Things I Said Yesterday II

posted by Momo Fali on May 21, 2010

To my daughter:

“Although I did pass fifth grade, it was a long time ago. You will have to ask Dad to help you with this math homework.”

To a friend who is pregnant with twins:

“I wish I was pregnant with twins so I would have an excuse for this body.”

To my back:

“Don’t you dare go out on me.”

To the dog:

“Please stop barking!”

To my son:

“I know that you love icing, but that does not make okay for you to lick it off of your classmate’s cupcake.”

“Please stop barking!”

“I’m sure that it’s fun for a boy to wear his first cup, but you probably shouldn’t slam that stainless steel water bottle against your private parts to make sure it’s working.”

    Comments

  • WeaselMomma


    How else is the boy supposed to test his cup?

  • Tara R.


    The cup check is a rite of passage for every young male.

  • unmitigated me


    We drove to Cleveland with my son for his first martial arts tournament. When we got there, ALL the boys were doing that. Their teacher wanted to name the team, the Crotch-Knockers."

  • Mum-me


    I imagine it would be quite a novelty for a young boy to be able to smask his 'crown jewels' and not feel pain.

    You had to tell your son to stop barking?

    I have to tell my daughter to stop neighing, and meowing.

  • Sarah


    I do not have boys. I have no clue about boys. Holy cow, that last one made me laugh and then when I read all the comments, I had tears in my eyes.

  • Surfer Jay


    Nothing like getting a swift kick to the nuts after you put on your first cup.

  • Oscar


    I love it! I'll have to steal this idea one day – of course I'll give you props!

    We just rapped against it with our knuckles.

    Maybe he's the next Johhny Knoxville?

    (I always find the WV words funny – this one was "shwar"

  • Dapoppins


    as per usual, your one liners are comic-ready material!

  • SurprisedMom


    Never knew about the cup test. No brothers. No sons. My dad and The Mister didn't do this when I came into their lives. At least I'll know if I have a grandson someday. Why was your son barking? Was he sympathizing with the dog?

  • meleah rebeccah


    Oh god, I hear you on the Math Homework!

  • Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah


    Boys are all the same.

  • AlisonH


    If mine did that they sure didn't do it around me–shows you what I knew.

  • UP


    Math and neckties are of the devil!
    http://www.rednecklatte.com/index.php?s=math+and+neckties Here's proof!

    UP

  • Monica


    My son was so excited about his first cup that he came running down the stairs, wearing it proudly for he first time, and said: "Mom, knock on my pen*s!"

  • Julie in PA


    Ahh gotta love the math homework. I texted my mother the one night to tell thank you for the college degree because I was putting it to use helping my fifth grader with his math homework. The next night I had to text her and say so much for the college degree…this math is too hard. I actually sent the homework back with a note that we couldn't figure it out. I should mention I graduated from college with honors…I'm not dumb. Really.

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