My husband likes to be right. Okay…I do too. But, it seems that whenever we place wagers regarding music knowledge, he always wins.

It started years ago, when he had attended an Aerosmith concert and I asked him if they played “Home Sweet Home”. But, what I was actually referring to was the song “Last Child”. Just because, “home sweet home” is in the lyrics, doesn’t mean it’s the title. I lost some money on that one.

After we started dating, we found that we both liked the band Silverchair. Their most popular, ever-present radio song was one that I believed to be called “Fatal Massacre”. My husband quickly corrected me saying the title was “Pure Massacre”. What? That makes no sense. He may have been right, but Silverchair clearly didn’t see that “fatal” works better than “pure” next to the word “massacre”. And, they call themselves musicians?

This was followed by a discussion of Led Zeppelin’s “Ramble On”…quite possibly my favorite song EVER. My husband told me that the song was based on J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, but I couldn’t figure out how he knew that. When he said that Gollum was mentioned in the song, I went through the lyrics in my head and found no mention of that rotten Hobbit.

But, it turns out that Robert Plant wasn’t singing, “Gaw if that evil one…”, but instead was saying, “Gollum, and the evil one…”. I was wrong again. That’s right. I didn’t even know the lyrics to my favorite song…or even know what it was really about.

Quite frankly, I have made enough mistakes that I could make this the longest post in all of blogging history.

Of course, I’m not alone. Lots of people screw up song lyrics. At least, that’s my defense and I’m sticking to it.

I had a friend in high school who thought the Grateful Dead song titled “Might as Well”, was actually called “Minus Twelve”. We let him think that for a long time too.

Recently, someone said they misunderstood the song lyrics in “Hotel California”. Instead of, “What a nice surprise…” she thought Don Henley was singing, “When your rabbit dies…”

And, who actually knew the correct lyrics in “Blinded by the Light” were, “Revved up like deuce…”? You know you’ve all said, “Wrapped up like a douche…”. Don’t lie.

What I’d love to know boys and girls, is what song lyrics have you messed up?

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I have mentioned before that our family is highly competitive. My husband is the worst of the bunch. Coming from a family of eleven, his sibling rivalries are taken to a much higher level. When I heard there was a movie coming out called There Will Be Blood, I thought it was a documentary filmed during a family game of Boggle.

Our nine year old daughter, who used to let her friends win just to be nice, is now changing her tune. As she has gotten older and has begun to play sports, I’ve noted a real ruthless streak in her. Now, with a Wii in the house her new attitude is win first, friends second.

Yesterday she was playing tennis with her Dad when she missed a ball and, as is customary, he began to rub it in her face. He saw the end was near and before going in for the kill he asked, “Do you smell that?”

And I realized my daughter has learned the first rule of competition is knowing how to talk smack when she replied, “I smell something. But, it’s not your victory.”

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My daughter is begging us to take her to the new Narnia movie, but unfortunately for her, we rarely go to the theater anymore.

My husband and I used to go to the movies all the time before our kids were born. Sometimes, two or more a week. Now we’re lucky if we see that many in a year.

Given the fact that I could buy five days worth of groceries…or for crying out loud, ONE tank of gas, for what it costs to take our family to the theater, we tend to just buy the DVD and stay home to watch flicks. You know…where the screen is smaller, but the floor is just as sticky.

It’s not only the money. I also like to stay home because I am a bit of a germophobe and I have a hard time sitting within the vicinity of someone coughing or sniffling.

Plus there are talkers, and seat kickers, and people who need to get out of their aisle saying, “Excuse me. Excuse me.” There are popcorn munchers and wrapper crunchers, and occasionally some buffoon who forgot to set his phone to vibrate.

But despite all that, there are some movies you just have to see 40 feet wide. The shark in Jaws, or the boulder rolling after Indiana Jones…well, they just don’t look the same on a TV screen.

One such movie was Saving Private Ryan. I will never forget the silence in the completely sold-out theater during the first scene. Twenty-four excruciating minutes of well-portrayed violence detailing the U.S. invasion of Normandy.

Everyone’s eyes were glued to the screen and it turned out that was a good thing, because my husband made the biggest movie faux pas I’ve ever seen. He put the munchers, crunchers, and seat kickers to shame.

As he stared wide-eyed and straight ahead, he picked up a Coke and drank it. Only it wasn’t his Coke…and it wasn’t mine either. And, when I leaned over to tell him he was drinking some stranger’s soda, he simply slipped it back into the cup holder, and the stranger was none the wiser.

Considering the price of the tickets, I was actually glad he got a free drink out of the deal.

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My husband is one of eleven children. He isn’t the first, second or third in line. Nor is he fourth, fifth or sixth. He is way down the line at number nine.

There are so many great things about being married to someone from a large family. First of all, you’re never bored. There is always something to do and someone to do it with. There are loads of special occasions, card games and get-togethers.

But, there are downsides to these events too. Understandably, seating is at a premium. One time when there were 45 people in my in-laws’ six bedroom house for an extended weekend, even floor space was valuable. You were lucky if you found a place to sleep where you wouldn’t get stepped on. I was not so lucky.

And, what would you guess is the most precious commodity of all?

That would be food.

If you have the misfortune of being in the bathroom when “soup’s on” is called…well, it’s possible you’ll just go hungry. If you’re not one of the first twenty people in line, then it’s a given you’ll find the mashed potatoes gone. And, if there’s chocolate pie for dessert, you need to claim your piece hours before mealtime.

Growing up in this family has taught my husband not to waste food. You just don’t do it.

When leftovers have been in the refrigerator a little too long, he will still eat them…even when they’re starting to look bad. And, he will consume bratwurst and baked beans for weeks after our July 4th party each year. I sometimes think his stomach is made of steel.

I have noticed that he is rubbing off on me. I now make the kids eat their crusts, and I have even started eating yogurt that’s a couple of days past expiration, or the eggs when they are a few weeks old.

But, there’s one thing he’ll eat that I just won’t.

I have to draw the line at gray bacon.

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