Keeping it Real

posted by Momo Fali on September 9, 2013

I read this post today and I feel the need to tell Heather that she is not alone in her imperfection and that her flaws are what make her human. We are not just our Facebook photos or Pinterest boards. We are real people with real issues. I could write a series of blog posts on medical bills alone. Also, zits at 42. I could tell you all about that.

So for Heather, I’m sharing some of my recent non-spectacular moments:

  • I yelled at my kids today – like loud enough that the neighbors could hear. It was the result of two hours in the car, their constant bickering, 5:30pm traffic, and a stinkbug.
  •  I gave myself a manicure while on Ambien. Again. It wasn’t pretty.
  • There is a package of toilet paper sitting on my dresser. My dresser is not near any of the toilets.
  • My kids eat mac & cheese from a box at least once a week.
  • I suffer from pretty awful anxiety and insomnia. I grind my teeth, I pick my cuticles, I constantly shake my legs, and as soon as I get up in the morning I start thinking about how much I want it to be nighttime so I can go back to bed. Life is hard. But, it could always be harder and if I didn’t laugh about the crazy circumstances I wouldn’t be able to function.
  • Sometimes I get wedgies.
  • My son loves his new school, but he’s been punched twice and pushed to the ground by a high-school kid and it scares me, because I don’t want to have to hurt any children.
  • This is a conversation I had with my son today:

Me: You can NOT send your status updates from the “Pocket Frogs” app to my Twitter account. I’ve told you that before and if you do it again, you will never, ever get to play another game on the iPad. Understood?

Him: Never? But, what if you’re dead?

pocket frogs

check it out? I can’t even pronounce it.

  • This is a conversation my son had with his County Developmental Disability Coordinator when she asked him (kind of ridiculous, but mandatory) questions about his self-care:

Coordinator: Do you shave yet?

Him: No, but I have a little mustache. And, I have a very, very hairy back.

  • I ran three miles today and I had to stop ten times.
  • I prefer to show people that I’m flawed, because then I can exceed their expectations. Sometimes. My house can never exceed expectations because it smells like burnt coffee and dog feet.

Now it’s your turn. Tell me something real.

    Comments

  • Melisa


    You ALWAYS exceed my expectations. Well, except sometimes when you call me but other than that, ALWAYS.

    1.Wedgies: me too.
    2. I have enough hairballs/dog fur in my house right now to cover a dog the size of LucyDaisy. Maybe two of her.
    3. I almost never make my bed because I’m just going to sleep in it again later.
    4. The amount of produce we buy and don’t eat (and end up cleaning up its wet, disgusting residue from the bottom of the refrigerator) is embarrassing.

    I have more. I’ll get back to you. xo

    (Also, if I tried to run three miles I would have to stop at least 25 times. Don’t be downin.)

  • Momo Fali


    Oh, my bed is never made either! Much to my mother’s dismay. And, dog hair? Yeah, that. (In my sore-legged, haggard-breathing defense, I only stopped for a few seconds at a time and it was 90 degrees. So, see? NOT DOWNIN’.)

    • Melisa


      Good girl.

  • Kari


    I just had three mini donuts.
    At 7 pm.
    Ok.
    Four mini donuts.
    I love this so much.
    ANXIETY RIDDEN FEMALES UNITE.

  • Rebecca {foodie with family}


    Well… my momma was a church organist/pianist at the age of 16. She has told me my entire life, “I was always so glad when I screwed up, because then I didn’t have to worry whether I would anymore.” Messing up? Girl, that’s part of the bargain of breathing. We’re all here to show grace to each other. You’re awesome.

    …Keep on keepin’ on.

  • Toni


    I went through a horrible “divorce” for very bad reasons after being in a relationship for 13 years in January and can’t seem to get ME back.
    House of cards only has a card or two still upright. The whole spectrum of what can go wrong in life as a 50 something IS happening, financial, physical..you name it.
    BUT the #1 thing that is bothering me is that I know I have so very very much to be grateful for but I can’t seem to summon up any gratitude, and that’s not who I AM, or who I used to be.
    But you (and Adam) still make me smile Momo…Thank you! XO

    • Momo


      Toni, you are so good at making plans for everyone else – it’s time you made some plans for yourself.

      And, if it makes you feel any better, even in the slightest, you gave my family a gift so wonderful that I think about it every day.

  • Shannon


    I just finished the entire Weeds series on Netflix in a shamefully short amount of time. Netflix is like crack. I. Must. Stop.
    And my sheets go way too long between washings.
    And I can belch like a horse. Do horses belch?
    Your son’s brutal honesty and frankness is very refreshing. Maybe not always for you, but it is for me.

    • Momo


      My mom said the same thing the other day – that she loves to have him over because she loves his honesty and she knows he isn’t trying to take advantage of her. I like it, because you always know where you stand…or how you look.

  • Mare


    I’m so with you on the bed thing. Why make it, when you just get back into it? I ALWAYS have dishes in my sink. I dust once year. If that. I’m writing a great book that I fear the world will never see. I’m thinking of not dyeing my hair anymore when I turn 60. I want to have the courage to stick to this. Sometimes, I long for heaven. Life gets too stressful at times. I really want the people on LOST to be real. They’re still in my head, even though the show was cancelled.

