Pain

posted by Momo Fali on November 9, 2009

On Friday afternoon I sat down to write this post, but I couldn’t come up with the right words. I tried again yesterday and here I am again, on Sunday evening, and I am still at a complete loss. It is, quite simply, too painful to trivialize with my voice.

So it has come to this. At a time when there is nothing I can say, I will simply state the facts.

* On February 17, 2004, my niece, Madison, died just shy of her first birthday. My son was too young to comprehend her passing. My daughter was five years old and understood all too well that her cousin was gone.

* On March 1, 2004, a schoolmate of my daughter was run over in our preschool parking lot. Michael was three years old. Telling my daughter that he had been killed in an accident was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

* On September 1, 2007, one of my son’s preschool classmates passed away. John was five, as was my son. My son was far too young to say goodbye to a friend and his friend was far too young to die.

* On October 15, 2009, a little girl who attended school with my daughter and whose family goes to our church lost her battle with Fanconi Anemia. Samantha was 11.

* And last week we learned that a nine year old at the school has an inoperable brain tumor and isn’t expected to live more than a year. A girl who used to play on my daughter’s soccer team and who, until last week, seemed perfectly fine.

Another child. I can not bear it.

I have not told my children yet. My 10 year old daughter and my seven year old son shouldn’t have to deal with losing their friends. Not so many of them. Not in the midst of childhood which is supposed to be carefree.

Not again.

    Comments

  • gimmethejuice


    I am so so sorry. I wish you didn't have to talk to your kids about something so sad again. Sending thoughts and prayers.

  • AlisonH


    Oh honey. I am so sorry. Oh goodness.

    In the very long run, they will grow up to be more caring and compassionate adults because they understand loss.

    But that's only because it cuts so deep. It's so hard. Please tell them that someone they don't know named Alison is wishing them a hug. Because–yeah. Just because. (And for you too.)

  • Bean


    I still remember your tear-stained voice and what you said when you called me on the way home from the hospital that night in February 2004.

    I remember the emails about each of the others, too. The fact of that statement, "each of the otherS" … the fact that there are multiple children … any children … it's heart wrenching.

    I've been praying for this girl and her family. 🙁

  • Heather


    how absolutely heartbreaking each and every one of those losses were and are for all of you. 🙁 I'm so sorry.

  • surprised mom


    Words are so inadequate at times like this. All I can say is I'm so sorry for your pain and for your children's pain. The death of a child is especially heart wrenching, but having to say goodbye to so many children, I can't imagine. Again, I'm so sorry.

  • Melisa with one S


    I'm so sorry. 🙁

    ((((hugs))))

  • Twenty Four At Heart


    I am so sorry. I still vividly remember childhood friends who died. I also, of course, vividly remember my children's childhood friends who have passed. The loss of a child is always so painful to accept.

    Sending big hugs to you and your family!
    XO

  • Jen


    Momo. I love that you're not attempting to hide anything from your children…as if they wouldn't eventually figure things out. (My parents always tried to hide the painful things in life from me…it didn't work.)

    Sending you and your children loving thoughts.

  • Devri


    Oh I am so sorry to hear this, death is horrible, but in children it is heartrenching. Sorry your kids have to go through this. I will pray that you can have strength and they can have comfort. sorry.

  • Stella


    Oh, Momo my heart goes out to you and your sweet children. No child should have their innocence shattered by such horrific things.

    I am so very sorry.

    Sending everyone in your life strength and prayers.

  • the planet of janet


    my heart breaks for you and the families of those children.

    this shouldn't be allowed.

  • Corey~living and loving


    it just isn't right…..it just isn't right. so horrible to fathom. I'm so sorry for all the hurt.

  • Zoeyjane


    That's so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry.

  • ZDub


    So much loss. Janet is right, it shouldn't be allowed.

    Hugs to you.

  • WeaselMomma


    It's not fair, To the parents, the families or the friends. It's not fair that children have their innocence taken away so soon by the ugly facts of life. It's not fair that you have to comfort them through such tragedy. Yet, it happens anyway. I'm sorry that this is happening.

