Posts Filed Under Family Life

Tips from Momo: To All the Single Ladies

posted by Momo Fali on April 21, 2015

It’s not like me to brag (oh, who am I kidding), but over the past eight months I’ve learned a lot about myself and I’ve learned a lot of things that may benefit you too.

I’m here to share the knowledge I’ve gleaned from this broken life of mine in case you suddenly find yourself in a crumpled heap in the middle of a grocery store aisle. Hypothetically. Don’t ever say I never gave you anything.

1. Get some exercise. One of the first things I did after my husband said he wanted a divorce was register for a half marathon. It gave me a goal and a purpose when everything else was falling apart and it kept me busy and active at times I would’ve otherwise been alone. Plus, my hamstrings are totally happening right now.

2. Surround yourself with the kinds of friends you can call any time and say, “Can I just come over and sit at your kitchen table for awhile?” And, then when you do, they’ll teach your kid how to create massive slingshots out of rubber-bands.

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3. Surround yourself with old friends who knew you when your bangs were as big as the 80s. You’ll not only laugh about those times, but you will create new memories easily and comfortably. Anything that makes you feel safe and happy is good right now. Embrace it. Thank you, Facebook for making sure we all don’t lose touch. Now, fix your Newsfeed.

4. Let your kids decorate their rooms in their new space however they want. Though, I did draw the line at a keg. Bonus if the wall of photos includes an image of Justin Timberlake upon which you can gaze while you’re running the sweeper.

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5. Buy yourself things that make you smile. No, you don’t have the money right now, but you also don’t have a lot of sanity so it only makes sense. Right? Wait.

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6. Do fun things with your kids as often as possible. Because, duh.

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Indoor rock climbing. Who needs fingernails, anyway?

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This picture sums up so much about our personalities. SO. MUCH.

7. Don’t buy cheap trash bags. Sure you’re trying to save money, but when you end up using two bags because the first one ALWAYS breaks, it doesn’t save you as much as you’d think. Also, let’s look at this picture and see how it relates to #5; beer, watermelon, Ramen noodles, chocolate and Target. Enough said.

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8. Park in the carport even if NO ONE ELSE does. When all your neighbors are driving piles of rust, you’ll thank me. Also, you might have to park in the carport because everyone takes your spot in front of your apartment because NO ONE parks in the carport.

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9. Get dressed up. Fix your hair. Put on makeup. OR, put on jeans and Converse and throw your hair in a pony tail. Whatever makes YOU feel good. But, get out of your yoga pants unless you’re going to yoga.

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10. Read. A lot. Read books, newspapers, magazines, or even old emails from friends. I’ve read books on psychology, law, co-parenting, relationships and a good old-fashioned novel or two. Daily, I read a lot of blog posts and messages from a support group to which I belong full of women in all different stages of this process. Educate yourself. It’s powerful.

11. Don’t name-call. I wish I could say I’ve stuck to this, but I haven’t. There is nothing harder than trying to control your emotions when they are filled with hurt and sometimes anger just flows out. I mean, like a river. Probably the Amazon. Anger is so EASY, but try not to take the easy way out. It just makes everybody feel bad.

12. Hang in there. Life on the other side is different, but you can be happy again. I promise.

13. Try not to smack people who promise you’ll be happy again. They mean well. And, they’re actually right.

Neon Light

posted by Momo Fali on March 31, 2015

For months, in a tiny space where my children didn’t fill my heart, there was aching darkness. Even though it didn’t need much room to exist, the hole felt gaping, like a giant, black pit. You could’ve thrown a Chevy in there and it wouldn’t have touched either side.

Now that pit feels about the size of…well, a pit. Not even a big, lumpy peach pit either, but one of those little ones inside a cherry. And, not only is the pit tiny, I’m taking the cherries and making cherry pie, à la mode.

I never anticipated my life, or the lives of my children, to turn out like this, and that still makes me sad. But, we will be okay. I know that now and I didn’t know that for a long, long time. I’m finding meaning in the pain and that’s healing me. We are finding normal, we are happy, and we are learning and growing in ways we didn’t know possible.

That growth is a beautiful thing. I am enjoying new things and appreciating new experiences and I’m no longer judged for it. I might find that I suddenly want to decorate my house with neon lights, and I CAN.

neon lightphoto credit: 171 via photopin (license)

I’ve had four friends in the last 24 hours tell me they were suicidal while going through divorce and I could understand that pain. It’s the absolute worst thing I’ve ever dealt with in my life and it hurts like nothing I’ve ever known. I remember people telling me it gets better and I wanted to scream at them and say, “Shut up! You DON’T KNOW! I’m DYING INSIDE!” Now I get it. It does get better. I can honestly say that I’m happy. I feel a little guilty saying it, but it’s true.

There is nothing – absolutely nothing – you can say to someone going through this to make them think you understand or that they are going to be okay. Nothing. Hold them, hug them, sit with them, love them, but don’t tell them it will get better. They have to trudge through the darkness until they see the light for themselves.

They may not think they’ll ever see it, but I am proof it is there.

Netflix New Year

posted by Momo Fali on December 31, 2014

This post is sponsored as part of my participation in the Netflix Stream Team.

Don’t tell 2015, but we rang in the New Year a little early.

Last night, we ate good food, hung streamers and balloons and brought out party hats and noise-makers; half the reason was to celebrate my daughter’s birthday, half was to enjoy the new, original Netflix series, All Hail King Julien and the other half was to send 2014 out with a bang. Hey, when we throw a party we give it 150%.

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After cake and ice cream, Pa and I nestled all snug in our bed, while the kids stayed up singing Move It, Move It! and watching Netflix until 5:00am. FIVE. A. M. Which, ironically, is when I got up for the day.

So, tonight our ball is dropping early thanks to King Julien and his kid-sized countdown special. (Hey, he caused this lack of sleep – it’s only right that he fix it!) You can start streaming the kid-sized countdown at any time of day and ring in the New Year without staying up until midnight. That word you’re looking for? Genius.

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You won’t have as much mess to clean up and you’ll have plenty of energy for a series-long Friends marathon which starts streaming on Netflix tomorrow! Could I BE any more excited?

Happy New Year, everyone! If you need me, I’ll be on Netflix.

Christmas Crafts

posted by Momo Fali on December 22, 2014

In the midst of shopping, wrapping, singing and snacking, our family has been hit with the flu. My 15-year old daughter missed her first day of school in years, I got a bonus bronchial infection and my 12-year old, autistic son felt so bad that he actually allowed a nurse to swab his nose without a fight. My husband? Well, his cheeks turned rosy, he sneezed twice, took a nap and was all better.

I am increasingly anxious, because I haven’t been to the gym or gone for a run in six days and my daughter is so bored she actually started cleaning the bathrooms without being asked. My son is anxious AND bored and walks around moping a lot asking, “What can I doooooooooo?”

Since he is especially pathetic when he’s sick, I do my best to keep his mind off of it so we don’t get sucked into his tears and start handing him Christmas presents early. Video games and movies aren’t great options because the more he lies around, the more weak and mopey he gets. So, like any good mom, I brought out the crafts.

But, unlike a good mom, I couldn’t remember how to cut a snowflake.

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Thankfully, he likes spiders.