2. That my son almost died from a strep pneumo infection.

3. That my son almost died after one of his surgeries.

4. That my mom was born in Honolulu and used to go to school barefoot and shimmy up trees to get away from wild boars.

5. That my mom was playing marbles outside a church when Pearl Harbor was bombed and saw fighter planes flying overhead. Then one of them crashed down the street.

6. That my daughter weighed 2 1/2 pounds when she was born.

7. That I used to have a high-pressure career and now I work as a lunch lady because my son sometimes chokes when he eats and I might need to perform the Heimlich.

8. That my husband and I went to Florida for a vacation, where we were greeted with temperatures in the 40’s. Then it took us four hours to drive 90 miles and we were rear-ended by a semi.

9. That I’m scared of cats because my neighbor’s cat used to stand on its hind legs and swat at me while hissing. Then it would attack me.

10. That I grew seven inches in nine months and ended up with stretch marks on my thighs when I was 12 years old.

Hopefully he thinks the chemicals soaked through my scalp and just made me seem crazy.

    Comments

  • Melisa with one S


    The thing I thing is hilarious (working in a salon & all) is that being in a salon has a truth serum effect on the clients. I am sure he really enjoyed you, and in no way thinks you're a Lying Liar.

    You should write a book.

  • WeaselMomma


    Truth is stranger than fiction, that's for sure. He may think that you are nuts, but that can be a good thing. Now he will always treat you 'special' for fear of sending you off the deep end in the salon.

  • Kathy


    OMG. Your mom and the boars? How did I not know this? There should be a little badge on your sidebar. "My mom can beat up your mom because she can tree shimmy barefoot." Just wow.

    I'm so happy you got a new stylist so close. I found the perfect one, too. I'd been paying twice what I pay now, and for bad advice no less. Much happier now. Good for you!

  • St


    Reminds me of about my 4th therapy session when I had already told the stories of being held at knifepoint, being arrested over a mistake, six moves in one year, homeless for a month etc and I said, "Did I tell you about our apartment fire?"
    She just stared at me. "Uh, NO. Geez, girl, no wonder you have anxiety problems!"

  • geeksinrome


    and you didn't even tell them half of it!! πŸ™‚

    Glad you found such a great salon so close to home! The only place that can cut my psycho hair is 40 minutes away. So I'm stuck going to nearby places who like to experiment and I've had crappy looking hair since my son was born…

    well, it's not all their fault since I have no time to take care of my hair (as in wash it), but damn, I miss my old stylist…

  • Kim


    Your story.. and your families stories always leave me wanting more. it is amazing the life you lead.. and the experiences and stories you just shared about your mom.. amazing..

    ps. how did the hair come out?? πŸ™‚

  • Jill in MA


    You should write a book! While I hate that one person went through all that, it is quite hilarious when you write it down like that!
    I, too have had the hair stylist experience. It was really, really tough for me to switch from the stylist that I had been going to for 20+ years, but it's become so hard to justify. (Although, I'm still hoping to treat myself to her services occasionally because her work is definitely the best!)

  • Misty


    the really good news is that he'll remember you! πŸ™‚

  • Oscar


    I don't have much hair, but when I do get groomed, I'm quiet.

    Otherwise I'd tell them about my movie actress wife and secret affair with Angelina Jolie. Who BTW loves my 6 pack abs and my….mind.

  • BusyDad


    Stick with blogging. In the real world people just look at you funny. On the internet, people leave comments about how cool your stories are. Firsthand experience talking…

  • Whiney Momma


    OMG, in a way that all does sound is a little nuts…but don't worry, I believe you : )

  • AlisonH


    So your mom was never boar-ing either!

    My grandmother grew six inches over one summer, came back to school and none of her teachers knew who she was. She ended up 5'8", very tall for someone born in 1899. (Three inches taller than me!)

    I want to read a full post and story out of each one of your brief oh-yeah's here! I'm waiting in line for your future book.

  • Angella


    "Never a dull moment" comes to mind.

  • Rachel


    I"m with commenter #1

    Write a book πŸ™‚

    πŸ™‚

  • Tara R.


    Maybe you SHOULD write a book, or a blog, yeah a blog!

  • Heather


    i did not know half of these things and not only do i think you are awesome, i love you more knowing that you're worried you looked like a head case to the stylist πŸ˜‰

  • Mum-me


    What a great find – but were you happy with the end product?

    Wow! If I had to get a babysitter everytime I needed a haircut I would never get my hair done. Hang on, I don't get my hair done for that very reason. (Babysitters are scared of 6 children.)

  • DysFUNctional Mom


    He probably just thinks you're on crack.
    SOOO did you like your hair??

  • Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub


    Are you sure you're not participating in Un-Mom's Random Tuesday? πŸ™‚ That list of info is terrifying yet somehow hilarious when all lumped together like that. And I feel bad chuckling about it, but I totally am.

    Good luck with the hairdresser thing. I hate change and probably won't get my hair done again until I land on American shores next summer. Depends on how many more gray hairs come in between now and then.

  • Geezees Geezees Custom Canvas Art


    That's hilarious…i do the same thing when i go to the salon!

  • Tenakim


    I need some tips- I am silent in the chair- awkward dead silence. Maybe if I had some good stories like you I would talk more.

  • Aunt Juicebox


    I've been reading your blog for quite some time now, and I didn't even know some of that stuff.

  • Jo Beaufoix


    Ack you probably made his day lovely. Just think of all the gossip he an tell his other clients. No more taking about holidays or the weather for a while.

    And how cool that all that is at the end of your street. Brilliant. x

  • The Devoted Dad


    What else could he expect holding you there for the better part of a whole afternoon. My wife occasionally send me to her hair gal for a haircut when it is a special occasion that she wants to make sure I don't get butchered. It's a lot more expensive than I usually pay but I must admit, she is consistently good. -Jason

  • Jaina


    Lol, oh Momo…you crack me up. I love my hairdresser being just around the corner, it's awesome! Those are some pretty unbelievable things though…he definitely had something to blog about that night πŸ˜‰

  • Bean


    Funny!!!

    And Kathy, with all due respect, the question to Momo is – how did *I* not know about the boars?!?! I can't believe I haven't heard that one! πŸ™‚

  • Mike


    Here's a few of my unbelievable "doozies":

    1) When I was younger I accidentally stabbed my upper thigh with a pitchfork, missing my "jewels" by less than an inch, while trying to keep a tumbleweed from rolling off a moving truck.

    2) I've completely burned my eyebrows, and eyelashes, accidentally more than I can remember.

    3) I caught my chest hair on fire once and inhaled the flames accidentally as I looked down to see why my chest suddenly felt warm. This burned my nostril hairs off too.

    4) Unfortunately I know what cockroach eggs taste like!

    Trust me there's more. Maybe we could collaborate on a anecdotal bathroom reader. πŸ˜‰

    See, now you're qualified to cut my hair.

  • ZDub


    LOL! I'm sure he didn't think that. I bet he's heard it ALL.

  • Anonymous


    Wow, and I thought my life was crazy! On a side note, I'm so glad to see you write "semi" when referring to a tractor trailer. I moved to Pennsylvania from Colorado and never hear anyone here call them semis. I said semi truck the other day and the person I was talking to asked me if that was a truck that was half the size of a regular truck!

    By the way, you need to write a book about your life!!

    Julie in PA

  • Sue


    Ok, I am trying to catch up a little. This post cracked me up! I am sure the guy can't wait for you to come back!!!!

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