Random Realizations: Holiday Edition

posted by Momo Fali on December 28, 2009

1. You know you are a true chocoholic when you realize there isn’t a chocolate nut cluster in the world that stands a chance against you.

2. Or, a peanut butter blossom.

3. If your son has never had an instance where he has scratched his crotch in public, you can be sure he will do it for the first time in the middle of his school Christmas play.

4. When he’s standing directly in front of the principal.

5. And, you can be sure he’ll do it for a second time when he’s performing during the children’s Christmas Eve Mass.

6. While standing in front of an entire congregation.

7. And your priest.

8. You may underestimate how bad of a charades player your sister says she is, until she acts out West Side Story by simply belting out, “Maria…”

9. If your daughter gets a camera for Christmas, it’s possible that she will think she is the next Annie Lebovitz and you will have to pose for pictures for days on end.

10. And, during those days on end when you’ve been living off of beer, wine, egg nog, rum, Bailey’s and apple pie, you probably won’t look very pretty in those photographs.

11. When you are 38 years old and your parents still spoil you, you’ll feel like a kid again.

12. If you are participating in a White Elephant gift exchange, you won’t feel so bad about contributing something tacky when you receive a clock from 1982. With dust on it.

13. If you have to make three different trips to the carry out in the middle of your family gathering, you will realize that you are related to a forgetful bunch.

14. Either that, or they drink a lot.


  • BusyDad

    13 and 14 are causal. I'm speaking from firsthand experience.

  • Mrs4444

    I would totally have gotten that hint for charades. or maybe I would have said The Sound of Music first, but I would have eventually got it.

    Boys get nervous at stuff like that. At least he didn't puke.

  • Tom

    The "snap-walk" would have been the proper clue choice for West Side Story. Yeah – charades isn't so much about belting out anything, is it?

    And I can totally commiserate with the crotch-scratching kid thing. For mine it's like an art form.

  • geeksinrome

    Is Annie making you pose naked in a tub full of milk? no? well, it hasn't reached critical point yet, though I do commiserate with there now being photographic evidence of your drunken holiday sprees. Chin up, mate, and pass the milk!

  • Bean

    Love it!! When I read #13, the last one was down off the screen still and all this ran through my head: "Oh, I thought it'd be bc they drink a lot. That's what she should have said! I'm surprised she didn't. That's way more accurate!"


  • Middle Aged Woman

    3. The family of a former student of mine won 100,000 on AFHV with just such a crotch-in-the-play video.

    9. Annie Liebovitz is rich. Let the girl take all the pictures she wants. But explain the idea of 'candids' to her, so there won't be posing.

  • Oh My Goddess

    egg nog with rum is my absolute favorite.
    No pictures please!

  • Amy

    You like chocolate and booze? I posted a recipe today that you will want to make – like right now.

    The public crotch scratch… twice? Now that's just plain bad luck!

  • RedVU9395

    #8 My Grandfather did the same but with 'Singin' in the Rain'

  • Mad Woman

    Hm. Somehow I would have belted out "benny & the jets". Even though it has nothing to do with West Side Story.

  • Heather

    ha ha ha ha ha.
    Sounds like you've had a great holiday! Happy New Year!

  • Misty

    these are great! 🙂 I hope your New Years is equally as memorable!

  • Otter Thomas

    Based on 10 and 14 I might need to hang out with you for Christmas.

  • UP

    #3, His underwear are too small. T-rust me on this one!


  • john cave osborne

    hysterical. limited my alcohol intake this December in part thanks to what a fat sloth i looked like in the holiday photos from last year.

    Happy New Year!

  • Debbie

    I am oddly attracted to this list. Are we related?

  • BeautifulWreck

    I am laughing, out loud, and now reading this to my husband.

  • Kim

    That boy of yours is just the best.. how many times have I told you that this year?? LOL

  • Oscar

    Fun post!

    Yes, I've been an over- everything slouch this holiday week. LOL

    I'm sure I'm beautiful…. LOL

  • Ed

    Scratch vs. Pee

    I'm gonna have to go with scratch.

  • meleah rebeccah

    These CRACKED me up. Especially the ones about your son [and the witnesses who saw him scratch for the first time in public!]

    But, number 11 is my favorite.


    Wishing You A Safe & Happy New Year!

  • Out-Numbered

    First of all, Happy New Year Buddy! Much happiness, love and success in 2010.

    Lastly, tell your son, there is a cream for that. Try Sarna, ultra sensitive. Works like a charm.


  • Mox

    Hi! Found you on Mom 101's list. Keep up the funny:)

    Happy New Year!


  • AlisonH

    The first time you buy cocoa in 50 lb bags, that's when you know you're a chocoholic. (As I sip my hot cocoa…)

  • Jaina

    Rolling for 8 since we played Guesstures on Christmas.

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