This Barbie is No Doll

posted by Momo Fali on December 11, 2009

I’m not sure why, but lately I have been reminiscing a lot. Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s the holidays. Or, maybe it’s because I’m getting on a plane tomorrow and am fairly certain of my impending death.

No matter the reason, I have mostly been thinking about my old friend, Barbie. Barbie, Mel and I were inseparable. Here is a picture of the three of us as kids…before things turned ugly.

I think we were such good friends because we could all relate to each other. We were such misfits! I had not yet grown a neck, Barbie could never stay out of her mom’s makeup bag and loved to wear “Nair shorts”, and Mel…well, we could rarely get her out of the trees thanks to her freakishly long arms.
Eventually, I grew a neck and when Mel hit puberty, the rest of her body caught up with her ever-growing arms. We changed. Barbie didn’t. Some people just never grow up.
The Nair shorts became shorter and shorter, and sometimes she didn’t wear shorts at all. Instead of just wearing red lipstick, she started wearing blue eyeshadow too. And, in high school, when she had her first sip of warm beer, we lost her for good.
Barbie turned to Coors Light more often than not, though she did end up getting married. But, she had so many kids that she ended up losing her mind and once gave away all of her family’s food to a strange woman in Ohio.
I heard through the grapevine that during the last couple of years she has completely flipped out and tells everyone that she is, in fact, a weasel. The whole story is just so sad.
Today is Barbie’s birthday. Wherever you are, Barbie, and whether or not you really are crazy, and whether or not you think you’re a human or a carnivorous mammal that looks like a rodent…I miss you. I am wishing you a happy birthday.
Oh, and by the way, Barb, you have been blunked.


  • Melisa with one S

    OMG. Speechless. I almost peed my pants.

    For my blunking of Weaselmomma, your lovely readers can go here:

    For Michael's Daddy's blunking of Weaselmomma, your lovely readers can go here:

    For Nukedad's blunking of Weaselmomma, your lovely readers can go here:

  • WeaselMomma

    I spewed my coffee at the screen upon seeing that pick. I too miss those days on the swing set and drinking beer behind your parents garage.
    You guys are all nuts and funny, it's why I like you so much. Thanks.

  • Tom

    Favorite line: "…we could rarely get her out of the trees thanks to her freakishly long arms."

    The picture is priceless.

  • NukeDad

    Freakishly long arms, or freakishly small head? I think I saw something like that on the Discovery channel once.

    Great job, Momo; at least you don't have her getting kicked in the head by a mule. Although, if you'd thought to put me in lipstick and blue eyeshadow, the kick in the head may have been preferable.

  • Tara R.

    The bigger they are the harder they fall… so sad, she had such potential.

    Great blunk job!

  • melissa

    i'm dying here! that picture!! hahaha…
    you're hilarious.

  • Oscar

    That was crazy! I'm kinda fond of freakishly long arms…LOL

  • Otter Thomas

    Great work. I love Mel's monkey arms.

  • Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub

    So funny! I was reading this going, wth??? Why is Momo Fali trashing this poor woman so blythely?? And THEN I saw that the woman was a weasel and it ALL made sense….

    Freakin' weasels! 😉

  • anya

    It took me way too long to comprehend this picture this morning. I was all "That's a ton of lipstick. What's wrong with that girl's neck? Oh – a small person."….you get the idea.
    Guess Barbie wasn't the only one blunked…

  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4

    That picture is priceless!

  • Jason @ The Devoted Dad

    Momo- the picture alone had me rolling- I loved it 🙂

  • Heather

    that is HILARIOUS. I LOVED IT.


  • Ed

    This was priceless!

  • Mrs4444

    This, as Barb would say, "Is flippin' awesome!" I love it 🙂

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