I have been known to make notoriously ugly birthday cakes. They are made with love and they usually taste okay, but that’s as far as I can stretch it.
There was the time I made my husband, what has been dubbed, the diarrhea cake. Not because of the texture, but rather the icing I so lovingly concocted with food coloring. Did you know that blue and green make brown?
And, then there’s this. Quite possibly the most hideous cake ever. What you can’t see is my son’s name, which I removed with Microsoft Paint (widely known as Photoshop for poor people). All you need to know is that the “M” in his name looked remarkably like an “N”.
What you can see? The crooked “2” in every corner, the thick letters in “Happy”, which ends in a whacked out “y”. Oh, and even at two…he knew he was in for years of this, which would explain his reaction.
But yesterday, I was so proud of myself. My father-in-law came to visit and I made a cake from scratch! From scratch, I said! Even the icing was homemade. My letters were well-scripted and I added some red sprinkles to match. This is a masterpiece in my house.
But apparently, I can only do one and not the other. My ugly cakes are yummy, so I should have known that I can’t make a pretty cake and have it taste good.
When I sat down and took a bite I said, “Oh no! It’s awful! It tastes like flour.”
My brutally honest son chimed in, “It doesn’t taste like flour. I think it tastes like chalk.”
He later claimed he was trying to say that my vanilla cake, “tastes like CHOColate” but I don’t buy it for a second.
His birthday is next month, and he asked for it. That’s right, I’m going to make that boy a pretty cake.