Running Woman

posted by Momo Fali on October 12, 2011

Some of you may remember that one of the items on my Life List is to run a 1/2 marathon. I had wanted to run the one here next weekend, but it turns out that I got my dream job working for a company who kept me very busy during the summer months. Training for a 1/2 in August and September was out of the question.

Once things settled down at work, my husband announced that he would help me meet my goal. He looked right past the fact that I had been sitting for, virtually, months and hadn’t even thought about increasing my heart rate since the spring. He said that if we start now, I should be able to run a 1/2 marathon by May. I still have my doubts.

My suggestion for anyone who wants to get their body in motion after a long sabbatical? Insist that a friend or your spouse kick you out of the house and make you start running. Also, have them tell you that you’re doing great and that you’ll look better with a smaller butt. It needs to be a person to whom you can say that you simultaneously love and hate them for what they’re doing.

If you’re overweight and out of shape, like me, it won’t be easy, but you can do it! I have even put some tips together for you as you pound the pavement. If you are a gym rat, you can skip this section.

1. Running in the rain is great. It keeps you cool and the trail is virtually empty. The fewer people to see you huffing and puffing.

2. Never trust a fart.

3. If you look gross in compression pants, add shorts over them. Though, keep in mind, this will not stop the shorts from riding up and you’ll look gross anyway…maybe even more so, as you pull fabric from your nether regions.

4. If you tend to get winded, run with a dog. They have to poop sometimes and you’ll get a little break.

5. Take ibuprofen as soon as you get home.

6. Your running route should go past a fire station. There are defibrillators there.

7. Walk and catch your breath when there’s no one around. Sprint when you pass the soccer fields filled with hundreds of people.

8. Don’t let your inhaler prescription expire. Trust me.

9. Invest in good shoes. In the right size. If you wear an 11, admit you wear an 11 and that you are really an evil-stepsister and not Cinderella.

10. Look at pictures of your in-shape friends on Facebook before you head out for your run. Curse them with each step.

Keep it up, no matter what! With a little luck and a lot of work, you will be able to run a whole 8/10th of a mile, just like me!


  • Tara R.

    Excellent list, I particularly liked #6. I would add 11. invest in re-freezable, moldable ice packs that will fit around your aching knees and 12. heating pads with velcro straps to wrap around said knees too. Not that I’ve had to use either of those.

  • Goddess in Progress

    Amen, sister. I just ran (“ran”) my second real 5K. It was unbelievably slow, but dammit, I did it. I’m working up to a 5-mile race, and a half marathon is on my eventual list. I am very overweight, out of shape, and ridiculously slow. But I am training.

    I have two related mantras that I repeat over and over to myself as I plod along the sidewalk.
    1. No matter how slow you run, you’re lapping everyone on the couch.
    2. “It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you DO NOT STOP.” (I’m told it’s Confucius, but it’s possible the internet is lying to me.)

    Keep on trucking. I’m right there with you.

  • Colleen

    That is an AWESOME suggestion list.

    I wish you tons of luck preparing for your 1/2 in May!

  • A Morning Grouch

    Love the list. Running in the rain is great, running in the snow is even better. And definitely never, ever, trust a fart. Maybe running where there is a public restroom about 1/2 way wouldn’t be bad to add to the list.

  • B

    Congrats on renewing your commitment to the 1/2! I just did my first half last year and it’s a great feeling of accomplishment (even for those of us who have to walk a little!). As far as the bunchy shorts go, you might try (compression shorts + skirt, to hide the sight of me in compression shorts). Pricey but cute and comfy.

    Good luck!

  • Varda (SquashedMom)

    Good for you! OK. I’m inspired. I’m running again… As soon as my Mom gets out of the hospital. And we get past NY ComiCon. And the BlogHer Write conference is over. And we get through Halloween… Oh, wait, I’m making excuses again aren’t I? Ooops.

  • BEAN

    Great tips. But as far as #5 goes, make sure you got lots of hydration going on, protecting those kidneys from that ibuprofen. Ya dig? 😉

  • MaryD

    Tension, control, conviction.
    Number 6…haaaa.

  • Amy Mc

    Hey sis! I want to do this too. I just ran two 5K’s this year so my next goal is to do a half marathon next year. Let me know when it is and I will train also!

  • Heather C.

    I love it!!! Only because they are all true and I have learned them all the hard way!! Thanks as always for making my day!~H.

  • Wenderly

    Oh how I adore you Momo.

  • Robin

    I want to start running again too.

  • Justine

    Haaa! Sometimes you read a sentence that is so funny and so true, and you never would have thought to put it in such a way. “Never trust a fart” is perfect. Thanks for the snort-laugh.

  • Kim ~ Recipes To Run On

    Linking to this from a RT from ~ GREAT post! So much here I can relate to. 🙂

  • Jamie

    From someone who’s run forever, yay for you and I’m jealous. You have virgin knees. You r right — good shoes are the most important thing. And my running partner – my lab – has gotten in too good shape. He pulls me along. You’ll do it. No sweat.

  • UP

    Not to beat a dead horse, but the ‘never trust a fart’ line is EPIC!!


  • Heather

    my goal is to start running (i never have) in the spring after i hit my one year anniversary of surgery. i have always been jealous of people who could go running so i’m going to try!

  • Rima

    This is really funny. I mean, inspirational! You almost have me convinced that I, too, could become a runner!

  • MommyTime

    Good for you! I would love to have a training partner who would kick/lure me out the door and keep me motivated. Sadly, I do not. But I keep looking…

  • Irish American Mom

    This reminds me of the Erma Bombeck quotation:

    “The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.”

  • Kimberly at Rubber Chicken Madness

    Love your list. Especially #4.

    I was training for a 5K, then my knees got the best of me. Now I’m working on losing some poundage with my bike, then I’ll hit the training trail again.

    You can do it! (Hey, 8/10 of a mile is about 7/10 of a mile farther than I can run)

  • Rhea

    OMG, you are HILARIOUS. #2 and #4 had me laughing out loud. I even did a double-take on #2, like, “Did she really just say that?” haha

    You go girl! And kuddos to you for getting your dream job AND having such a supportive husband.

  • BusyDad

    Actually, when harnessed correctly, farts can serve as a turbo boost. I wish I just made that up to be witty.

  • Samantha

    I’ve recently decided to run a 1/2 in April and need all the motivation I can get. Love the list!

  • Trackbacks

  • Trackback from Momo Moments 2011 - Momo Fali's
    Monday, 26 December, 2011

    […] gave out running advice in October…you know, like “Never trust a fart” and I traveled to New York to […]

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