First Steps

posted by Momo Fali on July 8, 2013

I remember when my husband jumped out of a plane. His mission was to make it to the ground alive and given that he was going to hurl himself through the sky to get there, I didn’t think his goal too lofty.

When he landed, he claimed to have loved the adventure and said that seeing the earth while falling through its atmosphere made him reach a level of consciousness he had never before attained; a level I like to call, “cray-cray”.

I was three months pregnant with our first child and I thought he had lost his mind; thank goodness he had enough sense to have a parachute and an instructor strapped to his back.  Honestly, I probably would have jumped right after him if it had been a year earlier, but there was something about the life-changing event called, “impending motherhood” that had me sure my risk-taking days were over. I’m happy to tell you I was wrong about that.

It took me a few married-with-children years to feel comfortable sticking my neck out though. Maybe it was because we had two premature babies and life itself had become a perilous journey.  I wasn’t wrapped up in making sure my kids would grow to be happy, healthy and well-adjusted, but that they would make it to the next day, or the next hour. Sometimes with my son, I had to focus on getting him to the next minute; rare heart defects will do that to you.

Once we started a family I was no longer the only person in the equation and having two sick kids who depended on my every move turned me into someone who never took chances. Seriously, I wouldn’t even change my hair color.

But, the thing about not taking chances means that you miss out on a lot. You can’t gain life experiences by staying inside your comfort zone, and I spent most of my 30s trying to create a cocoon so cozy that it may as well have been a pair of footie pajamas.

A few years ago I shook off those PJs when I took a leap from a job as a school cook to a self-taught job in social media. I let go of everything to which I had held tight, took leave of familiarity and started a whole new career.

It was scary, and uncertain, and also fantastic, invigorating and one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I would still be working in that hot kitchen if I hadn’t put myself out there, willing to be disappointed by the reaction my forwardness might generate.

I’m not advising willy-nilly. I’m saying that it’s possible to make calculated advances to meet your goals. Sure, that doesn’t sound like much of a gamble, but you can’t move forward without first taking a step. For a lot of people, including me and my husband, that first one was a doozy!

Not every chance you take will pay off, but when you let yourself be vulnerable and open to change, it’s possible that you might find exactly what you were looking for, even if you didn’t realize you were searching.

    Comments

  • Kimberly


    Amen, Sister!

    Life is full of first steps in new directions 🙂

    Might as well take that chance.

  • Junk Drawer Kathy


    Beautiful post, Momo. So inspiring, you! (Says the scaredy pants).

  • Kathleen


    Amen to that! As a single mom (widowed) with a young boy, I thought my days of chasing dreams and adventure were over. But you are right. With a lot of thought, preparation and drive, you can still jump. Once I realized that most of the things we consider to be stable are all really perilous, it helped make the transition in thinking much easier.

  • Melisa


    YES. THAT.

    Perfect. xoxo

  • Arnebya


    I’m searching. I know it. I hope that when I find it I am brave like you, enough to leave my example of a hot kitchen, jump out of my example of a moving plane. I hope. Either way, I’m proud of you for that first step.

  • Sadia


    My husband leaving me was the push out of the airplane door I needed. Life is so much brighter this side of divorce, and I’m finding myself dreaming all sorts of dreams, although paying the bills is the winner for the moment.

    P.S. Has it really been YEARS that you’ve been at Blogher. Didn’t you start, like, Friday? Am I getting really old?

  • AlisonH


    I have dear, dear friends who, when he first started wanting to date her, felt he had to impress this cool chick he felt was way out of his league. (They’re actually a very good match.) So he invited her to skydiving lessons.

    They jumped two or three times–and then got word that their instructor had just died because his chute had malfunctioned.

    At that point Mike decided he didn’t have to impress Lisa any more and they simply got on with life. And got married, raised/are raising kids, and are living happily ever after.

  • meleah rebeccah


    Thank you for this post. It’s just what I needed to hear.

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