Random Realizations: Diet Edition

posted by Momo Fali on February 26, 2010

1. If, over the holidays, you ate your weight in peanut butter blossoms and chocolate nut clusters, you may want to consider that it’s time for a diet.

2. If you decide on a low-carb diet then, by all means, make sure you work in a place where homemade apple crisp is made so that you can test your willpower when you smell it.

3. And you see it.

4. And you watch 200 kids eating it.

5. If your low-carb diet allows you to eat certain carbs, like Grape Nuts and Shredded Wheat, they will taste like the best treat you’ve ever had.

6. Then you may find yourself going through a lot of Grape Nuts.

7. And toilet paper.

8. You may think that bread baked without flour is the worst thing you’ve ever tasted.

9. Until you try milled flax seed and soy hot cereal.

10. Even if you add a lot of cinnamon.

11. And Splenda.

12. If you are at the grocery store you might find yourself standing in the frozen food section seriously considering the purchase of low-carb ice cream.

13. But, then the rational part of you will realize that you’ll end up eating nothing but ice cream.

14. Then you may find yourself going home and being thankful that your pants feel just a little more loose.

15. And you’ll celebrate.

16. With a bowl of Grape Nuts.

    Comments

  • Me


    This post makes me feel so sorry for you. . . 'cuz I'm all pregnant and stuff, so I can't imagine that right now (although I've always liked Grapenuts). My doctor was all like "Why did you only gain 2 pounds this month?" on my last visit – and I found myself wishing that it could be like this all the time!

    Good luck on your slimming endeavor!

  • Tara R.


    We had to put our son on a low-carb diet because of high blood sugar levels, I am so tired of sugar-free foods I've started hiding M&Ms. FYI – sugar-free chocolate can have the same effect as Grape Nuts if you eat too much of it.

    Good luck fighting the apple crisp battles.

  • ♥Georgie♥


    LOL…okay you have just made me want to wait until tomorrow to start my diet…maybe I will make this page my homepage so everyday when i open up firefox i see this …enjoy those grape nuts!

  • WeaselMomma


    No carbs except grape nuts and shredded wheat? What about beer and wine? They are carbs our bodies (and minds) NEED for our families survival!

    Good Luck.

  • Kori


    I envy you only in that you are noticing a difference. I? Haven't noticed a single smidge.

  • Ed


    Grape Nuts are so much better with equal portions of sugar.

    I'm assuming that's probably not good for you though.

  • Middle Aged Woman


    In the words of Frank Caliendo, "Olive Garden breadsticks become objects of sexual desire, as in: I want you inside me, right now!"

  • Single Parent Dad


    Not sure what my diet was low in, but it worked, I lost weight, and as you say, things I didn't really like before, like oat cereal, I consider a treat.

    This diet commercial was brought to you, by me.

  • anya


    Low carb? Are you INSANE?

    Kidding – just that I could not last two hours. I start a diet every morning and blow it by 3pm.

  • momminitup


    I did the low carb thing for a while, and believe me I ALWAYS had lc ice cream in the freezer, along with some cool whip.

    Together? It was the breakfast of champions.

    Seriously.

  • meleah rebeccah


    Momo, you CRACK ME UP!! Ahahhahahahah

    "You may think that bread baked without flour is the worst thing you've ever tasted."

    and it IS!

  • Heather


    OH MAN. I am so not jealous of you! ha ha ha. HANG IN THERE! 🙂

  • U{


    TLW has gone on the Dr. Oz diet, ergo…so have I…sort of…it's amazing where one can stash bridge mix…i feel like i've just been to a strip club everytime i eat a handful. Of bridge mix, that is.

    Good luck…she lost 2 lbs this week…but we hit Ted's Montana Grill 2night…tomorrow could be a "bitchy" day.

    UP

  • Stella


    These posts always remind me of "If you give a Mouse a Cookie…"

    I love Grape Nuts. SO MUCH.

  • Momma Sunshine


    YUM! Grape nuts! I haven't had those in years…. 🙂

  • Jack


    I've been on a low-carb/low-glycemic diet since 2001 and have lost 246 pounds. If you want some advice and some good recipes, and want to know what kind of bread you CAN buy at the store that tastes good, get a hold of me and I will give you some tips.

  • Jen


    Ezekiel bread (cinnamon raisin) with butter and stevia and cinnamon over the top….MIGHT trick you into thinking you're eating something yummy.

    :sigh:

    I know.

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