Lessons in Grace

posted by Momo Fali on August 26, 2011

A few weeks ago, I came face to face with a woman who I thought would hate me. Her name is Katherine.

We were both nominated for what I can only describe as the blogging equivalent of the Oscars. I won’t get in to how much of an honor it is to be chosen for Voices of the Year, because if you’re not a blogger then you won’t understand. My mom is scratching her head right now. I don’t have to go into details, because that isn’t what matters. Just know it’s a big deal.

So, Katherine and I were both nominated and we tied for People’s Choice. I don’t know how the decision was made that I would end up reading my winning post in front of a huge audience, while she was simply mentioned as a finalist, but that’s what happened.

Photo from www.walkingwithscissors.com

I felt a lot of guilt over that tie.

I was worried that Katherine would think there was favoritism involved or that I didn’t deserve to be on the stage. Clearly, her post resonated with the community as well and I’m sure she wondered why she didn’t get to share it.

But, when I saw Katherine, I was greeted with a warm hug and a “Congratulations!”. It wasn’t disingenuous, it wasn’t contrived and at the reception following my reading she grabbed my shoulders and shook me a little when she said, “There is no doubt that your post was meant to be read. You did great!”

She is a class act. She handled the entire situation with grace and didn’t judge me or cry favoritism. She was accepting, understanding and I will forever call her my friend.

I can’t say that I would have been as kind as Katherine. I would like to hope so. I think I would be gracious, but I really don’t know.

Maybe I would have been catty. Maybe I would have appraised the situation with virulence and talked behind Katherine’s back and said she didn’t deserve it. Maybe I would have said that my post was better than hers.

I am nothing if not flawed.

There is a huge lesson to be learned here; which is that bitterness and jealousy is good for no one. If the tables had been turned and I was in Katherine’s situation and hadn’t handled it the way she did, I would have missed out on a friendship with a strong woman, brilliant writer and really good person.

And, instead of tying for the win, I would have completely lost out.


  • Katherine @ Postpartum Progress

    You made me cry. You’re so sweet! I really meant everything I said. I’m so glad you were up there reading. It was wonderful to see you on stage and I loved your piece. Much love to you.

  • Ann

    I kind of want to cry too. Thanks a lot, I’m never coming back here.

    Also, I adore you both.

  • lceel

    No, Momo. There are many, many people out here who would be more than willing to tell you that you would have done the same as Katherine did.

    The cream rises to the top, Momo – for good reason. That little voice in your head that likes to scream at you that you’re not good enough – ignore it. You are. Enjoy. Listen to Katherine.

  • Headless Mom

    I don’t know Katherine, but now I want to. What a lovely tribute!

  • anymommy

    I want to be exactly like both of you when I grow up. It’s so easy for me to lose sight of the graceful response sometimes. I learn so much by watching the talented ladies I know through their beautiful words.

  • Heather

    She sounds like a wonderful person! And a good friend now 🙂

  • Wenderly

    Beautifully said Momo.

  • Amy

    Katherine has saved my life more than once. And you, well, you know how much I love you, don’t you?

    How cool that you two have formed a friendship through BlogHer. Damn, this blogging stuff is cool, isn’t it? *sniff*

  • molly

    Katherine is good people. FOR REAL.

    I really have no idea how they chose from all the finalists’ posts! They were all amazing! I read all of them but hearing them aloud? It’s a gift in and of itself. I learned from every post that was read that day. I cried and I celebrated with the speakers.

    But since I’m just a little bit selfish, I would have loved a little more notority for being nominated as a finalist. Like say, a princess crown or a huge trophy in the shape of a laptop. More realistically, maybe our names listed on a big poster at the VOTY reception or a special nametag. They would have made rad conversation starters. Ya know, for us unapproachable writer folk.

    People that I met at the conf checked out my blog afterward and then emailed me to ask why I hadn’t mentioned I was a VOTY. I wanted to respond, ummmm, because I’m not a douchenozzle.

  • dysfunctional mom

    I love people like that. I am always humbled by their actions, and it makes me think about how I should be more like that.

  • lucychili


  • Melisa

    You and Katherine are BOTH class acts. The end.

  • dapoppins

    Thanks for leaving the link to Katherine, cause this is a woman I would want to know. !

    Congrats on all your blogging success and all the great places your writing is taking it. How cool is it to take a gift God has given, circumstances God has given, and refine them into something so beautifully meaningful that you get to share them with the world!!!!!

  • Flawless Mom

    That is such an amazing and important lesson. I know I’ve missed out on friendships in the past because of stupid behavior. How great is it that you recognized how amazing she is and that she recognized how fantastic you are. You’re both lucky.

  • meleah rebeccah

    I second what Melisa said. You and Katherine are BOTH class acts. The end.

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