Things I Would Change: The Boob Light

posted by Momo Fali on March 8, 2010

I am not going to lie; I like nice things. However, I pride myself on being a bargain shopper through e-bay, Craigslist and various discount stores. I have bought a room-sized area rug for $200.00, Pottery Barn lamps for $2.50 each (from Pottery Barn) and have no qualms about buying designer clothes at thrift stores. I like nice things, but I like to be cheap about it.

Unfortunately, when my husband and I bought our house in 1998 it was in sore need of rehab. There were yellow plastic tiles on all sides of the kitchen, including the ceiling. All of the bathrooms had linoleum, the foundation needed jacked up and there were trees growing through the patio cement.

We were both working full-time at good jobs and were plugging along on the renovations slowly, when I found out I was pregnant. Suddenly, we were rushed…and decidedly less wealthy…because I would soon be staying home with a new baby. We didn’t even have the money for discount items. We had to buy clearance discount. It wasn’t pretty, people.

I made many, many decisions on the fly as well. I picked out wallpaper because it was in stock, not because I liked it. I bought carpeting off of a 5″ x 5″ sample at a bargain outlet. I made a lot of mistakes. Times one thousand.

This may just be the worst of them. This is the boob light that hangs on my bedroom ceiling.


We have other boob lights in the house, but I see this one every morning when I wake. It stares at me whenever I lie in bed and despite searching e-bay and Craigslist and every other site I can for a chandelier to hang in its place, I have not yet been successful. In 12 years.

I hate this light. From the bottom of my bosom.

    Comments

  • Melisa with one S


    OH-EM-GEE!
    I thought I was the only person who referred to those as boob lights!

    We had THREE of them in our family room when we moved in (and you know there's nothing creepier than that third boob), and when we renovated the room about 5 years ago, the boobs were the first to go.

  • melissa


    we had boob lights in our old house. bought them at home depot where they came in (surprisingly) pkgs of 2!
    seriously.
    obviously a man designed these.

  • Kat


    I see no resemblance at *all* *snicker*

  • Sue


    Recessed lighting must have been invented by a woman wanting to do away with booby lights. God Bless her!

  • Ed


    And your husband has threatened dire consequences should it ever be removed, right?

  • Me


    I feel your pain. I have one of those, too. In my bedroom… for the same damn reason. *sigh*

  • UP


    You know this was designed by some horny boob man in the 1930s!

    Had to be…tata crazy world we live in!!

    UP

  • WeaselMomma


    On a positive note, the men who visit your house always feel happy, comfortable and downright chipper, yet haven't figured out why.

  • Oscar


    in the eye of the beholder…

    I think there are MANY light fixtures like that. I have a couple myself. One in my half bath off teh great room. Never really thought of it as a boob… I do like boobs… Pottying may become more fun now.

    And anyhow, what would you replace it with? Thats a pretty standard fixture. ( I completely rebuilt my home too)

    I suggest you get a second matching one and create decorative bra-like covers to suit your mood. A pink bulb may add some realistic touches… did I say touch?

  • Amy


    Ha! Ceiling fan?

    (Who in hell tiles a ceiling?!?)

  • Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah


    We have a boob light too! It is in my guest bedroom.

    I don't like to think about it much. It makes me uncomfortable.

  • LisaWoodruff


    That is hillarious! We redid our kitchen this past fall and after searching high and low – put in a new set of "boobs".

    Thanks for a great laugh!

    :0)
    Lisa
    http://www.warriormama.com

  • meleah rebeccah


    Ah ha ha ha! My parents have Boob Lights all over the house. I cant wait to have my own place again one day and I vow to live Boob Light Free!

  • Aunt Juicebox


    I could write a blog just on the crap I hate about my condo. You know, I just recently saw some hanging lights and chandeliers at the thrift store. Also, you might have a Habitat for Humanity Restore around, we have one here. We've got a light in the hallway that doesn't even have a fixture. The existing one didn't fit over my stupid swirly lightsbulbs I have to have, and I couldn't find one that does, so I forgot about it. For 5 years it's been a bare bulb hanging there.

  • Heather


    Have you checked IKEA? I mean, they have all kinds of awesome fixtures!

    I hate the boob light. We have mostly fan/light combos in our house– MUCH better than boob lights!

  • Marinka


    Obviously you need another one for a complete set.

  • O My Blog!


    Yes I too suffer from Boob Light. Ours is also in our bedroom and has a dark areola and even has VEINS. Yours however looks like it could use one of those breast pads-it's leaking.

  • AlisonH


    Whoever put in those tiles didn't live in earthquake country. Ever. *shivers*

    Re the light, send my husband over: he is, um, not exactly short. As in, twice in his life now he has accidentally run into an overhead light and shattered it. Duck!

  • NukeDad


    I think I see the problem. Your husband must have picked this light-it's too big for the room. He went with a 38D when all he needed was a 34C. Maybe look into a light reduction. Save this one, though; your son will want it in his room in a few years.

  • rockle


    OK, now I? Would learn to embrace the boob light. Oh yes I would. I would put in a pink lightbulb and paint the "nipple" in an appropriate pinky-brown, and then I would USE IT FOR A THREAT. "You catch that mouse in the kitchen or that's the only boob you'll see for a long time."

    Hey, I only have two settings: cranky, and NUCLEAR.

  • BeautifulWreck


    It took me eight years to find a light I liked for my kitchen and I was actually the one who found it. It was a friend of mine. I totally trusted her judgment and I love it.

    Goodluck!

  • Geeks in Rome


    But think of the fun you have turning it on!

  • sheryl


    I love Rockle's comment.Just accept the book light. Hysterical. I have acouple of them never thought of that though, but I'm sure my husband would. Also everyyear the places like Lowes and Menard's have sidewalk sales and we got an awesome rustic chandelier for $20.00 bucks. It was over $100 before. check it out this spring. A bigger light would make for a wonderful boob augmentation. Sheryl

  • newnorth


    Those are everywhere in my apartment.
    I actually had a dream where the light in my parents bedroom was a boob light but it was blue. I only remember becuase I was searching the house to pick witch fixture to replace with the new chocolate fan I got my Mom for her birthday.(the fan blades were chocolate) I wanted to eat some but thought it would wobble if I did.

  • Andrea


    Uhh I hate those! They were in every room of my house when we bought it only. in. BRASS.

    no.

    They are all gone now and I swear I sleep better. We got cheap replacements from ikea to tide us over, but I love them!

  • Mike


    hahaha. This post is hilarious and so true. I can't even tell you how many times I have noticed one of those lights and the first thing that pops into my head is…boob. Great stuff!!

  • Unapologetically Mundane


    Hey, I love my bedroom boob light. It isn't a problem now, but I figure that as we grow older and get bored of one another, I can get my boyfriend in the mood by showing him the boob light in bed. It's the cheapest version of adult entertainment.

    (I just found you from a comment you left at Fussy, by the way.)

  • Maureen Fitzgerald


    We bought the value pack at Home Depot so we now have a boob in every bedroom!

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