Random Realizations VI

posted by Momo Fali on September 27, 2011

1. If a friend wins a memory foam mattress on an adjustable base (think Craftmatic commercials without the elderly people) and GIVES it to you, you may think it’s so incredible that you insist that your friends and family sit on it when they come to visit.

2. Then you may take delight in putting the head AND the feet up to their highest point and watch your friends get smashed in the middle.

3. When you weigh more than you have since your last pregnancy and you just sprained your foot, then your husband says, “We’re starting 1/2 marathon training on Monday”, there may be an audible GULP as that news sinks in.

4. But, not as big as the gulp that was heard when you stood on the scale.

5. No matter how often you bathe your stinky dog, you can’t completely eliminate the stank.

6. And, no matter how often your nine year old son takes a shower, he will still have dirty feet.

7. There should be a 12 step program for House Hunters addicts. Mostly, so that people like me can stop yelling at the home buyers when they pick out the worst house. Never mind that cracked foundation! There’s a linen closet! Sold!

8. Don’t even get me started on House Hunters International, where your pantry has to share space with your stand-up shower and the stacked washer/dryer, and your youngest child…and her guinea pig. We can see the beach! Sold!

9. Sometimes clocks don’t display the correct time. This will make you late. You’re welcome.

10. Your husband may think he’s doing a good job of using clean language in front of your kids, but when your nine year old tells his therapist that he “can tie his shoes, but they look pretty jacked up”, it may be time to reconsider the words you are using as substitutes.

    Comments

  • lceel


    Nine year old boys are so much fun. We’ve had three – and LM (Love Muffin) currently provides daily care to an 11 and a 9 year old. It’s like deja vu all over again.

  • WebSavvyMom


    –>I’m addicted to House Hunters. My 4-year old even tries to guess which house at the end.

    Spoiler Alert:
    My boss told me her friend was on the show and the couple actually buys the house before it airs so they definitely know it’s theirs. See, Property Virgins to know that they don’t always get the house.

  • meleah rebeccah


    I am so addicted to HGTV and all of the House Hunter Glory! Why do they ALWAYS pick the worst house?

    And, I see NOTHING wrong with your nine year old using the word “Jacked Up” when describing his shoe-tying-abilities!

  • BusyDad


    I love number 10. Our sons are too similar. Fury has gotten into the habit of calling shoddy products, “cheap Chinese imitations.” Whoops.

    • UP


      Awesome…a xenophobe in the family! Wonder why?

      UP

      • Momo Fali


        Say what?

  • Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]


    My kids like to say, “What in the…?” and leave the last part out. My mom hates it more than she should.

  • Amie


    Thank you for adding a new blog entry…I was really tired of looking at that gross fungus.

    • Momo Fali


      Amie, I write posts just to read your comments.

  • UP


    Ditto to Amie, and “Jacked UP” is a great term, maybe the greatest in the English language!

    UP

  • tracey - justanothermommy


    A free bed?!? That is a TRUE friend.

    9 year old feet are ALWAYS dirty and a 12 year old boy ALWAYS has a slight tinge of b.o. It’s a proven fact.

  • Frelle


    I love the randomness, and all the little facts and bits of life in this post 🙂 Good luck with your training, and measure inch loss, toss that scale!

  • JC


    My wife won’t even go near memroy foam beacuse she doesn;t want to be reminded how big her ass is when she gets up…I’m all like, its cool, Sir Mix-a-lot loves you like that…and she’s all like “well what about you” and I’m like yeah i like big assess…WRONG COMMENT.

    Thank you forhte clock thing, I thought I was the only one who thunk it!

    Quite a funny read…keep it up.

  • lindajones


    I hate how everyone has half a million to spend on a weekend getaway home on Househunters International, WTF do they do? I have a cracked foundation and a leaky roof. first home.

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