A Louse-y Thing to Do

posted by Momo Fali on December 20, 2011

Last Friday afternoon, I was told that five kids who share my daughter’s middle-school classroom had been infested with lice.

That night, my daughter was at a sleepover, my husband was on a fishing trip, my son was in bed and I started itching. I was sure I had lice and that my daughter was probably infesting her friend’s house.

It was midnight and I had no one around to look at my head. I have never had lice, nor have my children, so I didn’t really know what to do. Which is why I did what any sane, logical person would; I took my Ambien, poured half a bottle of apple cider vinegar on my head, covered it with a shower cap and a towel, then went to bed. See? Completely sane.

I woke up at 4:00am wondering how I had fallen asleep surrounded by apple cider vinegar stench. Thanks, Ambien! I showered, washed my hair a few times with the hottest water I could stand and dried it with the hottest setting on my dryer, then I changed my sheets.

Keep in mind, I had not seen a bug, a nit, a nothing. I’m proactive like that.

The next morning, I found out that my daughter was fine and I was without the slightest itch, so I declared myself a paranoid, lice-free woman. This whole scene? Is why I take Zoloft.

On Monday, when I was driving my son home after school, he told me that they had checked some kids for lice during the day, but he was upset they hadn’t checked him.

He said, “Mom, I don’t know why they didn’t check me! I wanted them to, but they told me to go back to my classroom!’

I looked at him in the rearview mirror. “That’s okay if they didn’t check you. I’m sure they only checked certain kids for a reason.”

Then I realized that I should have never explained why my bedroom reeked of vinegar on Saturday morning when he said,  “Well, they wouldn’t listen to me…I even told them that you have lice!”


  • ats

    OMG. Dying.

  • Tracy

    Itching just reading this. 🙂

  • Amanda

    I’m the same way! I was once convinced we had bedbugs in our house after staying at hotel and watching a news story about it. I steam cleaned the mattress!

  • Rhea


  • Paige from Ohio

    LOL…………too funny!Glad your all bug FREE!!!!
    Merry Xmas.

  • meleah rebeccah

    This is HILARIOUS!!

    “This whole scene? Is why I take Zoloft.”


    Oh wait, that reminds me…gotta fill MY script!

  • Amanda

    I swallow the ends of so many sentences.

    I loved this!

  • AlisonH

    Back a few years: four kids in three schools and round after round after round of the things. Best remedy: packing heads in Crisco or whatever version of it you can find these days and saran wrap on top: they breathe through their skeletons and this suffocates them.

    But we went through 90 pounds of laundry detergent powder. I kid you not. And my oldest was railing on her youngest brother for not being more careful at school

    Back to School night at the high school, and the French teacher is showing the lab where the high school kids (that would be my oldest) listened to native speakers.

    And do they check those headphones for lice, I asked. And explained why.

    The teacher looked stricken. That lab was taken off limits till they killed all the little buggers. Problem solved.

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