Me, lying in bed after looking at the clock: Ahhh, I have one more hour of glorious sleep. Thank goodness!
Daughter: “Mom, they only give scholarship recommendations to four students.”
Me: “So, did you ask for one?”
Daughter: “Yeah, I was the fifth.”
Me to daughter: “You really should continue with drama in high school. It’s a good extra-cirricular activity. Sit down with me and watch the Oscars.”
Seth MacFarlane: “We saw your boobs!”
Principal, while lecturing my son on his behavior as she taps her skull with her index finger: “This is what you need to do before you act out. What am I doing right now?”
Son: “Poking yourself in the head.”