  • Alexandra


    I eat carbs all day long to the point that my stomach becomes so bloated I have to walk around the house with my pants unbuttoned from the bulbousness.

    xo

  • Blondie


    I feel like we are twins except for the mom part. For reals.

  • Sarah M.


    My son was in a birth-to-three program through the county and he is aging out. His case manager asked the litany of questions that they are required to ask and when she got to the one about my son undressing himself I said, “Actually, I haven’t taught him that one yet because I don’t want him to take off his diapers and smear poop on the walls.”

    Lucky for me she totally got my logic and there wasn’t any judging. We’ll work on taking off clothes when we potty train.

  • Jenna


    I’m so glad we’re talking about wedgies. We don’t talk about them enough.

  • Liz


    I just sneezed and forgot to clench, enough said.

  • meleah rebeccah


    “My son loves his new school, but he’s been punched twice and pushed to the ground by a high-school kid and it scares me, because I don’t want to have to hurt any children.”

    Um… What? OMG. NO. That’s terrible!!!

    “I prefer to show people that I’m flawed, because then I can exceed their expectations.”

    Ditto!

  • meeshie


    I can’t walk into a costco without buying more than will fit in my pantry. Thus I have pantry overflow against one whole wall in my livingroom.

    When I’m stressed and exhausted I tend to take it out on my husband.

    I ate a huge brownie covered in cheesecake for breakfast. *hangs head in shame*

  • Amie


    I can’t remember if I brushed my teeth this morning.

  • Arnebya


    There are so many piles of clothes on my bedroom floor that I step ON the clothes when I walk. Sometimes I kick them away.
    I didn’t shower today. I’m at work like I showered today. Did I shower yesterday? I can’t remember.
    I stopped drinking. And then started again.
    I consider stealing something every time I’m in Target. Every time. Small undetectable stuff. You know, like an e-reader case. WHAT?
    My daughter called another girl a loser and said she had yellow teeth via text. She’s 10.
    I keep saying I’m going to stop drinking Pepsi and then I buy a Pepsi. I just bought a Pepsi. And I’ma drink it. But tomorrow I’ll stop. Except I won’t.
    I fart. A lot. While doing everything: sitting, running, standing. And I will fart anywhere. No place is safe. And I’ll look at you like you stinky asshole, why’d you just fart in public like that?
    Asparagus pee smell fascinates rather than disgusts me.
    My husband is probably going to divorceme if I don’t hump him soon. Soon.

  • Lisa


    The Ambien manicure made me laugh!

    I also suffer from pretty bad anxiety and grind my teeth. Life is hard and I think it’s hard for all of us. I’m always surprised when I meet people who tell me how hard things really are for them. I would have never expected it.

  • Issa


    I switched my sleep meds last night and today I feel hung over. I should care more about that, but hey I slept, so hopefully I’ll get used to it soon.

    I’m addicted to some stupid fruit farm game on Facebook. It’s like candy crush, just with fruit.

    I’ve watched three full seasons of Bones in ten days. Netflix is evil. BUT I CAN’T seem to quit it.

    I’m seriously trying to figure out how to move to the mountains, even though I know I’ll have to leave two of my kids with their dad (for the school year, I’ll get holidays/summer) and only take my nine year old.

  • Jennifer


    I loved the original post and was inspired. Although mine went in a completely real and not funny direction. http://www.memyselfandjen.com/life-and-kids/keeping-real/

    And I’d like pictures of this Ambien manicure. Sounds interesting :-)

  • Heather


    I simply love this! We might be sisters from another mister or however that saying goes. When I originally wrote that post it was sure that people where going to read it and it would only confirm their suspicions that I was a lunatic. The response has been so overwhelming and I’m so glad to hear that you connected with it.

    I once SCREEMED at my then 8 year old son to “stop acting like a child!” at which point, through sobs and tears he said “I am a child.” Oh, the guilt.

    And my children have had knock down, drag out fights over who would get my iphone if I died in the next few months.

    Thanks for keeping it real and for encouraging others to do the same!

  • AnneG


    My husband had to talk me into a large Blizzard at DQ because really all I wanted was a cone. Blizzards were B1G1 for 99 cents and he said eat what you can and put the rest in the freezer and he’d finish it off later. And dang, I ate the whole thing! Additionally, I have to keep pulling up the waistband of my pants because it keeps rolling down under my fat roll. And the finale is that I was really busy at work today, and I ended up with a small brown streak in my underpants. I hope that doesn’t gross you out.

  • Gerri


    OMG! You’ve all made me laugh out loud at work! Probably shouldn’t be reading this now, but glad I did.

  • Korinthia Klein


    I let my daughter go ahead and bite her nails because I don’t feel like clipping them

  • AlisonH


    I forgot to pick up my daughter from track after school when she was in high school. Not once, twice. (School was in walking distance of my hubby’s job, so it wasn’t that big a deal, but the forgetting was.)

  • Zak


    OMG, that frog tweet is the best. (only since it happened to you)

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