For Bean

posted by Momo Fali on September 18, 2011

Roughly 11 years ago, my friend Bean and I found each other. The details of our early friendship are long and sordid and involve way more than anyone, other than the two of us, would find amusing. Just know that we had known each other for years, yet barely acknowledged one another, then one night, in the light of a full moon, we bonded over a single Zeppelin tune.

Okay, I don’t know if that moon thing is true, but the way we connected…my mind sees it that way And, the Zeppelin thing? Totally happened.

I was at a point in my life, with a young daughter, where I was looking for friends whom I truly respected and I felt like that about her. So, a few months later, I sat down to discuss being friends with her. I ASKED her to be my best friend like it was a business transaction. Weird, right? Only, it wasn’t. Nothing has ever been weird with us.

We used to talk. A lot. Every day, actually. We were pregnant for our sons at the same time…due just three weeks apart. And, when mine was born seven weeks early, she listened as I cried over what was happening to him. She heard me as I wept over not knowing what the future would bring. She comforted me, and when she couldn’t comfort me, she would just quietly BE THERE.

Her son was born nine weeks later with two collapsed lungs. Was I there for her? Not like she was for me. I had a nine week old, very sick baby. Did she understand? Of course she did. She has always understood.

She is always there for me. I love her a lot. Through every bit of the ups and downs of having a special-needs, medically-fragile child, she has been a rock.

Almost three weeks ago, her son came down with…something. Fever, vomiting, cramps and other symptoms that made it seem, at first, to be a run-of-the-mill virus. But, it didn’t go away. He kept getting worse.

A few nights ago, he was admitted to the hospital and we have come to find out that it’s not just a virus. This boy who was a typical, active, healthy nine year old just a few weeks ago, is now fighting a battle that no one saw coming. Just like that, my best friend has joined me in the ranks of being the parent of a child with medical problems.

And, now it’s my turn to be what she has always been. It’s my turn to hold her hand, and listen, and comfort her and quietly BE THERE.

I kind of hate her for giving me such big shoes to fill.

    Comments

  • Tara R.


    I am so sorry for your friend, but am glad she has such a good friend in you. I’ll keep good thoughts for her son and entire family.

  • Momo Fali


    Thank you, Tara. She’s a better friend than I will ever be. Your good thoughts are much appreciated.

  • BEAN


    I finally sit down to eat hospital taco salad, and now I’m crying in it. I love you too, Mo.

    • Momo Fali


      Mmmm…

  • BEAN


    And when you said “not like she was for me” about being there for me when he was born, I made a “what??” face. That truly made me realize how you can be there without being there — bc you were SO there then.

  • Melisa


    You know I’m thinking about Bean and Boy Bean (<—sorry. haha). Keeping all of my bendy parts crossed that he responds well to his treatments, whatever they are!

  • dysfunctional mom


    Sometimes we forget how fortunate we are.
    Praying for the best for Bean & her son, and I think you are a great friend.

  • michelle


    What an amazing tribute!

  • Colleen


    Sending out positive thoughts and prayers to Bean and her son.

    I love her comments about how you can “be there without being there”. Love.

  • Frelle


    This was so wonderful of you to share, hearing your history with Bean, and how interwoven the two of you are. I will be praying and sending vibes to Bean and her son and family, and to you. I’ve just recently been supporting a friend emotionally, via email and text and calls out of state, when I wished with everything I had that I could physically be there to support. Willing energy to go from my body to hers. Sharing the burden on her heart, aching for her, aching with her. I bet you and Bean both know what Im talking about. But the being there without being present? It matters. *HUG* to both of you.

  • Piper of Love


    I just love this.

  • Piper of Love


    and also, thoughts, prayers and hugs to Bean.

    you’re killing it at being an awesome friend. xo

  • Zak


    Kids shouldn’t be sick, it just isn’t right.

    Hugs and love and hope to your friend.

    (And to you too.)

  • Julia Roberts


    This? You’ve got, hands down.

    Best to Bean the Little Bean.

  • Sarah


    Strength and healing energy to you all – and especially to Bean’s boy. If I could change one thing in the world, kids would not get sick…ever. Unfairest of many unfairnesses the world has to offer. And here’s a toast to friendship – we’d all be lost without it.

  • Chibi Jeebs


    Love and prayers to all of you. <3

  • meleah rebeccah


    Oh sweety, my thoughts and prayers go out to your friend. I know you will be there for her, just like she was there for you. You are lucky to have each other.

  • mrsmouthy


    Oh…this warms and breaks my heart. Please keep us posted on her son; I’m definitely going to be thinking about them all.

  • Deb


    Sending up prayers for Bean & her son and family! Isn’t it great how we meet the people in our lives that we will need to understand us for so many reasons, and at so many stages in our lives. Bean & U have an amazing connection and you both can understsnd exactly how the other is feeling! U are there for her, so much more than you know! Hugs to you both!

  • kirsten


    Bless you both.

  • Shea


    Hugs to you all.

  • AlisonH


    Prayers for all and hugs for Beany Boy from here.

  • BEAN


    Thank you so much … All of you who I do not know, who are sending positive thoughts and/or prayers for my son. I’m grateful beyond words. As far as Mo … I’m grateful for her, too.

  • Trackbacks

  • Trackback from Child Whispering - Momo Fali's
    Thursday, 6 October, 2011

    […] last week, my friend Bean was talking about how amazing a mother’s intuition can be. She trusted her instincts and got […]

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