Random Realizations: Dog Edition

posted by Momo Fali on January 25, 2010

1. If you once had a dog who ate a dead bat and you had to pull a string of wet, possibly-rabid bat out of her throat, you may think, “I have never seen anything so disgusting in my life.”

2. When that same dog gets older and decides she likes to roll in other dog’s poop and you find yourself giving her a bath and she does the wet dog shake and soaped-up poop goes flying all over your bathroom, you will realize you were wrong about the bat being disgusting.

3. And, 15 years later when you get a new puppy and see that she likes to roll in dead animals you may find yourself thinking, “If that’s the worst thing she rolls in, things will be okay, because remember that one dog…who liked to roll in dog poop…”

4. Then on a day much like this past Saturday, your new puppy may roll around in horse poop and you’ll think, “Well, it certainly can’t get any worse than this.”

5. But, it’s possible that on the same day, after she’s been bathed and sanitized, that puppy might suddenly decide she likes Mexican food and eat an entire bowl of salsa.

6. Which means you might stay up all night waiting for the explosive salsa-diarrhea you know will come.

7. But, it doesn’t.

8. And you’ll realize you stayed up all night for nothing.

9. Until the puppy throws up and it smells exactly like…horse poop.

10. And you may find yourself thinking, “Seriously? Why couldn’t it smell like salsa?”

    Comments

  • Melisa with one S


    EEEEEW!

    and then…

    hahahahahaha!

  • Ed


    It never smells like salsa.

  • UP


    Dog free and loving it!
    UP

  • Tara R.


    I can empathize… I have a pair of cat-poop eating, dead opossum rolling, self-snarfing, hydrophobic Labs. Fortunately we don't live anywhere near horses.

    Horses? How did she get close to horse poop?

  • Kim


    I am crying over this.. My dog poops like a horse but thankfully has yet to roll in it..but the numnut likes to crayons found on the floor.. makes for interested puke expolsions that happen..

  • MommyTime


    I'm sorry to be laughing so hard at your pain, but this is hilarious. Thanks for a coffee-snorting start to the morning!

  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4


    For the first time I am happy I am very allergic to dogs—must be that horse poop smell 😉

  • For Your Consideration


    🙂

  • Kori


    Anything I culd write to demonstrate that I relate to this is actually too disgusting for me to write-so just know I GET this. 🙂

  • C (Kid Things)


    In related news, I am never getting a dog.

    My cat ate half a mouse yesterday, though. Yes, half. Guess who had to discard of the other half? That I thought was unbearable. A bat? Um, no.

  • Angella


    I thought it was bad that Diesel eats socks and underwear. I can't believe that you've had to deal with all of that. Yuck.

  • AlisonH


    Don't ask me why that helps, but it does. Thank you for the laugh. (And sorry about that!)

  • Deb


    –>Oh My = = = your dogs are so much more "active" than my two labs but then again they spend a lot of time inside AWAY from poop, IF we can help it.

  • Corey~living and loving


    umm yeah! this should totally be given to each person BEFORE they get the puppy in the first place. totally.

  • Sue


    While running around our "farm", my dog enjoys rolling in duck poop, horse poop, other dog's poop and digging for rats. Yeah, it's a good thing she is cute!

  • PJ Mullen


    I am so sending my wife a link to this post for when she gets the "don't you think our little man needs a dog" talk inevitably rears its head for the 34th time.

  • Mum-me


    Too funny, from this distance anyway!

  • Tom


    Maybe if the puppy eats horse poop, that'll come out smelling like Salsa.
    Make sure you're always armed with a margarita, just in case.

  • http://analogmoon.wordpress.com


    Wow ~ I hear ya. I have a "LabraGoat" myself ~ silly girl that she is. There isn't much she won't eat, except her doggie food. Much prefers cat poop and cat food and dead birds from the yard. Oh and beer. She simply lurves beer.

    And onions. Yucko.

  • Piper of Love


    I find myself thinking I'm so glad I don't have a dog.

    Because really? I have enough things to clean up already.

  • Jen


    I was thinking about getting a new puppy just last weekend.

    WAS.

    😉

  • meleah rebeccah


    Oh Momo! You crack me up! But, Im not too sure Salsa scented throw up would smell much better!

  • WeaselMomma


    Oh yuck! I hope that the rest of your week smells like roses, even if your week is covered in poo.

  • Aunt Juicebox


    This reminded me of this time when I helped my friend pull a bunch of birds nests out of a whole in her gutter eave. We were pulling this nasty moldy full of poop stuff out and just letting it drop onto her deck. We hear something, and look down, and two stories below us, her dog was on his back, rolling in it.

  • Carolyn...Online


    Oh my god that just reminded me of the time I had to pull the rest of the sock out of my dog's ass because he just couldn't poop it out all by himself. And there were witnesses.

  • Mocha Dad


    My runaway dog doesn't seem so bad after reading this post.

  • Jo Beaufoix


    Why can't dogs poop be like rabbit poop? I mean, why do some creatures get neat stools and others get disgustingly messy? Just wondering.

    Oh, and yuck, and snort.

  • Anonymous


    Man, that stinks, no pun intended? Quick question, who bathed the dog covered in poop and cleaned up the vomit??? I'm guessing it was that saint you call a husband…

  • Otter Thomas


    Based on my personal experience I think you have perfectly captured life with a dog. Hilarious post.

  • Debbie


    Thank you. I knew there were 10 reasons I didn't have a dog.

  • DysFUNctional Mom


    I've had some nasty dogs in the past too, but this definitely takes the cake!

  • Maureen


    Ahahahaha oh Momo I feel your pain! I was just looking at the dog yesterday wondering how nice and clean a dog-free house would be…. and then I picked up all her dog hair off the carpet like I do a thousand times a day anyway.

  • Wendy


    New to your blog. Loved this post – especially since we purchased a Goldendoodle puppy for our boys three months back and have been regretting it ever since. Ours eats dead bats and other dead things as well, plus loves to step in, sniff and track in poop (which he amply provides daily). We try not to ever let him out without the leash anymore, but it is still a pain … the hairs, etc.

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