My husband is having a stressful week. I think he’s over-analyzing a situation and has nothing to worry about, and he thinks I’m glib and annoying. Toe-MAY-toe, toe-MAH-toe.

The problem is that when you’ve been with someone for 18 years (our relationship is officially an adult!) their pain becomes your pain; it’s like you’re stressed-out by proxy, but in our case my husband is feeling queasy and I am eating all the guacamole.

I have some experience with this anxiety stuff. Just ask my fingernails, my waistline, and my bar bill. What I don’t have experience with is someone I love going through it. I talk to strangers all day long for a living, but I have no idea what to say to my soul-mate other than, “Pass the chips.”

What I cling to is knowing that the most horrible, poop-inducing, anxiety-ridden moments of my life resulted in something great. Two premature births, all of my son’s surgeries, and speaking at a keynote in front of roughly 4,000 people stand out in my mind, but they were all necessary and wonderful in the grand scheme of things.


Shaking Like a Leaf at the Voices of the Year Community Keynote, BlogHer ’11

These events have taught me one very important lesson; good stuff happens to those who don’t die of dehydration from their nervous poops. So, see? I am not glib. I put forethought into donning my rose-colored glasses.

Even if my husband wants nothing more than to rip them off my face and throw them into the street.


  • Liz

    I have been dubbed “a worrier” and it’s true, especially when things (like, all of them) seems to be going wrong (FUBAR!) and I really do want to try and fix all the things.

    I feel ya’, we’re going to need more guacamole.

  • Melisa

    It’s so hard to watch the ones you love struggle. Hope things look up for him very soon. Pass the chips! XOXO

  • Stefanie

    My husband is weirdly optimistic when things are bad and I always struggle with whether I should go along with it or if I should be the one to try to bring him around.

    His mom died a few years ago. She had a surgery for her cancer and it didn’t go well. The doctors said she probably had a few days left. But my husband acted confident that she would pull through. He kept saying how he believed that she would be fine.

    She clearly wasn’t going to be fine, but as his spouse, I didn’t want to be negative.

    Being married is hard.

    • Momo Fali


  • tara

    It’s so hard to be on that side of a tipping canoe (totally just made that up, please just go with it). I know that I have times when I’m freaking out and my husband is all calm, but then the times when HE’S freaking out, I’m like whoa what is your deal, calm the eff down.

    And maybe pass the chips.

  • Kim

    I feel your pain! While you’re digging into that bowl of guac, might I suggest an icy cold margarita on the side?!

  • Kablooey

    My guy says “don’t bleed before you’re cut” when I get too deep into the over thinking, prophylactic worrying mode. Try that? Or just stand close — herd instinct. And maybe you should pass the chips instead of asking for ’em.

  • Melisa

    Back to say hello *waving* because BLOGHER.

  • meleah rebeccah

    It’s very upsetting to watch your loved ones struggle and not knowing what to say or do to help them.

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