Hot Mess

posted by Momo Fali on May 25, 2010

I have five more work days until summer break starts. FIVE. I am excited about this for many reasons, but mostly because it will free up time to paint peeling ceilings and doors which dogs slam their noses into because they think they are ajar. Judging by the velocity at which our two dogs run into our storm doors, they clearly picture an enormous lamb shank on the other side.

I also work as a cook (read: lunch lady) in an old school with a single window air conditioner which blows out such a lack of cold air that we might as well have a politician standing in the corner. Or my hair dryer. Same difference.

I took the job because my son sometimes chokes when he eats, which has happened this school year exactly none times. I’m pretty sure my boss thinks it was a lie and that I really wanted to work there because I truly enjoy smelling like pepperoni.

There are benefits to my work outside of that choking thing and the fact that I have the same days off as my kids and never have to worry about child care. Mainly, that I can occasionally sneak a curly fry and that when we make green beans there is a veggie steam that coats my skin. That’s right. Free facial.

But, my house misses me. A lot. If I could read her emotions by looking at her cluttered basement or weed-filled flowerbeds I would see her crying. Crying like she just watched The Champ. She’s tired of her stained carpet and unwashed windows. I think my house would leave me for another owner if it could.

So I have started my list of summer chores. It’s long and ambitious, but I’m confident that I will have the energy and motivation to get some stuff done. If I can cook for 200 people in a kitchen that is to me what water was to the Wicked Witch of the West, than I can certainly get a few chores crossed off of my list.

Because even though my house is falling apart, the central air conditioning works like a charm.

    Comments

  • Melisa with one S


    The mental picture of your house taking off down the street to find another owner cracks me up. She'd be back though; I know it. 🙂

    I feel your pain. My house is also neglected. I'm looking forward to giving it some attention sometime in 2018.

  • WeaselMomma


    Three Cheers for Summertime!
    BTW – My house is neglected and begging for some TLC too. Now I feel even worse about it because I don't have an 'I'm a lunch lady' excuse. I'm just being a slacker.

  • Ed


    You kind of just described my house. But I'm not a lunch lady — I'm just lazy!

  • mandibone


    I was a lunch lady for one summer for a summer program. I really loved that job. I want to apply to be the lunch lady again once my youngest is in school.

  • UP


    I'm spending my summer vacation working full time…silly me.

    And I love, love, love the politician/hair-dryer reference.

    Awesomely creative!!

    TLW is a lunch room lady as well ya know. (She's the manager!)She can't wait either.

    UP

  • Piper of Love


    Need any help? I would be delighted to assist you with your summer chore list.. it would be dreamy!

    (I really would take any excuse to see you again)

  • lisa


    Oh no! I just interviewed for a school job in the fall. I am already having heart pallpatations about going back to work!

    :0)
    Lisa
    http://www.warriormama.com

  • Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]


    CHAMP!

    Don't make me cry. Please.

  • Overflowing Brain


    If you aren't feeling fulfilled with the chores that you need to do at your house, please feel free to come out to California and take on some of mine. Don't worry, I'll save you plenty. I'm a giver like that.

  • BusyDad


    I bet you look HAWT in a hairnet, yelling at kids to move along.

  • rockle


    i think my house would be embarrassed to leave me, because there is not a single room in that joint where the curtains match the carpet. NOT ONE.

    the flowers in my desperately unweeded beds are about to die of shame, though, i think. i suck at housekeeping.

  • Aunt Juicebox


    My house needs my attention too but I don't really want to spend my first free summer in 12 years working on it. 🙁

  • The Urban Cowboy


    You're good to go as long as the AC is! Unfortunately, summer never seems to last long enough for me to accomplish my to do lists.

  • mrsmouthy


    Wow, I want to frame that line about the politician in the corner. Good stuff, man.

  • meleah rebeccah


    Whoo Hoo! Here's to you having a summer at home with central air-conditioning even if it comes with an insane to-do-list!

  • Amy


    My house and your house would have a lot to talk about. I don't get summers off though – so my house will likely continue to be trashed. (Deep heavy depressed SIGH)

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