Hot Mess

posted by Momo Fali on July 6, 2012

Today marks one, full week since storms rolled through and took away my internet. I love my internet. I work online, all my friends and family are online and it’s what I do all day long. It’s kind of like when you eat cereal for breakfast, lunch and dinner for five years and then, suddenly, someone serves you soup. You’re all, “I can eat this, but it’s not going to be pleasant.” If I were 80 I would add, “This is really going to mess up my bowels.”

By the third day, you’re screaming for your Golden Grahams and when day seven rolls around, you would even settle for plain Cheerios, without sugar poured on top. That’s right. No gray, grainy spoonful of sweetness at the bottom of the bowl; just a big serving of whole grain O’s. But, NO! You’re still sucking down the salty, fake-chicken, soggy-noodle soup.

Of course, this analogy is awful, but you have time to think up good analogies AND really bad ones when you don’t have internet for a week. You also have time to look in the mirror and think, I wonder what is less attractive right now; my smudged eyeliner or the toothpaste I applied to the small, undetectable zits on my chin which the 95 degree weather turned into, what I now refer to as, my power-outage boils.

But that’s not all, because that soup you’ve been eating? It looks like you washed your hair with it. Except, not in a salt-water, ocean-kissed-wavy-locks way, but more of an I-just-washed-my-hair-with-chicken-noodle-soup way.

This is when I mention that you’re wearing the clothes that sat in the washer for two days because you forgot about them, and when you remembered, you had to hang them up to dry because THE DRYER NEEDS ELECTRICITY. So along with your toothpaste-covered chin boils and your chicken-noodle soup hair, you are wearing a wrinkled t-shirt with a slight aroma of must. Not, musk. Must. Big difference.

I kid you not that I saw a guy standing in his front yard, giving himself a baby-powder bath. I’m pretty sure his clothes had been in the washer for three days.

But, my electricity is back and once I get these boils under control, the only thing I want more is my internet. My sweet, sweet internet. Without it, I wouldn’t know how cute tealights look inside of mason jars, or if the power had been out too long to save the mayonnaise, or that you can tame your pimples with toothpaste (also, crushed up baby aspirin mixed with water…just sayin’).

The air conditioning sure is nice and having to hurl small children out of the way to get to the last bag of ice isn’t the most honorable thing I’ve ever done, but I can deal without electricity. Sure, it’s because our neighbors have a generator, but still…

All I know is that the internet needs to come back to me soon, because I am already a hot mess. Obviously.

    Comments

  • Anna Hettick


    LOL!! Your posts never fail to make me laugh!! So sorry you’be been without internet!! I don’t know what I’d do with out it either. Hope you guys get your electricity back on soon!! =)

  • Rachel (Hounds in the Kitchen)


    I feel your pain. And soup would be just awful in this heat.

  • Anne (@notasupermom)


    I’ve lost electricity before for a long time during the summer and during the winter.

    Summer was much worse.

    I told my husband if we had another long-term blackout, we’d load up a car and drive to the nearest place where hotels had electricity. I’m not diapering another baby in tea towels again.

  • Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing]


    My heart bleeds tears for you.

  • Kim


    Omg, I needed to laugh today and this line made me spit out my diet coke:

    I wonder what is less attractive right now; my smudged eyeliner or the toothpaste I applied to the small, undetectable zits on my chin which the 95 degree weather turned into, what I now refer to as, my power-outage boils.

    Gracias and I hope your day gets better.

  • Vicki


    You are so friggin’ funny! Really!!

  • Ang


    I apologize for snorting and cackling about your power-outage boils and the neighbor bathing in baby powder, but you’re killin’ me chic! Oh man…my sides hurt!

  • Lisa


    Hurricane last year-we went without power for 5 days! Ugh! I try not to take things for granted, but I’m used to my comforts. 🙂

  • dysfunctional mom


    I think its highly unfair to have zits and wrinkles on the same face. And I do. ALL THE TIME.
    Hope your interwebz are fixed soon!

  • Rachel Blaufeld, the Back'nGrooveMom


    I would rather lose a limb than internet….just kidding. well…
    I have lost the internets for a few days before, and it is like a panic attack that never ends.
    my neighbor was busy figuring out what to do with all the meat in her freezer and I was just standing around bitching about the internets.

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