Do Not Go Up There

posted by Momo Fali on April 19, 2010

On Saturday night we invited some friends over for pizza. Let’s say, hypothetically, that this was a last-minute get-together. I actually knew about it for days.

When you have two dogs, two kids and a husband who doesn’t care when the house is dirty, it won’t do any good to clean ahead of time. You can’t straighten up until an hour before your guests arrive or else dirty socks and half-chewed dog bones magically appear.

After my daughter’s morning track meet we came home and went to work. She dealt with the clutter, while I vacuumed, mopped, dusted and cleaned the half bath. Although there were random shoes laying around when our friends arrived, for the most part the house looked clean. Well, clean enough anyway. They’re friends, not royalty.

Everything was fine until one of the moms in the group offered to read my son a bedtime story. She took him upstairs, made sure he brushed his teeth and got him into bed. I got a night off from the bedtime routine and my son got a night off from me rushing him through it.

So, what’s the problem? The problem is that she went upstairs.

Upstairs to the land of unmade beds and a kids’ bathroom with soap on the faucet, toothpaste on the mirror, dog hair on the floor and a huge rust stain in the tub. And there is a table in the hallway that looks like I am trying to feed the dust mites until they’ve had their fill.

If I had remembered the mess that awaited her, I would have never let her climb the steps. I was this close to faking her out and letting her believe that I’m a decent housekeeper.

Clearly, I need to be more conscious of where my guests go. Either that, or my next house needs to be a ranch.

    Comments

  • Tara R.


    This is exactly why I have a ranch-style house. A single level is hard enough to keep decent (notice I didn't say 'clean'), a second story would be used solely for clutter storage – a top-level hoarder paradise if you will. As it is now, my garage is serving that purpose.

  • Stella


    Our friends know not to go upstairs or at least ask first. We had my parents over this weekend and I HAD to clean upstairs because they wanted to see our daughter's new bed. What a pain in the ass!
    I'm not so sure that I could deal with a ranch house!!

  • Jodi


    Clean house, dirty house, it's all good Momo cause you are a rock star!

  • Andrea


    I don't know WHAT I would do with a second floor! I am pretty sure that any laundry would be thrown away and new clothes purchased because do you KNOW how hard it is to climb stairs with a laundry basket? Yeah. I am out of breath already…

  • Surfer Jay


    No no no no , you're looking at this all wrong. The reality is that she also has a room or section of the house that is offlimits to guests, that if her guests were to enter that area should would die from embarresment. She was probably thinking how much alike you are, and that she is glad to know she's not the only one who does it..

  • Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]


    We don't have an upstairs so we have to close all the doors and instruct the kids to LEAVE THE DOORS SHUT.

    It's pretty much for everyone's safety.

  • meleah rebeccah


    Your house sounds just like my mom's house. Especially when guests come over. The downstairs is completely respectable. The upstairs? NOT SO MUCH!

  • Rachel


    LOL.

    Love. I can't imagine trying to keep a 2 story clean!

    yowza!

    Feeding dust bunnies until they're full…" —- rolling

  • Davina


    Having a Ranch doesn't help either. It's just a loosing battle Momo… just give up!

  • Me


    Thanks for the chuckle, this post really is making me giggle, I have SO been there before. . . my house is spotless, just DO NOT OPEN CLOSET DOORS IF YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE!!! *giggle* But like you said, they're friends! Not royalty. Friends shouldn't be afraid of a little bit of grime around the edges!

  • Geeks in Rome


    install some laundry chutes for clean up so it all ends up in the dark basement. Unless of course next time that same friend decides she wants to head down there to make sure your electrical wiring and fuse box are up to code, then you might as well have a bonfire of crap out back..

  • anya


    I'm a "wee bit" of a clean freak, but my sis in law always reminds me that people come over to see ME, not my house.

  • kate


    You just described every household in America! We all have those things you described!! Love it!

  • BusyDad


    Ying Yang, Momo. If everything were clean, we wouldn't know what clean truly is. Eastern philosophy is useful for many things.

  • melissa


    if you only knew how i relate to this post. i am so embarrassed by how messy my upstairs is!!

  • Aimee Greeblemonkey


    Those of us with tiny 1 floor houses ARE LAUGHING AT YOU!!!

  • WeaselMomma


    It's just in my blood to NEVER let anyone upstairs in my home. It's a liability factor. You know, in case the dust bunnies bite.

  • the*4*of*us


    ha! I don't mind our really close friends seeing the upstairs mess, but if only I could count the times i've told kids "no, we're not playing upstairs today". only because i'm afraid their parents will go up to get them and see the disaster!!!

  • Wendy


    FYI on the ranch front…people see EVERYTHING at ALL times! I'm in a constant state of perpetual-pick-up mode! Just a mere trip to the bathroom for my guests showcases all the bedrooms! ACK! What (we) need is a cleaning lady. I'm just sayin. 🙂

  • AlisonH


    Anna Quindlen has a marvelous essay out there somewhere about "putting up a good front." She details the ways in which we do stuff at the last second to pretend that we are in control of it all and all is spotless. The way she detailed it was spot-on (now THERE'S a phrase for it!) and absolutely hysterical.

    Honey, if you ever feel bad about your housekeeping, come see mine. I guarantee you you will feel wonderful after that.

  • Deb


    You make your beds sometimes?

    Leave a Comment

    Your email is never shared.
    Required fields are marked *