I’m Not Sure I’ll Make it to Friday

posted by Momo Fali on April 17, 2013

Sometimes when you have so much to say, you find it difficult to say anything at all. That’s where I find myself right now.

I can’t comment on the events in Boston. I still can’t even talk about Sandy Hook. I’m tense every time I let my daughter go to the movies, or drop my kids off at school, or get on an airplane, or now…stand on the sideline of a foot race. These events make a person with anxiety want to stock up on plastic, duct tape, and canned goods and never leave their house again.

I can’t talk about my son right now either; at least not without crying. As if he hasn’t had enough challenges with his body, now we are dealing with challenges of the mind. He gets his OCD and anxiety from me, but he gets his defiance from his dad. Hi, honey! The difference is that my husband is only defiant with me and my son is defiant with authority.

Right now we are lost, floundering in waiting lists, county funding, new doctors, and a teaching staff who has completely lost their patience. I’m sad. I’m angry and hurt by the entire situation. And, I’ve been let down on so many levels and honestly, I don’t feel that I can bear that any more. I wish I could go back in time and put my advocating and fundraising to use elsewhere. Though, let’s be honest, if I had a time-machine I would first go to 1988 and get my skinny body back.

Tonight, I sat here sobbing for the sixth hour straight, with a throbbing headache, wondering why God has chosen this path for me. This week has been heartbreaking.

And that’s when, on cue, the toilet upstairs started overflowing and leaked right through the kitchen ceiling. Because nothing quite says, “Up yours! This week isn’t over yet!” like john water in your fruit basket.

 

    Comments

  • jennyonthespot


    Prayers. Much love. A big hug. A BIG hug…

  • vicki


    Your humor in the throes of sadness and anxiety is an inspiration. Truly. Hugs Diane.

  • Carter


    Does a hug from Florida help? If so, consider it done …

  • Jenn


    Sending you love and hugs and prayers. Also a shoulder to cry on if you need one. You are loved by so many people. Just know no matter how hard it is or how much you hurt, you are not alone. ((hugs))

  • Jenny


    just sending you love. honestly, maybe this is the week to buy a lottery ticket?

  • Melisa


    Dang it. Sending more hugs. I’ll check in tomorrow. Love you.

  • Headless Mom


    Oh.my.gosh.

    EFF this week already. You need the weekend BAD.

    Much hugs and love to you Momo.

  • Christina


    Oh hon, this week needs to just go away already.

    Big hugs and love to you. Please give me a call if I can help with anything. Or meet for lunch to forget about it all for a little bit.

  • Liz


    Sending along some more virtual hugs and an extra helping of good juju…dammit <3

  • Amanda


    I wish I could wrap you up in the time beyond now, just wash this all away with an easier normal.

    I am so sorry. Sending hope for better, gentler days.

  • Mama D


    Oh, I am so sorry to hear this. Hang in there. So many of us have been in similar places and wish you well…

  • Chrisor


    I’m so sorry, Momo. I hate that life is so hard for you now. I’m glad you were able to write & let us know what you’re dealing with. If I could give you hope & strength, I would. Thinking of you & knowing things won’t always look this bleak. Things will improve for you & your family, believe it!

  • Laura in Little Rock


    Um, at least this isn’t happening in the winter when the crappy weather and lack of sunlight could join the band…?

    Yeah. I can’t come up with anything better. I’m sorry, sincerely. I also glad my kitchen is upstairs and the kids bathrooms are downstairs.

  • Toni


    I love you. XO

  • Shannon


    I’m so sorry your having a “John water in your fruit basket” kind of week. I wish I could do something to help. You’ve got a lot of love and positive energy coming your way.

  • Arnebya


    I hate that there is toilet water in your fruit. And I hate when things seem to happen all at once. I know your strength; I believe in you. You will make it to Friday. Saturday and Sunday and Monday and beyond too. And sure maybe you’ll be moving slowly, but as long as you keep moving…

  • Rachel


    I just had one of these weeks about two weeks ago. I thought if one more negative thing got added to my plate that I was going to crumble in a million pieces. I really felt that I was at my absolute low. I did a lot of praying & a lot of sleeping to get through that awful time. Prayer is a powerful thing. Sometimes it just takes a while before you realize it is truly working. Hang in there!! (Easy for me to say now, huh!?) LOL. “If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31

  • Leigh


    I am so sorry that you’re having one of those seasons where everything just keeps spiraling down. It’s hard not to feel like you’re being pranked or toyed with when the bad things roll in one right after the other. I hope you can find the strength you need to deal with each thing, one hour at a time.

    In the meantime, I am stealing “john water in my fruit basket” as my new favorite phrase! It sums up so much of life.

  • Michele


    Hugs!! <3 Sometimes life can just be too much. We are going through similar things, both with kids and I got to wake up to the roof leaking from all the rain here in the kitchen. You are not alone 😉
    -Michele

  • tara


    I’m so sorry Momo. Just last night I was thinking that I didn’t ever want to go outside again. I cheered on people at the LA race a few weeks ago and never once thought I would be in danger, as I’m sure the people of Boston thought as well.

    It will be okay. Everything will settle down and work itself out. And we are all here for you in the meantime.

  • Mare


    Oh my, I’m so sorry for your heartaches. Life just sucks as times. And we do often feel like we just can’t take anymore. I’m praying you can find peace in spite of circumstances. Nothing this week has surprised God. He is still in control, and cares for you and your sweet boy. If it makes you feel better, we had a leak in our upstairs tub recently that went through the garage ceiling. Tub had to come out, tile, wallboard. it’s a mess. it’s dragged on for 2 weeks. I keep telling myself, it’s just a house. In eternity, it won’t matter.
    God bless you and your family.
    from The Dugout

  • Angella


    Big hugs, lady.

  • sadia


    I love you, and am inspired by you. Have been for years.

  • Amie


    It’s Friday. Based on the fact that I’ve seen you on Facebook today, I am assuming you made it. So, there’s that.

  • Loukia


    Thinking of you… strength and love. xoxo

  • Meg


    I read your blog to smile, to learn, to remember that I’m not alone in parenting joy …and drama. Keep your head above the water and remember that you are not alone. Sending positive energy your way!

  • Rogier


    I don’t know you and you don’t know me. I occasionaly read your blog, and therefore all I wanted to say is:

    “Tough times don’t last, tough people do”

    Good luck toughing it out.

  • Sara


    Prayers for you and your family….really, I’m praying for you right after I hit send.

  • meleah rebeccah


    Oh, sweetheart. I am sending you ALL of my love and a million hugs.

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