Posts Filed Under Family

Two Homes, One Life; Divorce and Childhood

posted by Momo Fali on February 11, 2014

The 1977, brown Cadillac climbs the hill, already narrow from the cars parked on either side of the street; the space made more confined by the girth of the steel box in which I ride.

We pass the green house, on the right, with the sidewalk buckled from the root of an oak tree. As we approach Gram’s house with shrubs running the length of the exterior, the engine slows from a quick hum to a low grumble. This is where my dad lives now. Sometimes he isn’t here, but Grandma always is.

The car pulls to the curb and I climb out onto the small patch of grass between the street and the sidewalk. I bound toward the concrete steps, my hand grazing the sticker-bush that is hanging over the wrought iron handrail. I reach the wooden porch and the gray, peeling paint crunches beneath my feet.

I knock on the thick wood door and peek through the glass window that frames it. I hear the grandfather clock chiming 3:00. Dong…dong…dong.

Gram’s wrinkled hand grabs the key from the its perch and she greets me. As I walk across the shaggy, orange carpet, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the full-length mirror on the closet door.

I collapse onto the green and white floral love seat and we spend the next hour watching M*A*S*H reruns on the console television that sits in the corner. My dad comes home. My cousins and I shoot rubberbands behind the TV where they pile upon others, covered in dust, which have gathered from one year to the next. At 5:00, two of us go outside, walking over the buckled sidewalk and down the hill to the pizza shop where we have a standing Thursday order.

After dinner, I sit on the porch and watch cars go by. I climb a tree, but only if she isn’t looking. I smell the rose bush in the corner of the backyard, next to the chain-link fence. I shoot baskets on the hoop that hangs on the garage next to the alley. My cousin and I walk a few blocks to a mulberry tree where we gorge on fresh fruit until our hands are purple and our bellies are full.

Upon our return, I go inside and climb the steps to the landing where I look out the window into the neighbor’s yard. I go into Gram’s bedroom and smoothly slide open her top, left dresser drawer.

I remove tiny Avon lipstick samples and look into her mirror while applying a deep red shade to my mouth. I purse my lips together, then rub the top one to its mate and wiggle them around until I am certain they’re evenly coated. I blot them on a tissue and make a popping sound.

I climb over the stair railing and slide down on my stomach to the living room; my ride hastened by the thick layer of wax atop the wood. After settling back onto the love seat, I lay my head against the flat, gold pillow. My eyelids grow heavy and I doze off as the baseball game plays in the background. Johnny Bench is at bat.

I wake to the sound of a car horn blaring. My mom doesn’t come to the door. I stumble to put my shoes on, then cross the room to where Gram is sitting in her corner of the sofa, under the bright light of the table lamp. I kiss her soft cheek.

As the grandfather clock chimes 9:00, I head outside, down the concrete steps with a quick one-two rhythm, then I open the heavy car door. I hear crickets chirping in the bushes.

I climb inside and the car turns the corner as it leaves one home for another.

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Day 13 – Lucky

posted by Momo Fali on November 13, 2013

Do you consider yourself lucky? How about fortunate? Blessed?

If you use one of those phrases with any frequency, in my opinion you’re doing it right. By “it” I mean, life.

I am the complainingest complainer who ever complained (Hi, Chad!) and as I told a co-worker today, I worry that catastrophe will follow me because it pretty much does. Of course, my catastrophes are not really bad at all. A little West Nile Virus, pneumonia, meningitis, antibiotic-resistant infection, concussion, congenital heart disease, or threat of pulmonary embolism never hurt anyone. Wait.

But, despite my ailments or those of my son, I consider myself to be a fortunate person. I have great relatives, I married into a family of wonderful people, I have terrific friends, decent health, a job and co-workers I love, a great community – I could go on and on.

Do I have bad days? Yes. Every day has me facing something lousy and I DO complain about it. No sleep, sick kids, no money, car repairs, the stuff we all deal with on a day-to-day basis – and “stuff” is putting it lightly. Or non-cussingly, if you will. Maybe venting helps me deal with what life throws at me. Maybe keeping the little things bottled up would make my anxiety worse.

I think crying is therapeutic, I know my workouts are the best thing I’ve ever done for my mental state, and I’m pretty sure complaining helps me think through my issues. Zoloft doesn’t hurt, either.

Even though I have to do all of those things to keep my mind right, I still tell myself how lucky I am Every. Single. Day.

Because I’m pretty sure the greatest way to straighten out your head is to be grateful that you still have one.

Day 10 – Substance

posted by Momo Fali on November 10, 2013

I had a ton of stuff to do this weekend and I didn’t get any of it finished. Not even close.

Not a single load of laundry, no grocery shopping, no vacuuming or dusting. I did help my husband bag some leaves, I put a load of clothes in the washer (but have not yet moved it from there), and I sanded a hand-me-down nightstand for my son’s room – just so you don’t think I’m a complete waste.

Though I didn’t muster the energy to fold towels, I did force myself to celebrate the birthday of a wonderful friend, sit around a firepit, spend a lazy afternoon in bed watching a movie, go to church, see my son jump in a pile of leaves, eat dinner with my mom, go to an arcade with my husband, and spend two hours dropping off bags to collect food for the needy.

Until I thought about it, I felt like nothing had been accomplished over the last couple of days because I didn’t work and I didn’t clean, but life happened. Fun happened. Celebration, faith, volunteering, friends, and family happened.

It turns out I did get a ton done.

Dear Dad

posted by Momo Fali on June 3, 2013

Dear Dad,

Last week, on Memorial Day, there was a war movie on TV that I had never seen. You know how cartoon characters see something unbelievable and their eyes pop out of their heads? That’s how I felt when I realized there was a WWII film that you and I hadn’t watched together.

Maybe the movie was on one Sunday back in 1979 and I wasn’t paying attention because I was reading the comics to you (or the “funny papers” as you used to say). And, by the way, now that I’m a parent I am fully aware that you weren’t listening to me read Hagar the Horrible as much as you were pretending to listen. I’m on to you. I learned  from the best how to do that appeasing nod that insinuates I hear you, but really you’re watching The Bridge on the River Kwai.

I learned a lot from you, Dad, like to start a joke with, “This is a true story…” I learned that you should always wear black pants for an evening on the town, how to spin a basketball on my index finger, how to treat people, and most of all…how to spoil a kid. Or, spoil myself. Same difference. Because, for real, you spoiled me rotten. My kids want me to thank you for setting the bar so high.

If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have owned a Grease album, a satin vest, or Jordache jeans. Aw, yeah. This kid was stylin’. I would have never known what it’s like to eat Moons Over My-Hammy at Denny’s at 3:00am, take a Ford Mustang for a joy ride, or yell, “Arm pit!” to a Pittsburgh fan. Not to mention that I wouldn’t know the amazingness of the Ohio State Synchronized Swim team.

I wouldn’t know how to number my jokes, smuggle beer into football stadiums, play Commando, or know that it’s possible to transform a green sofa into a Christmas tree. I wouldn’t know that a raw potato covered in salt is downright delicious, that it’s possible to read an entire set of World Book Encyclopedias, or that there are certain things you should never, ever do to a cat.

If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have the most amazing childhood memories a kid can have. I wouldn’t know the value of family, how important it is to laugh, or how significant a role a dad can play.

I also wouldn’t have giant earlobes, but that’s another post.

Thank you for everything you’ve given me. Happy birthday, Dad.