My Husband Said I Looked Like a Dog

posted by Momo Fali on December 14, 2009

So, you know how you have a lot to do when there’s less than two weeks before Christmas? And then your kid gets a cold so bad that he throws up when he coughs because he’s so full of mucus? And then your dog gets a massive bladder infection and ear infection? Oh, and you have to fly to a black-tie, corporate party in Atlanta because your husband’s company just KNOWS you hate to fly? Yeah, me too.

I don’t know about you, but I was able to hold it together with all that stress…especially because I got some Xanax to help me get through the flight. The flight which had me so crippled with fear that I could barely function.

On the way to Atlanta on Saturday, the medicine helped a lot, until we hit turbulence. When my husband saw me holding on tightly to my tray table, he ordered me a vodka and cranberry. That drink was, without a doubt, the best drink I have ever had…until he ordered me a second one. One-and-a-half Xanax and two drinks. What plane?

When we arrived, we heard from the dog sitter that the dog was doing okay, my mom told me that my son was hanging in there, and I had lived through the flight. Things were going great!

Until after the party when my right wrist started itching. I silently thanked my mother for passing me the genes for spider veins and sensitive skin and I chalked it up to a cheap bracelet I had been wearing.

But, by yesterday morning I knew it wasn’t just sensitive skin. I had hives. If you have never had the pleasure of having hives, let me describe it for you. It’s like being covered with mosquito bites…everywhere. A thousand of them. On your scalp, your eyes, inside your ears, your shoulders, your elbows, your forearms, your hands, your stomach, your crotch, your thighs, your knees, your shins, your ankles and, my personal favorite, the soles of your feet. I was scratching so much that my husband said I looked like a dog…with fleas…and bedbugs.

The concierge brought me some Benadryl, but by the time we got to the airport yesterday I was feeling miserable. While everyone else was printing their boarding passes, I was all, “Hey Delta dude, is there a medical clinic up in here?”

There was. It was upstairs next to the USO, where there were military personnel all over the place. Then I was all, “Hey folks, thanks for risking your lives and protecting my family, but can you get out of my way because I have HIVES!” They were happy to oblige, likely because they thought I was crazy as I kept taking off my shoes to scratch the bottom of my feet. Also, I may have slightly resembled a leper.

The doctor immediately gave me a shot of steroids, a pack of Prednisone and then asked me if I realized that my blood pressure was 160/104. Really? Maybe that’s because I’m agitated and want to tear my own skin open and I would rather take off all my clothes and wriggle around on a bed of nails or rub up on the scratchy side of a velcro rug than be here talking to you.

The doctor assumed that the hives were from the Xanax, so I had to white-knuckle it all the way home. And when we flew through clouds for a good five minutes and I couldn’t see anything out the window and we were flying through “rough air”, I’m sure that I no longer looked like a dog.

Because this chick? Was sweating like a pig.

    Comments

  • Tara R.


    What a crappy combination – flights and bites (sorry had to be said.) Hope the hives are gone and you're feeling better.

  • Amy


    Oh WOW. This just sounds so miserable. I had to laugh though at the crazy lady who keeps taking off her shoes to itch the bottom of her feet! Seriously, I can see why the soldiers kept a wide berth!

  • Otter Thomas


    I am sorry things have been so rough lately. Hopefully things take a turn for the better. Your drink comment reminded me of one of my flights where the pilot came over the intercom and said we had to land because we were having some problems with one of the engines. I watched the drink cart come down the isle and every single person was having a cocktail.

  • WeaselMomma


    A. I am afraid to ask what they charge for medical treatment at the airport.

    B. You are going to wind up naked & rolling on a bed of nails on the 6 O'clock news someday and I'll be watching.

  • Tom


    So do you have "epi pen" on your Christmas list this year?

  • The Urban Cowboy


    That sounds horrible! Just remember that flying is safer than driving…and yea, vodka and cran is a good combo.

  • Misty


    Oh my gosh… bless your heart!

  • AlisonH


    Oh, owwww… I once had a doctor want me to try to stay on Plaquenil for just a few more days to see if the massive hives were really from it. I was stunned–was he out of his MIND? You could tell HE wasn't the one itching this!

    Hope you're feeling better now!

  • Hockeymandad


    Wow, so you travel easy huh? hehe…j/k

    Hope you have a wonderful holiday.

  • Maureen


    Damn… I sure hope that party was worth it.

    I won't drive across town to office parties. Never mind FLYING to one.

    Happy Holidays Momo! (well, let's hope so…)

  • Momma Sunshine


    Oh gosh…that sounds so bad! I hope you at least had some fun at the party, right?

    RIGHT?????????????

  • Sadia


    If karma works, you should have excellent health for the remainder of your days.

  • Dapoppins


    oh sweetie.

    That does not sound fun.

  • ZDub


    DUDE.

    That sounds just terrible.

    And hives and I are totally old friends. I had them for two months straight down the backs of my legs when I was pregnant with my oldest.

    I was allergic to a certain type of dye in a drink that I was drinking everyday.

    If I was allergic to Xanax I would cry.

    Hugs. 🙂

  • meleah rebeccah


    I am so sorry to be laughing THIS hard at your pain, because I have had hives and allergic reactions and I know how badly it hurts! Your descriptions of what hives look and feel like are DEAD ON ACCURATE!

    Im glad to hear that you survived the flight home. And Im really sorry that you are allergic to xanax! That really sucks!!

  • Sue


    I'm itchy just reading this! Hope you are feeling better now!

  • The Expatresse


    Oh, poor you! See . . . you should just stick with the vodka! No hives. Allergic to Xanax? Is it possible? (I know nothing)

    I don't like flying either, and turbulence sometimes makes me yelp. I try to watch the flight attendants (so they can bring me more vodka . . .) and if they are all Business As Usual, then you're good.

  • Paul Brads


    OUCH!
    UP

  • Ed


    Misery!

    Hives are worse than any imaginable pain. Seriously.

  • Angella


    You, my dear, have had a rough year. I hope next year is a billion times better.

  • Always Home and Uncool


    Pre-flight Bombay Sapphire martinis up with a twist. Trust me.

  • Hollywood Farm Films


    OH boy! Nothing worse than flying while NOT enjoying your Xaney!!

  • Viv


    I'm okay with flying, but, I would have needed the Xanax for the party. People are far more scary than planes.

  • Mrs4444


    Disaster always seems to strike me whenever I try to attend a company function with Mr.4444 out of town. One year, there was a blizzard in Green Bay. I almost didn't get to leave the next day, because the plane had to be jump-started (not kidding.) By the time I got there (Canada), I had just enough time to attend the party and go back the next morning.

    The second time, I was supposed to join my husband at a tradeshow in Las Vegas, on September 12th, 2001. We both know how that turned out…

  • meleah rebeccah


    I had to come back and read this part again:

    "Maybe that's because I'm agitated and want to tear my own skin open and I would rather take off all my clothes and wriggle around on a bed of nails or rub up on the scratchy side of a velcro rug than be here talking to you."

    OMG. That is SOOO funny because it's sooooo true. I cant stop laughing.

    I hope that doesn't make me a totally horrible person!

  • mrsmouthy


    Wow. I always love when I find someone else who is freaked out by flying. Thank you for that–now you don't have to get me a Christmas present.

  • sanjeet


    I had to laugh though at the crazy lady who keeps taking off her shoes to itch the bottom of her feet! Seriously, I can see why the soldiers kept a wide berth!
    Work from home India

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