1. When it’s almost 100 degrees and your son wants to walk around wearing nothing but underwear all day, you might just let him.

2. And, you might join him.

3. Which can be awkward when the Fed Ex guy rings your doorbell.

4. The row of zits across your hairline caused by perpetual sweat beads will try hard to outdo the mosquito bite on your forehead.

5. Then you may find yourself wishing you still had bangs.

6. Two panting dogs can make a real mess.

7. It’s possible to drink 10 glasses of ice water in a day and still feel like there is sand in your mouth.

8. When it’s time to leave your son’s baseball game and you see everyone stand up and do a little shimmy, you may think they’re dancing.

9. But, they’re really just trying to dry out their crotches.

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1. The end of May brings about the perfect storm: cookouts, graduation parties and scurrying around at the last minute trying to put some teachers’ gifts together.

2. Throw in a kid with a sinus infection and a mom who has had two migraines in the last four days and it’s the storm of the century.

3. And, you’ll have the longest break in blogging since the swine flu/pneumonia diagnosis/pulmonary embolism scare of 2009.

4. The shot of Toradol your doctor gives you may not help your pain and the Treximet he wants you to try might make you feel like your skin is wiggling off of your body and cause you to throw up your beef Quesadilla.

5. But, he could prescribe you some Ambien.

6. Which makes everything much better.

7. Though, if you get another migraine, you might want to stab yourself in the temple.

8. Which would make a good blog post, but it could totally ruin your carpet.

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1. When spring rolls around with her warm breezes and gentle rain, and the air outside is rich with the scent of lilacs, my old house starts to smell like wet dog and rotten wood.

2. When school softball, summer softball, track, baseball, going away parties, graduation parties and weddings all start to overlap, I begin to think I should increase my dosage of Zoloft.

3. Throw in a spring musical and it’s time to get my Ambien refilled too.

4. But, taking Ambien makes me get on Twitter and say things like this: ‘There is missional impossible musci blarking behind my head and it makes me want to put on black leggies and snaek around nmy houser’.

5. And, this: ‘Now t here ‘s a baby crying and it’s making my ovaries hurt. If I start lactating, that will just be weired’.

6. Then people named AmbienRehab start following me on Twitter.

7. My family likes to spend time playing the Wii together, but Super Mario Bros. was invented by someone with a sick and twisted view of family togetherness.

8. My son jumps around on his Hippity-Hop so much that he looks like he has a permanent, blue hemorrhoid.

9. If you go to a wine tasting and the Sommelier starts talking about “shoulders” in your wine, you may think you drank too much.

10. And, if your husband hasn’t had dinner and attends the same wine tasting, he may eat half a cheeseball made of Jarlsberg cheese.

11. So when next year’s invitation doesn’t arrive, we shouldn’t be all that surprised.

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My family and I visited an indoor water park over the weekend; here is what I learned.

1. If the water in the toddler pool is warmer than the big kids’ pool, there is probably a reason for it.

2. Either having a lot of medical procedures has toughened up my son, or he is immune to pain, because after he got tossed off his raft in the wave pool, knocked over another kid as he tumbled under the water, slid along the ground for five feet and came up bloodied, he got right back on his raft.

3. Going down a slide in a giant family tube is a lot of fun.

4. If your friend is bitter because you’re leaving the water park to go watch Ohio State play in the NCAA tournament and she says, “I hope they lose” and then they do, you’ll hope she doesn’t own your likeness in voodoo form.

5. Teenage girls should wear bigger bathing suits.

6. My son needs his back waxed.

7. I need to lose weight.

8. So do a lot of other people.

9. If your son is 43″ tall and he climbs steps that are the height of his knees, and there are five flights of those steps to get to one of his favorite slides…that won’t stop him from wanting to do it again and again.

10. Kids can go for hours and climb lots of steps on cold pop-tarts alone.

11. Later, they’ll practically inhale an entire Big Boy franchise for lunch.

12. And they’ll sleep peacefully all the way home.

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