Men vs. Women in the Battle for Sleep

posted by Momo Fali on April 17, 2012


*wakes up, looks at clock, reads 4:00 AM*

I hope I can go back to sleep for a couple of hours. *stares at ceiling* Maybe I should just get up now and write a blog post. Or, I could work…yes, I should work, because I’ll be in Dayton for a writing workshop later this week and I’ll get behind because I’ll be off for a couple of days.

I feel so guilty that I’m missing my husband’s birthday because I’m going to be in Dayton. I wonder if it’s too late to cancel. Maybe we can celebrate his birthday tomorrow. I need to make a cake and get him a present. Oh, today is the dog’s birthday! I need to go to the store and get her some doggie ice cream. And, we need toilet paper. And, Zone bars.

But, I don’t have to do those things today. I do have to go to the post office and call two doctor’s offices and the health insurance company. Health. Sigh. I should get up and go to the gym right now. No, sleep is more important. I should sleep. Maybe I’ll lie on my side. Ouch, not on that side! Dang shoulder.

*snuggles up comfortably on other side* I’ll probably fall asleep and wake up in 20 minutes and have to pee. I should go pee now, but I’m so comfortable. Though, it’s a little warm under here. Am I sweating? I think I’m sweating. *throws blankets off* Well, I’m not comfortable anymore. I guess I’ll go pee.

*washes hands* Wow, my hands are dry. I could really use a manicure. And, a pedicure for that matter. But, we’re broke so I’ll have to do it myself. Yes, I’ll give myself a pedicure tonight. Oh, and wax my eyebrows. What am I going to wear in Dayton?

That reminds me, my daughter needs a costume for her school play next week. I love The Music Man. I can’t wait to see her singing, “Pick a little, talk a little, pick a little, talk a little, cheep, cheep, cheep…”

*looks at clock, reads 5:18 AM*

“Pick a little, talk a little…” Great. Well, at least it got rid of that Barney song that another mom was singing at my daughter’s softball game last night. Oh, there’s a double-header on Saturday and I won’t be here. I need to pack a bag for my husband so he’s not stranded at the ball field with a bored nine year old. And, warm clothes and umbrellas, because it’s supposed to rain. Oh, and snacks. I can’t forget to get those Zone bars…

My husband:



  • Melisa

    Been there, done that. 🙁

  • Liz

    Have we slept together? Sounds SO familiar.

  • Tara R.

    My menfolk could sleep through a hurricane. Me? The cat blinks in the room across the hall, with the door closed, and I wake up. Just ain’t fair.

  • Piper of Love

    YES, exactly. (more or less)

    and I’ll give you a manicure and pedicure anytime. I’m not very good at it, but whatever, come on over!

  • Jamie

    Perfect. 🙂

  • Vicki

    I’m right there with you sister. Sigh.

  • AliciaC

    Dang, this has been me too frequently the last week…

  • Deb

    Yeah, I get that!

  • meleah rebeccah

    Oh Momo, this is HILARIOUS because it’s sofa king true! My mind races like that all the time. And how/why is that can men just pass out so easily?

  • MARE from the Ballpark

    Ha~! So true! are husbands dead to the world when they sleep b/c they know our brains never shut down, so they can relax!?!?!

  • Carolyn

    That is awesome! It’s nice to hear I am not the only one

  • Canadian Dad

    Based on this description of the sleep roles, I am a woman!!! Maybe it’s a blogger thing? Yeah, that’s it, it’s a blogger thing because I am definitely not a woman, right?? Please tell me that I’ zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  • Caroline

    Mare is totally right! They sleep because they know someone is on watch. ALWAYS on watch. He also happily leaves his cell phone downstairs while I have mine on the bedside table every night. You know, in case someone needs us. Or we need someone.
    So don’t text me after 10:30 p.m. or I will kick your butt. Unless you need me. ’cause that’s why I have my phone next to the bed. Lord.

  • Susan

    Just last night hubby slept right through the half an hour of our 2.5 yr old was coughing and crying to be covered up (when she is perfectly capable of doing it herself). Finally when I get up she got her stubborn streak and said do it myself. He sleeps through the whole thing, by the way she is sleeping in our room because we are remodeling her room right now so she is only 2 feet from us when this is all going on.

  • Tara Adams

    Clearly, the EBWW is interfering with normal sleep–sending out signals that disrupt REM all over the country over for participants. I blogged on this situation this morning, only mine made me sound like I should be checked into a mental hospital. Yours is just funny. Very funny.

  • Carrie @ Bakeaholic Mama

    So true! Just now actually I have been up since 4 after getting up with the baby (which husband sleeps through screaming as well) My brain just keeps ticking so I can’t fall back to sleep… though he is still up there snoozing away. I think it is because he knows I will take care of the kids and wake him up before he is late for work!

  • Rachel Blaufeld

    story of my life – fevers, crying, burglar alarms, dogs barfing, carbon monoxide alarms, my tossing and turning, not sure if the kids need a packed lunch —> my husband sleeps through it all. Now a Monday Night Football Game is a different story – that HE stays awake for….

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