Posts Filed Under Shameless Statements

He Gets That From You

posted by Momo Fali on January 14, 2014

Last week my son got upset by something he had seen on television. He was sitting with both of us, completely supervised, but it was a movie scene which was a little too violent for his special needs brain to wrap itself around. Thanks a lot, Gollum.

My husband kept playing the stereotypical man card saying things like, “You’re fine! Go to bed.” I, on the other hand, hugged my boy, wiped his tears, and explained why we thought he’d be able to handle watching it (even though *cough* I knew he wouldn’t) and then we discussed, at length, the difference between traditional animation and computer animation.

At the end of the night, he put his 50 lb. body on my lap and said, “Dad says I got upset because I have too much of you in me, but I’m glad I do because you care.” I told him that he has plenty of his father in him and that Dad does care, but doesn’t know how to show it. Then I called a therapist for my husband. Not really, but I thought about it.

A couple of days later, my son and I were driving when we saw a stray dog. I stopped my car to help, but someone came out of a nearby apartment and took over the rescue operation. As we drove away, my son piped up from the back seat, “I’m kind of glad we didn’t have to help that dog.”

“Why, buddy?”

He replied, “Well, I can say this because it’s just you and me, right? I thought it was kind of ugly because it was one of those dogs whose tail stands up in the air and you can see its butthole.”

I laughed, “You sound like your dad!”

Excitedly, he said, “I do? I guess I do have him in me after all!”

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Day 26 – Hot Dog

posted by Momo Fali on November 26, 2013

My husband has a chronic calf injury that reared its ugly head at the gym tonight. When we got home, he pulled out his home therapy tools; two ice packs and a heating pad which he alternates for 10 minutes at a time.

When our son went up to take his shower his dad had his leg resting on ice.

And, when our boy came downstairs 10 minutes later he said, “Ha, Dad! I knew when I came back that you’d be in heat!”

You Can’t Sweep the Floor With It

posted by Momo Fali on October 31, 2013

My son has suddenly decided that he wants to draw pictures all the time. Mostly, he’s been sketching pumpkins, bats, ghosts, and tombstones in preparation for Halloween. Last night he asked for more spooky ideas so I told him to try his hand at a witch.

He didn’t know where to start, so I quickly drew my interpretation. Don’t worry, I won’t quit my day job. After I saw how bad it looked, I asked his dad to give it a try.

photo-1 (8)

Then our son asked us if all witches have penises.

Keeping it Real

posted by Momo Fali on September 9, 2013

I read this post today and I feel the need to tell Heather that she is not alone in her imperfection and that her flaws are what make her human. We are not just our Facebook photos or Pinterest boards. We are real people with real issues. I could write a series of blog posts on medical bills alone. Also, zits at 42. I could tell you all about that.

So for Heather, I’m sharing some of my recent non-spectacular moments:

  • I yelled at my kids today – like loud enough that the neighbors could hear. It was the result of two hours in the car, their constant bickering, 5:30pm traffic, and a stinkbug.
  •  I gave myself a manicure while on Ambien. Again. It wasn’t pretty.
  • There is a package of toilet paper sitting on my dresser. My dresser is not near any of the toilets.
  • My kids eat mac & cheese from a box at least once a week.
  • I suffer from pretty awful anxiety and insomnia. I grind my teeth, I pick my cuticles, I constantly shake my legs, and as soon as I get up in the morning I start thinking about how much I want it to be nighttime so I can go back to bed. Life is hard. But, it could always be harder and if I didn’t laugh about the crazy circumstances I wouldn’t be able to function.
  • Sometimes I get wedgies.
  • My son loves his new school, but he’s been punched twice and pushed to the ground by a high-school kid and it scares me, because I don’t want to have to hurt any children.
  • This is a conversation I had with my son today:

Me: You can NOT send your status updates from the “Pocket Frogs” app to my Twitter account. I’ve told you that before and if you do it again, you will never, ever get to play another game on the iPad. Understood?

Him: Never? But, what if you’re dead?

pocket frogs

check it out? I can’t even pronounce it.

  • This is a conversation my son had with his County Developmental Disability Coordinator when she asked him (kind of ridiculous, but mandatory) questions about his self-care:

Coordinator: Do you shave yet?

Him: No, but I have a little mustache. And, I have a very, very hairy back.

  • I ran three miles today and I had to stop ten times.
  • I prefer to show people that I’m flawed, because then I can exceed their expectations. Sometimes. My house can never exceed expectations because it smells like burnt coffee and dog feet.

Now it’s your turn. Tell me something real.