1.  If your house has been neglected for five months because of your work schedule, spring break will be a great chance to catch up on everything from home repair to laundry.

2.  Your 12 year old daughter won’t see it that way.

3.  Though, she might surprise you halfway through break and suggest that you tear out some carpeting.

4.  Which will lead to new surprises.

5.  When you tell the cashier at the home improvement store that you don’t need help loading your car with your newly purchased sheet of plywood, be sure to take into account how windy it is.

6.  Because when the winds are 30 mph, a sheet of plywood acts like a kite and will suddenly fly you across the parking lot all while you’re trying to hold on to said enormous sheet of plywood.

7.  And you might look like a fool.

8.  But, not as much as when you drive home barely able to see above the dashboard because there is a piece of plywood directly above your head.

9.  Yet all of the carpet-cutting, hauling, loading, sawing, reinforcing and sore muscles will be totally worth it.

10.  Because your kids will see that mommies can be strong too.

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1.  If you have never heard of SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder), then you must not live in Ohio.  We invented it.

2.  Not really, but we could have.

3.  Vitamin D supplements don’t make up for the missing sunshine, no matter how much you take.

4.  And, don’t take too much or it will lead to a different disorder, entirely.

5.  Don’t let Mother Nature fool you when she orders up 65 degree temperatures in mid-February.

6.  Because it only lasts long enough for things to start thawing.

7.  And, for your dog to start rolling in poop and in dead animals that have been laying under a bed of snow for months.

8.  But, of course, it’s too cold to bathe your dog with a hose.

9.  Which is when you will seriously consider taking her to the car wash.

10.  There is no doubt, however, that you would let your dog roll in just about anything, and you would put up with the cold and the Vitamin D overload, if you could just see a blue sky again.

11.  Because, really Ohio?  This perpetual gray is getting pretty old.

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1.  If your husband spends his Sunday morning running a marathon and you spend the same Sunday morning chasing him around the city, with two kids and you hold an eight year old on your shoulders for an hour, you will both be sore.

2.  If you’re driving to and from mile markers for hours, you will have to stop at Tim Horton’s for breakfast and Wendy’s for lunch.  You know, out of necessity.  Your husband, on the other hand, will run 26.2 miles on two bananas and some peanut butter crackers.

3.  When you spend 45 minutes creating a great sign that says things like, “Keep it up!” and “Be strong!”, don’t be surprised if your son sees your finished project and decides that your sign is the perfect paper on which to stamp a pink butterfly.

4.  Don’t be shocked when you walk nine blocks to your viewing spot and as soon as you arrive, your son tells you he has to poop.

5.  Which is why you should always store a training potty and kitty litter bags in the back of your SUV.

6.  Then you will count your blessings that your eight year old is still small enough to use it.

7.  Much in the same way that when you have been playing in the ocean, you can later close your eyes and still feel the waves…when you watch a marathon full of people go by, you will later close your eyes and see runners.

8.  When your husband approaches the finish line and your daughter sneaks through the fence to run the last stretch with him, you will feel so much pride that your heart might burst.

9.  Then you’ll watch your husband complete his race to the sound of applause and cheers of the crowd.

10.  And you will listen, then cringe, as the race announcer mispronounces his name.

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1. If you spend 13 days in five different cities (and six different beds), you will grow very weary of checking for bedbugs.

2. Manhattan in August is hot, dirty and smells a lot like pee.

3. The Eastern Shore of Virginia in August is hot, sandy and smells a lot like fish.

4. But, that smell is totally worth it when your brother-in-law takes your husband and kids fishing and they come home with fresh crab and flounder for dinner.

5. Busch Gardens Williamsburg is ridiculously expensive. Nine bucks for four mozzarella sticks and a cup of strawberries for the kids’ snack, on top of $55.00 admission tickets and $18.00 parking IS. JUST. WRONG.

6. If you buy a hotel room through Priceline, apparently the staff doesn’t have to guarantee you a room at their hotel…but rather, any room at any hotel. This means you might end up booking at a Hyatt and end up at a Quality Inn.

7. And, you might take your Ambien in the parking lot of the Hyatt just before you (think you’re going to) check-in, only to be told you have to drive 10 miles, through the completely foreign city of Pittsburgh, all while arguing with the staff and watching people who arrived AFTER you get a room because they’re paying full price.

8. You will never use Priceline or stay at a Hyatt again.

9. Then you will use your blog for evil paybacks. Mwah ha ha!!

10. The speed limit in West Virginia through the Allegheny Mountains is 70mph. This is also referred to as the “place where Momo gets itchy armpits and yells at her husband a lot”.

11. After non-stop travel to points in West Virginia, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New York, and almost Maryland…Ohio will never seem so good.

12. Because that is where your bed is.

13. And you don’t have to check for any bugs.

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