So, what do you think of my new design? Don’t answer that if you don’t think it’s awesome. Because A) It is ALL KINDS of awesome and B) It’s my birthday.
If you want something pretty and shiny, go see her. I LOVE her. Even if she did speak a lot of Greek and code and I just sat there and scratched my head and then she totally knew I was scratching my head and just MADE this. Amazing. She is so talented. My only talent is being able to hang a spoon on the end of my nose.
Day before yesterday I laughed at someone for stepping on a dead baby bird. I didn’t find the dead bird funny, but rather the picture of grace which is the person slipping on a city sidewalk. I like to watch people fall. I love AFV. It’s kind of a sickness.
So guess who came to visit me yesterday? Karma. While working in the yard (okay, not so much working in the yard as spraying Round-Up on clovers that have apparently been sneaking steroids through the gate) I stepped on a dead baby bird.
You would think that was the worst thing I’ve ever stepped on.
Long ago, on a cruise, after a few too many drinks with mini-umbrellas and a certain ingredient that rhymes with “bum”, I left the ship’s dance club with friends. I was wearing high-heeled sandals that were killing my feet and decided to walk the carpeted halls barefoot.
As we rounded a corner, my bare foot landed squarely in a pile of someone’s fresh vomit.
It may have been 12 years ago, but I am still telling myself that it was just a spilled strawberry shake.
Yesterday was supposed to be a laid back day around here. No softball, no soccer, no therapy, no appointments. Plus, my son was home sick so I didn’t even have to go to work.
I have now come to realize that there is no such thing as a laid back day.
Back in 2007, I wrote a list of things no one ever told me before I had kids. Yesterday, I added a few more items. Such as…
…it pays to have long limbs, even if that means you once had a high school teacher who nicknamed you orangutan arms. Hypothetically. Because, yesterday I was able to steer my car and hold a bag under the chin of my vomiting son who was sitting on the passenger side of the back seat.
…if you try to read a book with a seven year old around, it is like brushing your teeth with one individual toothbrush bristle. You’ll get the job done, but it’s going to take awhile.
…if your son sees you allowing the dogs to bite a few kernels of corn off a cob which you are holding tightly in your hand, he will take the corn cob he is supposed to be eating, throw it to the ground and let the dogs take turns biting off chunks big enough to cause intestinal blockage in an elephant. Then he’ll sit back and watch as the dogs swallow them whole.
…when you attempt to pour spoonfuls of hydrogen peroxide down your dog’s throat to induce vomiting, she really won’t like you very much.
…when your son is peeing and completely misses the toilet, it’s not necessarily because his aim is bad. It could be that his sister is standing at the sink and he’s trying to pee on her shoe.
…even though the drinks at the circus cost $8.00, go ahead and splurge for more than one so you don’t have to share a straw. Especially if your son has an upper respiratory infection. And, you have asthma. Unless, of course, you think breathing is overrated.
1. If you have two dogs, and two kids who often clog the toilet, you’re going to be dealing with a lot of poop.
2. I cried yesterday because a little boy was nice to my son. Never underestimate the power of teaching your child to be a good friend.
3. I like to wear my size 11, orange Crocs…mostly just to embarrass my daughter, who calls them my “clown shoes”.
4. Insomnia is slowly killing me.
5. The LOST season finale was Wednesday night and I am kind of freaking out about what I’m going to do when the series ends next year.
6. Freaking out about a TV show going off the air is pretty sad.
7. I am reading an advance copy of “Rage Against the Meshugenah”. A raw look at male depression by Danny Evans from Dad Gone Mad. A book which made me laugh AND cry in the prologue.
8. You should buy that book.
9. A puppy with a UTI is really hard to housetrain.
10. Dogs will take any pill as long as it’s wrapped in cheese.
11. I like beer.
12. My husband works really hard and very long hours.
13. I miss my husband.
14. I will be 38 in a couple of weeks and realized I have been telling people that I’m 38 for the last year.
15. I love my little blog.
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