  • Mum-me


    Oh that is so terribly sad. Your heart must be so heavy, knowing that your children will have to face this, and knowing that the parents of those other children have such a huge burden to bear. It's just not fair.

  • DysFUNctional Mom


    I am so sorry.

  • Me


    Oh, momma. . .my heart is breaking with you.

  • Ashlie- Mommycosm


    ((hugs))

  • Sadia


    Oh, Momo, I am so sorry. So very very sorry.

  • Hockeymandad


    Damn, that's just awful. My heart goes out to your family and the families of those suffering those losses. I hope your children can one day use these experiences to appreciate the preciousness of life and the family surrounding them. Hug a little tighter, and laugh a little harder.

  • Sincerely, Jenni


    Oh my gosh. That is horrible to have so many tragedies happen to people your children know and love.

    I can't even imagine how to approach the subject with my kids. Thankfully, I haven't had to yet.

    My prayers are with you.

  • Heather


    I am so very sorry Momo. It is so unfair.
    ((((((((Momo)))))))

  • Colleen - Mommy Always Wins


    Oh, hon…I'm so very sorry. Hugs to you…

  • Tara R.


    So young, and so tragic. A parent should never out live their child.

  • Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah


    You shouldn't have to lose all of these children either. I am so sorry.

  • Aunt Juicebox


    🙁

  • Mamma


    I am so sorry. You must want to hold your children so tightly and not let them leave your side.

    Those poor babies–those children. Those parents and families.

    My heart couldn't take all of that. You must be so sad.

  • Dapoppins


    Our experience with death has been with the older generation, I can not even imagine how furious it would make me to have to deal a list like this.

    I am so sorry for those families and yours…how heart wrenching.

  • Anonymous


    My grandmother, who raised me, died when I was 15. I'm 31 and still trying to get over it, or at least be able to talk about her without crying.
    I hope with all my heart your children learn how to be strong. I hope something good comes out of all this. I was overprotected as a child, never thought people could just disappear forever, and it's scarred me for life…
    Lots of love for you and your kids. I mean that.
    V.

  • meleah rebeccah


    I am so so sorry. I don't have any words of wisdom or nor can I find any words that could possibly comfort.

  • Irish Gumbo


    I know, my dear, I know. We both do.

    (shattered)

  • Undomestic Diva


    ((hugs))

  • Rachel


    Oh sweetie, I'm so so sorry.
    My hugs, love and prayers to you. To your kids. and to all of those families.

  • Rachael


    I'm so sorry. I have a three year old and so am lucky I have not had to deal with anything like telling him bad news yet. How heartbreaking to break your child's heart. (Hugs)

  • Jaina


    ::hugs:: I'm so sorry to hear about these tragedies. You and your children should not have to deal with such things.

  • Jill


    I am so sorry for the many losses that have come your way and how they have impacted your children’s lives. It is unfair and unimaginable to think about. I too have gone through many losses. I have had to have those heartbreaking conversations with my kids about friends who got sick and died, or had an accident and will never be the same, relatives that died, a young cousin who commited suicide. My children had to deal with a sister that had multiple cancers during her 11 year life and eventually died of a brain tumor. I understand just a little about the feelings that you are having right now. Life is so overwhelming.

    From my life experience, I found that even at a young age, they may not know how to talk about it but, it is healthy to talk about the person. Let them talk and just listen. Help them remember their friend or relative as time goes by. Remind them of funny little stories of shared experiences thay had with the person. There are books at the library or the bookstore that tell in very age appropriate ways stories that they can understand about a friend who died or a relative who is sick or has died. They are right in the children’s section.

    My kids are grown. My son was 13 when Katherine died. My daughter was 16. The long-term effects have been different for both of them. My daughter had lots of peer support. Friends would come over and pick her up and they were just there for her. My son’s friends were too young to drive, didn’t have the social skills at that age to help him. Parents aren’t always enough. We got Jon help by having him see a grief counselot. Jon still struggles with issues that were prompted by his sisters death. Elizabeth, while still mourns for the loss, has been able to move on with life in a healthy way.

    I am sorry to ramble on, and I don’t intend to turn your experience around to me but, I want you to know that your kids have you and even though life is overwhelmingly sad right now, you have each other. I will be praying for your family.

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