Over My Dead Body

posted by Momo Fali on March 5, 2010

Ever since I was a little girl, I have been scared of cats. As a child, when my next-door neighbor went on vacation she would pay me to open and shut her drapes, empty the litter box and feed her cat. You can probably tell I am old and this was a long time ago because I just used the word drapes.

That cat’s name was Fluffy and he used to meet me at the door standing on his hind legs, hissing and baring his teeth. Fluffy was a jerk.

My husband grew up with a cat and my kids are constantly asking if we can get one. Never mind that we have two dogs and I could create something cat-like out of our dust bunnies. But, no! As far as us getting one, let’s just say that pigs would need to be flying and a fat lady would have to be singing. Also, the devil would be very cold.

But, apparently my son really wants a cat, because when we were walking around the pet store the other day he was lamenting the fact that we don’t have one.

I said, “I’m sorry, buddy, but I just don’t like cats. I will never have one.”

He thought about that as we approached the register then said, “Oh well. Maybe we can get a cat when you die.”

    Comments

  • Kat


    I have a cat and dog. My cat is a terrorist. He broke my toilet. No, seriously. Broke. My. Toilet.

  • Ed


    That boy needs a cat! And I can hook you up. Cheap! Call me. Please! Please take a cat!

  • UP


    At the moment, we are dog free, and we will always be cat free. No one owns a cat, they're just homeless people with fur living in your house and crapping in your sandbox.

    Not a fan!

    UP

  • Rachel (Hounds in the Kitchen)


    Ha! My daughter has suggested that we get a cat when my husband dies because his allergies are preventing us from getting one now.

  • BeautifulWreck


    I am not a dog person. After taking care of a puppy last year it cured the kids of wanting a dog too.

    We are cat people. Cats rule, dogs drool.

  • anya


    This is hilarious! "Fluffy is a jerk." Ha Ha!
    We have a cat and I like her because she thinks she's a dog. But, I also will never get one again. Too much hair everywhere and even a clean freak like me can't keep up.

  • Jaina


    Ouch. I'm sure he doesn't really mean it. I don't dislike cats, but I'm definitely more of a dog person.

  • Middle Aged Woman


    I wouldn't worry about it until he starts looking at his watch and asking how you are feeling.

  • Lisa@verybusymomwith4


    I love cats. I don't understand–they are sooo cuddly 🙂

  • MidLifeMama


    I have had both dogs and cats. They are just different. I really have a hard time understanding when people say they are afraid of cats. What is there to be afraid of? They weigh like 10 – 15lbs most of the time. While they would have you think differently, they really don't have any super powers. They ARE like living with a teenager in a bad mood, but they usually smell better than most teenaged boys. They will ignore you when you talk them like most teenagers, and roll their eyes when you say something they deem stupid, but they are not really FRIGHTENING. They don't demand to be walked like dogs, and they will actually only eat as much as they need rather than gorge themselves until they puke like most dogs would, offered the opportunity. And they purr. They are like little vibrating hot water bottles. My son would love one, but until my house has fewer four legged creatures no more are coming in.

  • Undomestic Diva


    LOL.

    Are you sure you didn't have one of my boys with you? Nothing like a little honesty from a child.

    And for the record, I will never own a cat either. They're just assholes. What's that old saying? Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you?

    I'm not cleaning up some animals shit that doesn't even listen to me and even goes as far as pretending it doesn't like me. That's what I had kids for.

  • Soge shirts


    Lol your son is too funny. I have always been a dog person and never had a cat growing up. I moved in with my gf about a year and a half ago and she has two cats. I became close with those two cats and then we added a third. Those cats tricked me. It is world war three with three cats running around fighting each other. You are right to not get a cat. Cats are evil.

  • Angella


    So…he's real good with the ladies, then?

  • AlisonH


    I love cats. They usually love me. But when we were newlyweds, we house-sat for someone for two months and their cat was incensed that we imposters were living in its house. It was always coming after me (I guess because I tried to win it over) with teeth or claws if I got too near. It finally ran away and did not turn up at the shelter–we looked.

    The family (with small kids!) whose house we were taking care of also had a huge glass jug in the window with caterpillars they were raising; please stuff leaves and watch the water bowl. Okay. They had no AC, it hit over 100, and we had Roast Caterpillar in there.

    Yeah, I bet we were real popular after that family got home.

    And I still love cats. Caterpillars, um, not so much.

  • WeaselMomma


    Sweet!

  • john cave osborne


    hmmm. pondering the potentiality of a post-death cat purchase. interesting. at least the kid can explore the hypothetical, right?

    i'm with you on cats. i despise all of them. well, except for one, actually. this cat i nicknamed "big kitty," because (get this) he was really, really big.

    big kitty had a head the size of the softball, the size of which was somehow exacerbated by the fact he had no front teeth, which caused him to drool an astonishing amount. he used to sleep on the front porch of my seattle rental house on weekend nights back in the days when it wasn't uncommon for me to come home with my inhibitions, um, lowered. so, though i have never bonded with a cat before, or since, big kitty and i used to kick it late night. he was my buddy. i used to tell my roommates about him, but they never once saw him. i suppose that made big kitty to me as snuffaluffagus was, ironically, to big bird.

    which always made me wonder…would big kitty have eaten big bird? prolly not. big bird was like ten feet tall or something.

  • Tara R.


    Well… at least he is thinking about your wishes.

    We have two Labs and two mutt cats. It is truly a circus in my house.

  • Heather


    Your kids are awesome, and you know what? I side with the boy. He can get a cat when you die. *smirks*

    Which may be sooner, rather than later if he keeps pestering you for a cat 😉

  • Out-Numbered


    Our kids should date…

    I remember when my oldest daughter was four years old. She asked me if we could get a pet dog. I said that we couldn’t because Mommy is allergic to dogs. She then asked, “If Mommy DIES, can we get a dog?” I said, “I suppose we could but hopefully we’ll have to wait a little while.”

    Great minds…

  • Mrs4444


    OMG-That's hilarious, and so are these comments.

  • Oscar


    While you were tending to the cat and house, did you raid the "ice box?"

    I have a cat. It was my daughters. I love him, but won't get another. The hair and claws… bad for furniture. Litter boxes….

    Your little guy cracks me up!!!

  • meleah rebeccah


    As usual your son cracks me up! And Im with you on the NO Cats thing!

  • Marinka


    Aw, so nice that he's planning ahead!

  • Tasha, The Stamping Lady


    Make sure you write that down so it can included in the homily at your funeral "that ____ can now have a cat". Aren't kids great!

  • DysFUNctional Mom


    Watch your back!

  • newnorth


    ouch, he does have patience though?

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